My lovely Dad

My Dad and I have always had a great relationship and we share the same sense of humour which is just as well as it's been how we've always communicated and I love our banter.

Over the last 12 months, we have had to change elements of communication due to Mums diagnosis - for example, she can no longer understand sarcasm and some of the banter Dad and I have had upsets her just due to lack of understanding so we have watered it down a little. Our conversations are limited to secret ones or by email and text as Mum has become insanely jealous of our relationship as she feels she can't take part in our humour.

I've missed my Dad.

Last night, Dad and I exchanged some very funny emails (they'd only be funny to the 2 of us) and I went to bed grinning because he'd made me actually laugh out loud!

It made me realise that this dreadful illness not only takes away the loved one who is suffering from it but sometimes it takes away the people around who are the carers as they don't have the energy to be what other people need and why should they?

I still need my Dad and I'm not prepared to lose him in this illness too - he's my rock (I know he'll be blubbing if he reads this) and I love him and he makes me laugh and god do we need some laughs...

Enough of the slushy stuff, Dad if you're reading this.....good luck at explaining Eastenders tonight, I will be watching it, chuckling at you having to explain it, cruel I know but I'm even laughing writing this!!!

Kate xx

8 Replies

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  • Beautifully said, Kate. Your parents did a lovely job raising you, that's clear. Now excuse me, please, while I go off to do a little blubbing of my own. Love and peace, Easterncedar

    p.s. After a relatives memorial service at which there was some contagious crying, my mother walked out with me and said she was going to insist on one thing for her service, "No blubbing!" And I told her she couldn't really make that rule.

  • If your mother doesn't want blubbing at her funeral, borrow a two year old from someone to take with you. When dad died we had the cremation before the service of remembrance. As we had no idea how many folk would turn up, we decided to have music but no singing. I was welling up as the music to The Lord's my Shepherd came to an end, when little Hugo, very loudly, called "Hooray" and clapped. Later at the church, he did the same after every hymn and also after the individuals finished their tribute at the front of the church.

    We know dad would be laughing at his great grandson's contribution so when my daughter in law stood to take him out I told her to stay. It certainly brought a smile to everyone's face and kept the tears away. We went to the local pub/restaurant after and our other grandson's, then 4 and 7, continued to entertain the 80+ folk who came to say goodbye to dad.

    X

  • Hi Kate, I have a special relationship with our sons so I am sure you bring a lot of light into your dad's life like they do into mine. It's a shame your mum can't appreciate your special bond any more. We are fortunate in that my husband can still laugh at the banter between me and the "boy's, even though he rarely speaks and then only in grunts and growls.

    Fortunately I don't have to explain Eastenders as we don't watch it. On Sunday someone asked me who I thought had murdered someone (can't remember the name). I thought she was talking about someone in the village. Of course by Monday I couldn't get away from the story line as it was on TV between every programme and on the one show.

    I hope your dad was successful.

    Off to listen to yesterday's episode of The Archers now before tonight's comes on. Colin can follow that.

    X

  • Kate, you are a very lucky girl. My rock died 12 years ago, I never told him enough, how much I loved him, wasn't words Dad was happy using. I sure he knew though, just I as I knew how much he loved me.

    I know things are awkward with your Mum at the moment, but please don't let PSP win this battle. It will try! I'm sure your Mum would be the first to agree with me, before this evil disease took over her.

    Your comment about how us carers change our relationships with others, really hit home. I know I lack the energy to be there for the rest of our families, S and I are second time arounders, so we have two sets of children and their families to watch over. I get very cross with S's two, thinking, (knowing!!!) that they could do more, but I ought to be more understanding as their rock is collapsing into sand before their eyes, (if they bothered to come and see him!) ((forgive my anger!)). Each of us deal with these things differently! I am nelegecting my kids, thinking, knowing that they are both strong, but, my daughter, particularly, although she is my rock, is devastated by S's illness, she hides it from me, trying to be strong and practical for me.

    I must try and remember that we are all suffering from this "£&@&&££&@@@@&£!??" disease, not just S and I. Thank you for that!

    Back to you and George, try hard to keep your relationship as it was. He needs that more than ever now, we all need to have some normality in our lives and it's so hard to find when you are caring for someone 24/7. If your Mum gets upsets, well, what can I say, bar what I have already said, she would be the first to agree, that your Dad needs you, needs that bond that you have and would hate to think that she might be causing it to change.

    So keep up the banter, keep up the humour and keep showing your parents, what a wonderful caring daughter they produced. ((Well Done George!!!))

    Lots of love

    Heady

  • Blubbing - certainly not I went to public school and you keep a stiff upper lip over a loose flabby chin. Really I ask you - sniff .By the way explaining tonights episode was one challenge too far especially the follow up where they interviewed the actors .A certain person thought that was all part of the normal program explaining it was not an option !

  • She's a good daughter isn't she - but for heavens sake don't tell her I said so !

  • why not georgepa?

    or were you joking??

    if ao i apologise if not then why not tell her she is a good daughter!

    plz do so she need sot know that you are still together in all this

    lol JIll

    :-)

  • Joking - she knows what I really think Jill.

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