Hi guys, hope you're all well. I haven't posted in so long. I remember I was here and in the fertility group daily throughout IVF, pregnancy and the first couple of months post partum. It was such invaluable support. Anyway, fast forward a few months and it's Alex's birthday in 2 days. Don't need to tell you what a crazy whirlwind it's been but overall incredibly happy. Alex is in high percentiles for weight and height, he sleeps and eats well and is a happy little boy. I had no concerns until I got the 12 month review questionnaire and now I've been freaking out for a few days.
So my question is: can you remember when your little ones started pointing, clapping and waving? Alex isn't doing any of them. I hadn't been concerned before as he's engaged, wants my attention, good eye contact, very reactive, cuddly, babbles and bangs things together, shuffles book pages, turns them the right way up, looks to me for my reaction to things, mimics my faces and sounds, is happily cruising (through crawled a bit late at 10 months and cruised at 11). It's this f*cking review that holds those 3 things as key milestones and absence of which as markers for autism. Now I'm thinking he does flap his arms a fair bit when he's excited or wants attention.
Now please, I don't want to be insensitive about children with autism. This is not the intention at all. Whatever happens my feelings would not change in the SLIGHTEST but truth be told, if I could choose, I'd rather he followed a typical development track.
So did anyone do these things after 12 months with no issues in the future?
Thanks so much in advance
(And sending a lot of love to the old crew who I shared so much with starting a couple of years ago) ❤️
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Bella_Bee
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He sounds great, neither of mine ticked every box at their reviews. My kids still don't point that much or clap. I know from my experience with my first I was panicky about the 12 month review, she spent a lot of her first year in lockdown and I wasn't confident that she was doing well. The health visitor wasn't concerned at all, and flew through the forms. She's now 3 and doing well and can very nearly spell her name. It's really a very quick check up and my main take away was that I could stop breastfeeding if I walked to and give cows milk, which just annoyed me more than anything as I wanted a bit of praise for getting to a year!
Second child, I nearly didn't even bother doing the review, it was pointless and I was happy with her progress. It was over in about 5 minutes.
I don't think unless they're really showing huge delays they do anything, it's just another box ticking exercise.
I think you're little boy sounds super engaging and smart xx
Hey Seb, good to hear from you, glad both kids are doing well ❤️
Oh I don't care about HVs or feeling judged or not passing a test or anything. Really could not care less. Especially since they came ONCE at 5 days and I NEVER heard from them again, despite many calls and messages until I gave up.
I just worry about Alex's neurological development and if there is something extra I should be doing. I look like a frikkin clown clapping hands and waving non stop 🤦♀️😆
Ps You are a hero for bf for a year. I lasted 24 hrs. 😢
He sounds like he's doing amazing at all his other things, all kids are so different, my friends little boy walked at 9 months and my daughter was more like 13 months. It feels like it's all swings and roundabouts though.
My daughter potty trained by 2, her son at nearly 4 still hasn't completely cracked it. . Her son will eat whatever put in front of him, my daughter lives on thin air. Mine will go on her own down the biggest slides at soft play and he won't even go to the top floor by himself.
Sometimes it feels like they're ahead and sometimes they're a bit slower and half the time we have very little influence on them other than doing our best 😊
hi Bella, mine started around the 12m mark. I’ll be honest I as a bit worried beforehand but he started nursery just around the same time and within a few weeks was doing all 3 - they really do all just do what they want and when they want. Are you in the U.K.? I had a review at 10 months and was told the next one was at 2y 3m 🙄 but the 10m review also was mixed - he could do some things really well and others not at all and I wasn’t concerned at all as he’s growing well, good social skills etc which sounds like your little one too. Xx
Thank you so much for responding. I'm in the UK now but shortly going back to the other side of the world for work. Maternity leave over! 😢 Though I keep joking that I'm looking forward to going back to work for a break! 😆 I'm thinking I should have socialised him a bit better. Haven't been big on play groups, a bit more monkey see monkey do might have helped. I don't care if he's late to it, I just hope he doesn't have neurological issues as I feel so ill prepared as single mum by choice abroad.. But I guess I'd crack on as everyone does.. glad your little one is doing well. I will confess that I haven't been impressed in the slightest with post partum and newborn care in the UK. It is shocking in comparison to other advanced countries (US excluded as we know how well they managed to screw up healthcare...!)
oh lovely, good luck with your move! Hahah I know what you mean, now I have an almost 18month old, my day off with him is more exhausting than being at work 4x a week 🤣
Honestly don’t worry about the social aspect, esp when they’re so small - I hardly took mine to any until he was 7 months old and even then it was only when I could manage getting out the house tbh!
