on grief and loss

[Zibo]

I was reading this book (finished it yesterday) about a mother's journey to Machu Picchu in Peru where she travels on her own, all the way from the UK, to scatter the ashes of her young son who died. The quote below really stayed with me.

Here in this forum we are all grappling with anticipatory grief, and the illness is forcing each of us to live a different life.

I thought it may be touching your hearts too.

The artwork is mine.

Sending love to all corners of the world!

"Losing a loved one rips our world apart, and forces us to live a different reality and take on a new personal – and often social – identity.

Deep suffering and loss can, however, lead to what is known as post-traumatic growth: we forge a deeper connection with and understanding of life, which, hitherto, we may have taken for granted.

Much like travel, it can enhance our knowledge and appreciation of what it means to be human."

(from "Junkie Buddha: A Journey of Discovery in Peru" by Diane Esguerra, Martha Ellen Zenfell)

[NannaB]

So true. My boys have families and lives of their own, my dog has gone and so has my husband. When I was young I was Trudy and Jims’s daughter. To other villagers I am no longer the boys mum, the dogs mum, or my darling’s wife. I am just me. I have definitely grown since the trauma of PSP has passed and am enjoying life which includes travel. One great big door has closed with an almighty bang but a my size door has gradually opened, and is opening even wider as time goes by.

Thanks for posting and I love your artwork.

XxxX

[Zibo in reply to NannaB]

Thank you for sharing your experience of post-traumatic growth. Thank you also for your kind words about my sketch.

It's truly time to be YOU and glad you have opened that door.

With warm wishes,

Antonella

[Dadshelper]

Lots of truth in that book passage. Thanks for sharing it.

Ron

[Zibo in reply to Dadshelper]

thank you!

[raincitygirl]

Lovely quote and beautiful drawing, you artist, you!

I'm still feeling the devastation of loss, and haven't reached any growth or impressive insights yet... But these sorts of messages inspire me that life MAY resume some day. I live in hope!

Anne G.

[Zibo in reply to raincitygirl]

Thanks so much, Anne, for your kind words about my drawing.

I am so sorry to hear about the devastation of your loss, which we can all resonate with, if we each dare to fully feel it.

Creating resources around us, this group, inspirational quotes that come from lived experience and compassion, a walk in nature, admiring a sunset and then savouring the following day's sunrise, can all bring some sense of 'life beyond grief', and help rooting ourselves back into the present moment. Breathing is helping me loads. One day at a time, one breath at a time. With much care. Antonella

[Tippyleaf]

Thank you for sharing those beautiful words and painting. I am at an early stage of my journey learning to live this new and scary life so will look out for this book

Love Tippy xxx

[Zibo in reply to Tippyleaf]

Thank you, Tippy, for your feedback.

I wasn't advertising the book as it wasn't an easy read, especially as the son of the writer died of a heroine overdose (a plague I grew up in Italy with), and yet -with its philosophy based on the wisdom of Buddhism-it helped me grieve, it helped me to hold on to the beauty of life which includes also decline and death...so I think it may be helpful for many, to have such an empathic read whilst navigating the rough ocean of grief.

Maybe because it is Autumn here in the UK, accepting all seasons has been so important for me. Enjoying what I have in life to enjoy, and suffering when grief struck. Honest, authentic, real, I am aware that I had no idea how to be with the true reality of life. I have cracks in my heart that, as Leonard Cohen's song suggest, are letting some light in. Glad I have reached his group and shared that quote, and to be connecting with you. What a gift. Thank you!

A huge e-hug from London. Antonella

[Hiking13]

I love this and it is so true we are so different to the person we were before our loss. I think travel is a great healer as many of you know I went to Everest Base Camp a few months after Steve passed away. I was dreading the lead up to Christmas because of the memories from last year - it was such a difficult time. So I have booked myself on a cruise to Jamaica, Columbia, Panama and Costa Rica, it will be the first time I have holidayed on my own but I figured it’s got to be done and I am feeling quite positive about it. I fly back on Christmas Eve and will be back for Christmas morning so still spend Christmas with family but no longer have that feeling of anxiety about the lead up to Christmas Day. As far as saving for the future, there might not be one, there wasn’t for Steve so spend it now and enjoy life to the full is my new motto and I intend to travel a lot. Have a lovely day and keep making memories everyone and thank you for sharing

Love Sarahxxx

[Dickenson2 in reply to Hiking13]

Sarah you are so right. We saved for our retirement to be able to do nice things and almost all of our money has now gone on Johns nursing home fees Pauline xx

[Zibo in reply to Dickenson2]

so sorry to hear

[SewBears]

Beautiful drawing! Loved the quote too! I just ordered the book and I look forward to a good read. Thank you for the recommendation. May you continue to grow and forge ahead!

❤️ I SewBears

[Zibo in reply to SewBears]

thanks so much. The read is at times difficult, as her son died of heroine overdose, addiction linked to early abuse, so with many layers of pain. And such wisdom too. It is a real story, and the writer authentic inner journey really touched me. I hope it resonates for you too.

[SewBears in reply to Zibo]

I could have researched the book in more depth before purchase but it’s too late to cancel the order now. I don’t really do sad drama. However, I’ve sort of developed the heart of a stone. If the story moves me maybe that’ll be a good thing. I’m so numb these days.

[Zibo in reply to SewBears]

Hello, there. I do not think this is a sad drama, even though it tells of death.

The woman's solo adventure in South America tells the reader of her strength, her fears, her wisdom, her incredible determination to honour her son's life. She balances accounts of her external trip with her internal process and with windows into her son's life, struggles, qualities, gifts.

They all dance in a way that helps the reader surf the various waves of the story without falling into the ocean of despair or the dry landscape of numbness.

As I said above somewhere, I was not recommending the book; like a film, everyone has their taste and I was only sharing a poignant passage. Now that you have the book, I do hope you enjoy it, that it gives you something.

I hear of and I am sorry about your heart of stone: you have found a way to cope with the unbearable pain. It is OK. Take gentle care, and thanks for connecting and replying.

Antonella

[Richard33]

Good quotation and good art.

Richard x

[Zibo in reply to Richard33]

Thanks so much, Richard.

Antonella

[VonTripe]

your artwork alone is so beautiful it captures everything for me

with love x

[Hidden]

how do we do that, how can we accept our new reality, I can't seem to come to terms with my loss I want to get better but I don't know how to..any advice?

[Heady in reply to Hidden]

If you wake up, you have to get up! I followed that advice for a long time. One day, I found I actually had a reason to get out of bed. It’s not easy, (understatement of the year!) Be kind to yourself. Set little goals you want to achieve that day. Nothing big, unless that is what you want. There is no way grief can be rushed, try at your peril. I did that and fell flat on my face a couple of years after Steve died. It’s three and a half years now, I have a new life, but there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t miss him. And, I don’t want that to change!

Sending big hug and much love

Lots of love

Anne