To convene or not to convene???

HELP, we have finally found something to help S, with his over active bladder. A convene. Not the normal sort, it's a rubber penis, which is strapped to him with a bag hanging off! Not sexy, not comfortable, but works! Well it would, if he could keep his hands off it. I KNOW, it's uncomfortable. I KNOW it's difficult, mentally coming to terms with just going! I KNOW. It's hard, not going to the loo. When you have spent the last 70 years knowing that's what you do.

But it works, we were able to go out, without having to worry about his bladder. Life was beginning to have a tiny bit of meaning again. BUT NO, he won't, can't leave the damned thing alone. Therefore, falls out, therefore pees everywhere. Or else, decides he needs to go and we have to go through the whole business, that the convene, was meant to stop.

What do I do? I've tried the sympathetic approach, waste of space. I've tried shouting, again, no response. I am sorry, but I don't get that it's alright to pee all over the carpet, when you are wearing something to stop that. He doesnt even care he has done it, or that I have to clear up after him. I really have had enough.

I know I could put him back in pads, but they weren't working, again kept playing and never kept his penis inside the pad. Thinks the pad is for resting it on!!! If I had a sharp enough kitchen knife, IT would be put to use!!!

Bar putting boxing gloves on him. WHAT CAN I DO??????.??????

Lots of love


18 Replies

  • Loblolly loll... I love that .

    I know the thing you meant it's almost like a sex toy . not that I know much about those lol ... We had one supplied thought the nurse my husband could use it his skin is too sensitive , what i did though was to cut all the straps off and would use it as if using a bottle .

    it's no good now he is too retracted so can only use pads . I am lucky though he doesn't touch the pads at all .He isn't incontinent but so I do always Houston into commode to keep his skin safe . that is unless I g leave him for two hours or at night .

    he doesn't go out anymore so I keep pads on him and slit through his jogging trouser so that I can access the pad as he goes onto the commode . Where's there a will there's a way

  • Oh, Heady, maybe you should lock those knives away for a while!:)

    David is the same way as far as not caring where or when he goes. But I have found one solution that is working so far. In fact, someone on this site recommended them a few weeks back. I was using those pads or guards as they call them over here. Same thing was happening. They don't stay put. Anyway I switched to the Depends Mens Underwear FitFlex. They help with the front issue and the back issue.:)

    Now that being said, I have found the main problem D has is in the bathroom standing to go pee. Some of it actually does make it into the commode. But a good part of it goes in a puddle on the floor at the base of the commode. And another thing, apparently he whips it out when he first enters the bathroom, getting ready to go, and doesn't realize it is already coming out which leaves a pee trail to the toilet. And if he sits to go, which only worked for a while, he can't get it pointed down quickly enough so it shoots straight out from the toilet onto the floor. Either way, the floor gets it!:) And of course I get to clean it up.

    But especially in your case possibly these underwear might help.

    I know I haven't had to change sheets yet because they were wet. Also it seems to still be coming out when he pulls his pants back up so his shorts get wet in the top front, and somehow in the top back. Then he doesn't want to go change. He will just sit in his chair, which I do have a waterproof cover over. Very annoying.

    The other day he was having a bad group of days in a row, and I was helping him with his shoes and socks. He said, It's like having a baby isn't it? I almost said, out of the mouths of babes! Because it is true. Especially my guy. Mentally he is really going downhill quickly.

    Okay, I'm finished. Hope you can try the underwear.


  • Heady George messes about with the convene he takes it off as well, and yes I am fed with cleaning the bathroom floor, I feel like a cleaner at times. He won't wear the convene, so what is the point trying to use it, he has got a plastic bottle, we have loads of accidents, always having to change the bed, feeling tired.

    My brother and his wife came down to stay with us for a few days, my brother love him offered to look after George, so I could go away with my sister in law for a week, just cried, can't believe it, it was so thoughtful, I am so lucky to have a brother like him, we have been looking for holiday all evening.