Yes I don’t have a great opinion on post partum care either - not sure if it’s because we had covid babies or not but it’s not been great. Every HV and GP has a different opinion on how to do something as well which isn’t great!
All the best to you and hope your sons review goes great (but don’t worry because it’s just rubbish anyway!) xx
easier said than done but try not to worry. These reviews can be tough and the health visitor does not expect your child to be able everything ok the sheet. We all learn at our own pace. Your son sounds great and I wouldn't worry. My Eliza who is the same age as Alex is not clapping or waving yet - but is very engaging. Her older sister Francesca is autistic but not offended by what you have said if I had the choice I wish she wasn't of course I love her regardless but it is hard work with her as she is also non verbal ( said a few words but never consistently ) and I worry for her future. I was in a big dental for a longtime with Francesca who showed so many signs of autism.As mother with an autistic child I can honestly say from what you have described about him he does not sound at all autistic to me. Eliza likes to rock with excitement but it's okay as she has good eye contact etc that her older sister didn't and not showing signs of sensitivity to noise or busy environment etc. Xx
Sending you a big hug Jess, I clearly remember how responsive you were to so many ladies going through all sorts of issues from minor anxieties to heartbreak. You really took the time and I loved reading your messages.
Thank you for the encouragement. And I'm glad you didn't take my message the wrong way. Hope Francesca finds a way through the challenges, she's in the best of hands with you. ❤️
I think society needs much more awareness and better understanding of the struggles being autistic- I gave up with baby and toddlers groups they just did not get the struggles my Francesca has with noise etc . I got annoyed with the snotty judgemental looks. Chris Packham did an amazing show on autism. People see that and they might just get it.
.Health visitors always have to say something negative. Mine made a dig at me for Eliza for daring to rock in excitement as if I wouldn't be aware of symptoms of autism when I have Francesca😂 I find them very irritating and laughable! . They can't help themselves they have to have say something that is upsetting to you - yet they don't dare say or enter someone's house that are abusing their children. It's always the parents doing their best they have to make feel bad. Reviews are totally pointless - they are a government box ticking exercise nothing more value than that. All children do learn and do things at different rates. By the age of 5 years most children are all caught up and same lev. It's bulls**t. My ex brother in law threw the health visitors put his house as they were being rude and unkind to my sister! He told them to f**k off as he could see May upset! But they live in Canada not uk here you'd have social services crawling all over you. Your little boy is fine. We aren't all tins of baked beans we are all different and do things at different times. Xx
Gosh, funny you should mention that. My HV followed up the questionnaire with a phone call to confirm the appt. When I asked her what happens if the child doesn't tick all the boxes ( normal first time parent q I thought) she actually, and I quote, said "if you've been engaging with your baby he should be able to do them all". The only reason I did not tell her that was a twatish thing to say, beyond plain wrong, is because I don't want them up my a*se until I go. They can make your life hell for the most stupid reasons. I can count on one hand the amount of times I've left Alex with my parents for a few hours. No judgement for who doesn't, it's just how I wanted to spend mat leave. Being a single working mum I am painfully aware of how precious and finite this time is. But it's interesting, I'm discovering I'm soooo thin skinned when it comes to Alex, completely unlike me. Oh well, a couple of hours to go. I will report back, just for giggles. Apparently it's a 10min appointment. I've discussed teenage acne for longer with health professionals. 😆
Hey! He sounds like he’s doing really well. I haven’t actually the twins review, they turned one yesterday! And I have no idea when that appointment will be as I’ve not heard from my HV since the twins were 6 weeks old (not through lack of trying either). But, my two do things at totally different paces. My little boy was rolling months before my little girl, but she crawled early and sat earlier. She’s been clapping a while, waving a while and started pointing last week whereas my little boy only started waving a few days ago along with pointing. They each get there eventually! Xx
Hiya! From what everyone has told me so far the actual review will be completely underwhelming ! It's the actual fact that he's doing none of these things that's worrying me. Most kids get at least one. My niece starting clapping and dancing at 7 months. 🤦♀️ but I guess girls are just better at everything 😉😆 So happy to hear the twins are doing well. Hang in there supermum! Xx
Hi, just wanted to say those are not really signs for autism or not. So don't worry too much, my eldest did all of those things really early and now it's pretty obvious she is autistic. Please dont worry about things like that at 12 months sounds like he is doing great but I totally get why the reviews suddenly have you over analysing and doubting things.
