I think it is important to realize that what I feel as "depression" is better labeled as "grief". It is not a pathological state to be treated but a normal life reaction to a horrible ongoing loss. What makes it doubly difficult is that the person I am grieving for is still very much alive, and extremely difficult to live with, and that goes on and on and on while the grief continues. I feel that the supports and understanding that would be here if my husband had died, is missing, and also maybe a bit of healing and maybe even a bit of acceptance. But to grieve for a living person who daily leaves me bit by bit is not depression.
So when I cry in the grocery store or in the bathroom or late at night or walking down the street or drinking my coffee alone, or sitting by the computer I think to myself "No I am not depressed I am in mourning for the love of my life, my dearest friend, the only person who really knows me, the vital, smart man who is no more, and that I am still capable of joy in joyous situations." That feels different to me.