    Heady hope you sort something out, feeling for you sending you a big hug.

    Yvonne xxxxxxxxxx

  • The depends also work when the incontinence is bowels as you can cut them off in bed and clean up without much of a mess or at least control it. You can also cut them off at the toilet and control the mess. i am not good at this unless I put on my super rubber gloves and then can do anything!!! It is not a solution but helps. the depends are my answer.

  • Have you can you ask S what would be a good way to make that thing comfortable. Have you can you have a conversation about how he needs to respond to his peeing. Is he cognizant of what he does.....Bruce peed all around the goal, often missing bowl completely. Dr. gave him a drug which made peeing more efficient. But if talking to him is not going to prove any good, do you think an anti anxiety medicine might reduce the frustration and the uncomfortable feeling of a constant rubber....???



  • Heady it seems many of us are in the same boat and if any of us could

    solve this issue it would be a miracle. You will find a way. C now wears padded pants all the time and heavier adult diapers at night. The 'pee trails' no longer happen as he has finally accepted that I control the process of getting him to the loo and into right position once we are there. I am grateful for tiled floors - another bonus of Mediterranean life. Look after yourself.

    Today is a day care day and I am already late in terms of getting C up and ready to go.

    Must plod on.

  • Oh dear Heady what a pickle you are in. Ben not at this stage yet but I can imagine how helpless you must feel not knowing which way to turn. I do hope you find a solution to the peeing problem and please keep the knives locked away. Take care. Xx

  • I've never seen a bag that has a strap instead of sticks. When Colin first started using the stick on ones, he kept pulling them off. It must have hurt as I had a job to remove then even with adhesive removal spray. I've never thought about the knife but have threatened I'm with boxing gloves and cellotape. I was telling a friend whose husband died of motor neurone disease. She said she used to wrap cellotape round her husband's convene, poor chap. Colin has used them for some time now and I still have to remind him to leave it alone when indoors but fortunately when we are out he doesn't touch it. Reading the other replies we have gone through the same things as everyone else, trails from bedroom to bathroom, missing the toilet bowl, etc etc. but things are easier now if not perfect.

    Persevere a bit longer as if he can get used to going out with it and keeping it in place, at least you can get out.

    Hope today is good and dry!


  • bev , try searching PUBIC PRESSURE urinal

  • I made a diverter . And would hold it in front of John as he sat on the toilet . We had a seat with the front cut out . he couldn't have managed it himself of course .,

    it doesn't come as naturally for men to pee whilst sitting does it .

  • Hi Heady not much help I know as I look after a lady but I have found Tena Ladies Pants as a solution when normal pads not right for lightweight trousers. I know teaching granny to suck eggs but they are an all in one underpants with pad. They are available in local supermarkets. Worth a try or use as an extra pad when going out. Just do not let him see they are for ladies that could cause a ruckus. may be Jeannie's product is similar but for men.

    M still laughing after I read her your note nice to get a reaction from her even if at your expense. Best wishes and keep your hands off the knives that makes me squirm. Tim

  • Superglue?

  • Prefer the knife personally!!!!

  • Could you convince someone to catheterize him? Even for a few days to give you a break? Seems a little mean maybe, but your sanity should count for something.

  • Re the wet sheet situation. I have them constantly so decided to make the bed up as usual with a disposable bed pad under a sheet, then another bed pad and another sheet. Still the same amount of wet sheets BUT in the middle of the night it saves me sanity only having to take a sheet off then back into bed on the underneath clean bedding. Steve wears Tena pads during the day - wonde4rful but at night its a wee into his night bag with the funnel which is a great invention if he wakes up in time to use it. However he gets sore if wearing pads day and night so best solution has been found. Hope this helps xx

  • Dear Heady

    Sorry to hear that you are finding things challenging at the moment. If you would like to discuss further or just let off steam please give the helpline a call.

  • Thank you

  • Heady, how is the convene going?

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