Hiya, thanks for replying. It's not me, it's the mchat test, though of course it's a much longer list... Do you mind me asking what kind of behaviours your daughter is displaying at what age? The wait for a developmental screening where I live is 8 months, which is a complete joke. In toddler development time that may as well be 80 years !
sounds exactly like our little boy was even down to the percentiles and timings of the crawling etc (he was actually after his first bday for crawling but was cruising and walking holding hands first) I was convinced he was autistic because he wasn’t doing these things or the pointing or shaking his head yes or no etc. we had even looked up specialist in the area but my other half wasn’t convinced (they work with adults who have autism as does my mum) as like your little one he was engaging us with eye contact and smiles and playing well and interacting with us with toys and books but as the months went on they started to see what I was seeing (he wasn’t even calling us by our names but was all the animals 🤷🏻♀️) and we looked up a specialist for autism and were about to engage their services when he was about 18 months but then he just suddenly started doing everything he was ‘meant’ to be doing by the milestones and more just before Christmas. His nursery couldn’t believe it when I brought him back after a few weeks off for the holidays he’s learned literally hundreds of words all at once can count to 12 and knows the numbers (ie not reciting them from route memory) knows all his colours and shapes and sings and dances along to songs he communicates exceptionally well now with words, gestures and expressions at 21 months. He now points to everything and tries to name it. I think that, just like with his walking and crawling and rolling over, he did it all a little later than his ‘milestones’ but when he did do it he did it well it’s like he sits and observes and soaks it all in for a while before he attempts it himself.
My point is it’s just too young to tell most of the time and these ‘milestones’ can get is worrying for no reason sometimes so please try not to worry (although a million people did tell me the same I still worried of course but it was a little less). Hope that helped a little 🤗 xx
we looked at this recently (mine is nearly 9 months) and were amazed that they think babies can point at 12 months. It seems really hard. Waving… you have to have taught this a lot so if you haven’t don’t worry. And clapping is also hard, my 9 month old can sort of clap her hands together (not quite and no sound) but she won’t do it on demand on when you want to and to my mind hasn’t connected it with actual clapping. Don’t worry about those milestones so much - especially since he’s a boy and they can take longer. I don’t think it means much at this stage
Sometimes they just need a reason to learn something new. My daughter learned to point at 9 months because my mum points out at the planes in the sky, and really makes a big deal out of it. Clapping even before that, because of a silly song about clapping that she loved. But waving, nah, not interested, even now at 18 months, she prefers saying bye bye that moving the hand. They really need to find a reason to learn something, otherwise they will just be not interested.
I had that feeling exactly. Spent the weeks between when the questionnaire got sent and the appointment doing focussed training on getting a one year old to drop breakfast cereal into a pot and some equally ridiculous things because they was on our questionnaire. What he does will be heavily influenced by what you do with him and what he wants to do. So if you wave and point loads and tell him to point at what he wants to eat for tea he is likely to pick it up sooner than if you communicate in other ways.
Incidentally my son went through massive learning and development between ages of about 13-15 months, he went from doing almost nothing on the checklist to almost everything. His appointment with health visitor was delayed so they sent the next questionnaire for 15-16 month olds and it was asking almost the same as the 12-13 month one! So don’t worry. The health visitor who said that to you just proved her own stupidity. Try to encourage waving and pointing and he will probably get it very soon.
As a follow up (I hate threads that don't give an update!) I just wanted to let you know that Alex started clapping, waving and pointing all within a 48hr period when he was exactly 13 months and 2 weeks old. On my first 2 days back at work! 😭 It was like a switch! I don't get babies, I genuinely don't! 😂
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