So we talk about our loved ones new symtoms and how to take care of them. Do we ever speak about what is truly bothering us. What is truly bothering me is losing my best friend and love of 31 years, my wonderful, handsome, loving husband. Losing him in such a way that I never would have expected and never could have concieved of. He doesnt listen too much any more and I think that is because he cant grasp much of what I am saying. When he pulls off his catheter for the third time in one night and I ask him why he is doing it he says, "I cant help it. When he picks up his thickened drink and pours it on the floor and I ask him why he did that he says, "I cant help it." I then yell at him and say of course you can help it what is wrong with you. Then he looks at me like he is afraid and I feel like crying. I don't cry because he gets so upset when I cry and he starts crying too. I feel so sorry for him and I want this awful disease to go away. I ask him what is wrong with him, but I know what is wrong with him, he has PSP. He is getting sicker eveyday and I am losing him and I am afraid and sad and angry. And there are times when I feel that I will not make it through this. I just want my husband back. There are times when I just lie in his arms and he holds me and for a moment I feel as though nothing is wrong and he is there caring for me and he is my strong husband again before PSP. Why does this disease have to steal our loved ones.
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