does each new holiday season seem a bit more complicated and/or a little harder to manage?
Humbug. There, I said it. That felt good, actually
On the other hand, I'm grateful beyond words I'm still here and kicking. Well, maybe not kicking, more like a slow gait...
I have a solid 'doer' personality. It worked really well for me most of my life.
However with age and time, I learned that sometimes all of my 'doing' was a slick way to avoid my feelings or what was really important. So I started taking things in stride later in life.
My 'doer' voice has been yelling at me for some time to get things done for the holidays and it won't shut-up. Grrr. I refuse to let PSP define me, but by default, I'm slower at just about everything and I let it frustrate me a bit too much. That's the 'humbug' part.
And, naturally, this internal conflict is starting to ruin my own good time this holiday season....anybody else out there who feels like this?
Now, I am going to take some deep breaths and spend the afternoon Xmas shopping on line...and try to have fun with it.
What I wouldn't do for a shot or 2 of adrenaline over the next few weeks. It's on my Xmas list
Written by
JudyJ
To view profiles and participate in discussions please or .
Hello JudyJ - Yow - You put things so well! Thanks for saying it!!
I'm also really having a hard time adjusting my expectations for the holidays and for my contributions to them. I just can't do what I used to do either, having to take on more as my guy becomes less able, of course, and the worrying and watching is stressful. He's falling so much the past couple of days. It's terrifying.
I also have to fight against getting so wired up about all I imagine I ought to do that I make myself - and those around me - less happy about the season. Even in good times, it's hard to relax and enjoy the holidays, and that's just wrong! Everyone who matters understands that we're going through some hard times, and no one is going to be disappointed, really, if my gifts aren't the best ever. So, (I say to my "doer" self) I'll try to get a little token to everyone on the list, mail just a few cards, find time to listen to some music, and put up a tree. I love the smell of balsam; it makes me happy every time. I have to take time to breathe - take some deep breaths - as you say, JudyJ! I'll have a friend or two over for eggnog one evening, maybe, and there will be some family over for Christmas dinner. I like doing that: roast beef and yorkshire pudding, just the way my mother taught me. I'll hope for snow.
So what do you like about the holiday, JudyJ and all? What makes you happy? For me, there's one certain thing: the days will start getting longer. They have seemed so short and dark this fall, especially. So, here's looking to the solstice for some cheer!
What makes me happy, to be brutally honest, is when the holidays are over. Does that make me a monster? Naw, but probably a perfectionist As you pointed out, everyone around me knows the circumstances, so their expectations are appropriate where as I set mine too high for what I can reasonably achieve. It's a pickle I'm still working thru no matter what time of year it is.
We celebrate at out home Xmas Eve with just a few which is nice and low-key. Xmas day I veg as the girls are with their Dad. So what am I fretting for? Nothing.
I sure can relate to how scary it must be for you in terms of your husband falling. I know eyes are on me whenever possible for the same reason. It scares the bejibbers out of my girls.
And, YES, to the longer days and more LIGHT. It got dark and cold in October and stayed that way. The weather has been miserable of late; lots of snow and wind chills below zero. Doesn't put any zip in my step.
Thanks for your response and wishing you the best thru the holiday season.
No, it's not just you! But this year I've decided that my Hubby's care is priority, not really a decision as much as fact. I can't get out to shop and get ready for Christmas the same as I have in the past. When I'm not working, I need to be home with Bob. His balance has become frightening, he's had a few really bad falls the last couple of weeks, and quite frankly I'm afraid to leave him alone anymore. Everytime I need to run some where I worry the entire time. He fell backwards (of coarse) from the top of the stairs all the way to the basement, on his back, head first as our daughter and I watched helplessly in horror! It was the most frightening thing to witness. Other than bruises and scrapes, he was OK thank God. That was last week, this week he fell into the bath tub, no water in it, it's pretty high too, it's a jet tub. Our daughter called me at work to come home that time. As I peered over the edge into the tub, he burst into laughter, thank goodness he has a sense of humour and didn't get hurt. It was a real chore to get him up out of there though.
Anyway, Christmas will come, we will have family and food, and I will do what I can in other areas, but the baking may not happen, gifts may be sparce, but I guess then we need to remember what it's all about. It may be a nice break to step away from the rat race.
This reminds me of the time mum somehow managed to fall and wedge herself full into her zimmer frame with both hands trapped by her side in there. She was unhurt and thought it was hilarious! It was a truly amazing sight and although it was a real worry and really hard to get her out, you couldn't help seeing the funny side with her.
How horrifying, those falls. I, too, fell backwards down the steps once. Was home alone and had to crawl to a phone for help. I know my girls worry about my falling when they're not around; also worry about my falling when they are around. With all of the ice and snow we've had here, me going out at all is tricky business. Do have to go out this morning for a neuro-psyche exam. Grrr. But necessary. They are utterly exhausting mentally. Hope you have as good a holiday season as can be and respect all caretakers of people like me. I know it has to be overwhelming at times.
Bob's falls - EEEeekk. can visualise what you write..
I gather in your part of the world there is snow at Christmas? My daughter is so envious...
It is unheard of where I live, however traditionally we tend to come up with a 'Aussie' equivalent. On Christmas Day we are going down to the beach to build sand snowman - probably at 7.00am in the morning, given the temperature is quite likely to 100 +.
