To be trained or not

Why do people think that I'm lucky because I'm trained carer when I'm looking after Brian. Ok yes I can spot problems as they arise but I can also see things that aren't there that red patch of skin is possible just that not a pressure sore in the making. Dementia patients I could deal with because I was trained to do that so why am I devastated by a few words from Brian yes I know I should be able to rise above it but because it's my loved one it hurts.

The training in nutrition says he should eat a balanced diet with lots of protein to keep him healthy but when he wants rice pudding and icecream I have the heart notion that at least he eating but the struggle is hard. I wish people would understand that what I did as a job is totally different to what I do in my home with my loved one.

Janexx

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  • I think lucky is the wrong word but I do think it helps to have been trained as a carer. Yes it's hard and different caring for someone you love but to those who aren't carers they probably see you as competent and confident whereas they would probably find it difficult to cope. I say this because I was a carer in a care home for 7 years. Although it was nearly 30 years ago, several people have asked me if I am a trained carer. Staff at the local hospice asked me and said they can tell those are by the way they are when they bring their loved ones to the day centre. The occupational therapist asked me. She said she thought I was by the way I had thought up ways to make our lives easier. Last night I had 6 friends round for an Indian takeaway. We stayed with Colin and I was feeding him when they arrived. Later I had to hoist him to the toilet. Without exception, they all said they wouldn't be able to do what I do. I told them they would if they had to and I know they would but as they had never had the experience they didn't have the confidence. I certainly wouldn't say I was lucky but I am very grateful to have had that experience of being trained. It all happened by chance (I went for a job as a cleaner) and one day, cleaning a lovely old lady up after an "accident" I thought, "God, how did I end up doing this and why?". I got the answer years later.

    I hope today is a good one for you both.

    Sending a hug.

    Nanna B

  • snap , I only ever worked in an office but I think I must have lost my vocation . both Carers and professionals have asked me If I was ever a nurse or what my job was .

    Nanna yes you do what you have and want to do badly enough for o find ways and means . Ev n feel proud when you have found the right way or right aid gadget to cope .

    I let everyone know I am not the only one there are people all over the world doing the same as me

  • Of course its different - it is a totally different mind set. As a professional carer you could leave your work behind at the end of the day but caring for your partner is 24/7 - and the person you are looking after is the person you have been with and known for years which make all the the changes all the more painful and personal. I think "luck " went out of the window when Brian got PSP .All strength to your arm keep going and be proud of yourself. Georgepa

  • Before PSP my husband was good at doing silly acts and fooling around (mostly for the children's amusement) I look at him sometimes to make sure it is not an act to make me laugh.I used to cook in a retirement home just prior to retiring myself but I can't see him as either old or a patient but clearly he is now.Pxx

  • Jane -

    I'm full of admiration for anyone who can cope with dementia.

    Fortunately Tony didn't go down that route but when he first went for respite once a week I used to stay while the staff got used to what he needed in the way of feeding and moving.

    During those few weeks I realised how it would upset me.

    By the time Tony went into the same care home when he came out of hospital, the home had split nursing and dementia onto two floors, so at least he didn't have to suffer the sound effects.

    I've noticed how many of those who manage to care at home have some previous experience in the field.

    Mine was working in the NHS (admin support rather than hands-on) but it meant I was used to being part of the team (and not afraid to stand up to them and fight!)

    To all the carers - keep up the good work,

    Mo

  • I also am trained. It make no difference positively, and it makes talking with doctors very hard because they insist on being the smartest person in the room.

    People are trying to think of something positive to say, like you are lucky to have the training, not how ironic and nasty it is to be trained before hand for this tragedy. like "isn't it lucky you are so strong that you can dig your own grave." Sorry, but a bit negative this morning.

    All I want to say is that I understand, and consider it a strange karma that I am surrounded by people who have needed my care.

    Jill

    Costa Rica

  • I'm a hospice nurse. It sucks. I spend my work days caring for patients and their families ( which I love) and my days off bring with mum. My family rely on me to "sort things" sometimes I just want to be me. Being trained is double edged sword.x

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