Change of Life…Good-bye or Good Ridda... - Prostate Cancer A...

Prostate Cancer And Gay Men
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Change of Life…Good-bye or Good Riddance to Sex?


Excuse me while I turn philosophical.

After 44 daily radiation treatments and the beginning of two years of androgen deprivation therapy (ADT) injections to suppress my testoterone, maybe it is time to assess my life, especially my sex life. I’ve always been promiscuous. Even with a long-time partner, I’ve been sneaking off to dirty movies, peep shows, bath houses, and backrooms for more than 40 years. “Just one time and I’ll stop,” I told myself again and again and again.

Well, I never could stop myself.

As if the forces of the universe had listened long enough to my empty promises, prostate cancer stopped me. Daily radiation and a double injection of a drug called Firmagon are changing my life in ways that I alone cannot. No more trips to the bath houses. No erections. Not much interest in sex at all.

After a realization that the drug will change my body, after a deep sadness, I actually felt a calmness settle in when I admitted to myself that a return to promiscuity and even complete recovery may not be in the cards. The mysteries of my sickness may not be solved. Things may fall apart. But falling apart is a kind of test and also a kind of healing.

“There is one consolation in being sick,” says the philosopher, “and that is the possibility that you may recover to a better state than you were ever in before.”

So, guys, I don't want to be a drama queen about all this, but questions remain. Is there any truth to what the philosopher says? Are you in a better state than you ever were before? Am I?

I can’t be the only one going through these life-altering changes. I'd like to hear your experiences.

13 Replies

You make a good observation. ADT helps you focus on the desire—or lack thereof—for sex at all times. I still enjoy sex with my husband, but it’s more emotional than horny. The ADT keeps me from being horny for sex all the time. I hope you get some other answers.

Sex with my partner and did probably 12 or 13 years ago. The only sexual activity left was daily masturbation weird porn online. Having started Lupron three months ago the whole inclination vanished or at least was only a shadow. I will start radiation later in the month they will be getting another three-month Lupron shot. I’m very curious to see how my Desires and actions will be after this period of forced abstention.

in reply to FrankH

And did not and did

in reply to FrankH

“Ended” NOT “and did”

Speaking philosophically, I am in a much better state than I was before my prostatectomy because I have no cancer. Everything else is secondary.

Well said...

You are lucky my friend.

I am very much aware of this and appreciate the fight that everyone else has to endure.

I haven't reached zen yet. I honestly regret having RRP because of all the side effects and additional things I have to deal with on a daily basis.

I'm gay and was diagnosed at 54. I was very sexually active. Unfortunately the Lupron and other ADT treatments did absolutely nothing to kill my libido. It just caused erectile dysfunction and changed my now I'm horny, but do not feel attractive or sexy. It bothers me so much that I feel like ditching treatment and living whatever life I have left free of hotflashes and ED. It's not like there are anymore treatments I can try at this point. I've burned through what's available in 4 short years. All that's left is chemo and I'm not doing that again. Twice was enough. My eyebrows and eyelashes barely grew back. I dont understand how some partners still want to be sexual with their partners who are on ADT. Mine most certainly doesn't.

Thanks for the reply. Looks like you've been a lot. Hope you can find a way to keep positive. It's tough. I'm doing all I can to fight the bodily changes. Going to the gym every day and walking lots. Still, I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle and that the ADT is stronger than I am.

I completely understand. With out testosterone the battle to keep the body from turning into one giant pear shape seems futile. But I like you still go to the gym and do cardio as well.

Yes, the gym is quite helpful, even though I'm still dealing with womanly hips, flabby thighs, and that annoying layer of fat right above the package. Ugh!

But I've been able to deal with the ED with a device of my own making. Now I just today ordered Xialla, a brand-new product that, like mine, works by applying a pulling kind of pressure without constricting blood flow. You, and so many other men, could benefit from that and/or Giddy.

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