So Alana - did you get to build your sandsnowman? We had an ice storm, very pretty, but lots of folks around here spent their Christmas with no heat or light and would have been glad to have your weather! There's plenty of snow, too, but it is all too icy for building snowmen, or for walking except in the road. My guy and I went for a walk along the unpaved road to his house on Christmas day. He used the very basic walker a friend has lent us to try, and he managed beautifully despite the ice and snow and liked it a lot! What a pleasant surprise THAT was!
I am sure your family would enjoy doing the baking as it's the sort of gift that is immeasurable and if they are anything like mine they will be only too glad to help you to enjoy Christmas too! You don't have to do everything yourself! As for presents, life is the most precious gift of all and it's time to celebrate your husbands presence.
Hi Judy For me it depends on what I am doing or trying to do! I'm just back from playing bridge & did better than last week - we came 3rd! We travelled to Adelaide in South Australia this time last year but my husband has ruled this out now as we did a house swap & he says its too much work for him getting our house ready + getting me & the then 2 dogs to the airport now only 1 dog as had to put one to sleep in June that had respiratory failure + heart failure + liver failure - dear little adopted dog very loving & we made his last 2 years enjoyable. The remaining dog is 17 years old & perhaps too old to travel but nothing wrong with her she's ok as long as my husband is around. We will not do much for Christmas/New Year. Where we live there will be a fireworks display but we' just so over them! Hope every one enjoys their Christmas & New Year Mary
Even at Christmas - I am following the K I S S principle. (I know pretty Crass term but can't think of another!)
Why - I need balance, balance, balance... Have decided some things are meant to be and some need work. Basically picking my battles, and allows rewards to find there way.
Have been for a while. Took quite a LOT of adjustment, but now starting to reap the rewards. Feeling better in myself, and what I do is appreciated.
For example this time of the year since the "beginning of time" (well feels that way) - I would put so much effort in to baking, home decorations, shopping. Became so habit forming so many long, long hours, I felt it was a necessity and had to be done!.
Now I've decided to make only either what I really need to, what I can and what I really enjoy.
So decided to do a bit of volunteer work at the local school canteen - now I am being paid to do the same job.
On Thursday night I made some lemon shortbread just one batch of biscuits- some for the school staff as a thankyou and some I placed in car to deliver to friend.
Then a job interview came along on Friday afternoon - so the biscuits came out of the car to try. The owner offered me employment on the spot because of all my effort. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry with happiness or ?.
I've decided sometimes you can put so much work into something it becomes a battle, other times when you least expect reward comes your way.
Lovely story and you are spot-on! It's the 'should's' we impose on ourselves that take us prisoner if we let them. Kudos to you for making positive changes in your life. Hope the rest of your holiday season is wonderful.
# I LOVE CHRISTMAS MOSTLY BECAUSE MY DAUGHTER AGED 32 ,OVES IT SO MUCH - SHE IS ENGAGED TO A RELLY NICE CHAP - HE IS 6 FT 7 INS AND SHE IS 5FT 3INS !! THEY BITH LOVE CHRITMAS SO MUCH AND START THE EXITEMENT AT THE END OF NOVEMER ..... - I AM NOT ABLE TO DO MUCH AT ALL BUT SHE TOLD ME LAST NIGHT THAT I WILL BE DOING THE SPROUTS SITTING IN MY CHAIR !! I HOPE CAN MANAGE THEM WITH MY FUNNY HANDS !!
Interesting to read what you all are thinking and doing for Christmas. This will be our fourth Christmas since we have known my husband has PSP and how things have changed for us all in that time. Four years ago my husband was falling over a great deal, he was very impatient with everyone and everything and had difficulty organising his work. Now, he rarely falls due to his immobility, rarely speaks and hasn't worked for three years.
So what about Christmas, We are having a family Christmas and staying at home rather than travelling to see various relatives dotted around the UK. We have cancelled the carers for the two days in the hope we will have a more relaxing time, with control over when and what we do on Christmas and Boxing day.
In the meantime I still have quite a lot to do to ensure we can enjoy the two days.
For the first time in 41 years of marriage, my husband and I are spending a quiet Christmas, just the 2 of us. We've always had a house full, last year 13 staying 2 nights and dad visiting daily. He died in October so it will be strange without him here. This year we have been invited to one of our sons as his mother in law is coming from Australia to be with his family. There are 5 steps to his front door, no toilet downstairs and many trip hazards so I thanked him but said we will stay at home. He is really upset and said we shouldn't be alone but I felt relieved once I had made the decision. I'll cook a small turkey with all the trimmings and cut Colin's up small. For the first time today he asked me to feed him. Hopefully we will get to church Christmas morning, something we haven't managed to do for sometime with all the visitors. I had a phone call tonight, the boys have had a ' family conference " and decided we will celebrate all together on 28th December when they are all free to come to us and they are bringing all the food. Mother in law and husband are coming and so is step brother and girlfriend so the house will be full again. I've always entertained a lot but am really looking forward to our quite Christmas Day.
Content on HealthUnlocked does not replace the relationship between you and doctors or other healthcare professionals nor the advice you receive from them.
Never delay seeking advice or dialling emergency services because of something that you have read on HealthUnlocked.
Dementia or ‘just’ PSP?
Holidaying is possible!
depression or grief?
PSP Brain or Railing at the Gods?
Stupid or what?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
