Prostate Cancer And Gay Men
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I had the robotic radical prostatectomy on Wednesday, August 17th at Memorial Sloan Kettering with Dr. Vincent Laudone. What an amazing doctor and facility. He is not only a great doctor but also a very caring and kind man. The Josie Robertson surgery facility is incredible. I am so happy that I finally decided to select that doctor and MSK. The doctors in Florida diagnosed a Gleason 6 back in March. I decided to get other opinions which took me to MSK. They did a MRI guided biopsy on July 1st and found that I actually had a Gleason 7 cancer which prompted a strong recommendation for surgery. I am now 12 days out of surgery and am doing pretty good. Still very sore and bloated from the surgery. I have had very little incontinence and am only using the padded underwear at night and a pad in my underwear during the day if I leave the house just to be safe. So far, I have only had a couple of accidents and am able to control my bladder most of the time. I know from my doctor and nurse that is unusual so I am very grateful. As for erections I have no clue because it is the furthest thing from my mind right now. Having lost my Mother and brother to cancer the important thing to me is to be cancer free. Of course, I hope erections return but I am not going to let that control my recovery or positive thoughts about the future. The pathology report was pretty good except the cancer had penetrated the prostate in one area but the margins were clear. There was a perineural (sp?) invasion but the doctor said it was within the prostate and common for this type of cancer. Lymph nodes and semninal vesicular were all clear. Mostly good news that will require vigilance on my part for regular checkups going forward. But no chemotherapy or radiation at this time is recommended. My only wish is I would have requested a MRI guided biopsy in the first place so the more aggressive cancer could have been found back in March and I could have had the cancer removed sooner and maybe it woudn't have penetrated the prostate? I read about the MRI guided biopsy but didn't understand the importance of it until it was too late.... Hopefully, others facing a similar decision will go with the MRI guided biopsy to help get a more precise diagnosis sooner rather than later. I know I am a lucky guy and truly blessed compared to what many of the others face. Thanks for all the kind words and encouragement over the past weeks. It was really helpful. Hope I can do the same for others someday. My best, John

8 Replies

I'm going tomorrow for my surgery. I'm glad your doing well. Good to see some encouraging news.


Bravo John.



Glad that you are doing so well. I assume that you live in the NYC area so you might want to join Malecare at one of our weekly group meetings held in Union Square (Wednesdays at 6 pm). If you might be interested I can give you more information.



Joel, I live in Manhattan. Can you please send me the details about the Malecare meetings that take place in Union Square ? Thank you.


New York City Prostate Cancer Support Groups meeting information

All groups meet in Manhattan, at 10 Union Square East, between 14th and 15th Street. Most subway and bus lines pass through Union Square .

Groups will not meet on Wed December 28, 2016 and January 2, 2017

A. The weekly open to all diagnosed men ugroup will meet every Wed, from 6-7:30

The weekly group meets on the second floor, in conference room 3. When you get off the elevator, walk towards the large open atrium. Turn left and enter the set of double doors for the conference rooms. We meet in conference room #3.

B. The Gay Men with Prostate Cancer group meets on the first Monday of the month, from 6:30-8PM in the fourth floor conference room in 4A (known as the Bogart room) For your first time, plan to arrive ten minutes early and look for men going to the group…the room is hard to find, so you’ll want a guide.

C. The Advanced Prostate Cancer group meets on the third Thursday of every month, from 6:30-8 PM, in the fourth floor conference room in 4A, known as the Bogart room. For your first time, plan to arrive ten minutes early and look for men going to the group…the room is hard to find, so you’ll want a guide.

Glad to have you join us.



Joel, thank you for such a comprehensive reply to my question. Very kind of you. I am not newly diagnosed. In fact, I was treated for my prostate cancer in 2004. What I am finding is that while my libido is as strong as ever, I am no longer accepting that in exchange for being free of cancer, I have to live with much less potent orgasms than before. I have become depressed and isolated feeling less than and not equal to my gay and straight brothers.

Over the years when I've brought this up with medical people I get a standard answer that that's the price I have to pay for being free or cancer or that it's a factor of my age: I'm 68.

I'm giving you so much information because I want to ask you if you've been attending the weekly group and monthly gay men's group long enough to hear other men come in and discuss similar issues to what I have described.

I'd appreciate your reply, at your convenience, of course. And if you have to ask me a follow up question or questions feel free to.

Lastly, if you're kind enough to reply to this, can you please tell me if this website allows for communication simply between you and me rather than my details being read by all who pass through this portal ?




I do not attend the gay groups, but I can tell you that the group and the group leader are really kind and loving. Knowing the other two groups which I do attend I can say that you will find the kindness and listening ear your are looking to have.

I would be glad to communicate with you through direct email. My address is



Thanks, Joel. I'll take you up on your offer sometime in the future.


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