I'm having my third baby in a month or so and although it was a planned and very much wanted pregnancy, I'm worried that i've made the wrong decision for my family. I have a 10 and 7 year old boys, I don't know anyone with a similar situation of having a. child at my age and so worried that we will have no similar family units to share our experiences with. Anyone else in a similar boat or have similar age gaps?
Thank you 🙏
Hope you get some responses - as there are a good few over 40s with positive stories on here 😀
Xxx
Thank you 😘😘
hi
I’m an older mum, I was 42 when I had my daughter. I don’t have any other children - so slightly different to you in that respect.
The majority of my friends are a similar age and either have no kids at all or grown up kids, but I soon met new people by taking my little one to groups to socialise
It’s very easy to worry, as being older we alway think people take note of this but tbh no one really cares.
I don’t think you need to worry that you have made the wrong decision as you said this was a planned pregnancy so you have already thought everything through, I don’t believe you need to be concerned about who has a similar family unit to yours, every family unit is different, you will find you feet when the little one is born and adapt as you go along
It was planned but took 5 years so when we first thought it through we were both that little bit younger of course...
we needed IVF intervention, I was 37/38 when we started, finally got pregnant on our third and final round when I was 41. Parents are getting older, due to people wanting careers etc first. My husbands 61 now and has a 26 yr old son already, so our make up is probably way different to others around
I’m sure everything will be fine when your little ones here
Yes so my husband is 51 now and it's really
panicking me as to how i will
manage on my own as an older parent if he's not fit and sprightly enough to help me! How old is your daughter now? Does this worry you at all? x
my daughter is 18 month old this week. I work full time and run the house. My husband retired 3 yrs ago, he got a part time job to tide him over and now does 10 hrs a week picking up daddy day care 3 days a week. He does activities with her as do I. Yes we get tired but that’s just life and we get on with it
My husband has degenerative disc disease in her lower spine, combination of age and a motorcycle accident several years ago, so he suffers with that but if anything our daughter keeps us active, so no time not to be sprightly - I’m sure you will be absolutely fine x
Congratulations, it will never be the wrong decision. Don't worry
Thank you xx
I am 43 and have a 3 month old, my other son is 14, my partners boys are 16 and 18. I completely understand where you are coming from and I had similar thoughts, however now he is here they all my issues disappeared. I joined a baby group and a lot of women were in the same boat with large age gaps, i also meet up with two of the girls and I am more than 10 years older but it dosent bother me now. Join a group and you might meet women in the same boat, the other option as I thought about it was to post on Facebook if you have a town group asking if there is someone out there to meet. You will be fine xx
That's reassuring to hear how things work for you ♥️
Worry has no currency… no value… please don’t worry…. I was almost 44 when my little daughter arrived one year ago… an only child, she’s the absolute love of our lives. You will figure it all out- my friend had a little boy, her two older sons being 16,14… the new energy in her family, the doting of her older sons over the younger, it’s pure joy. Try not to worry… you are blessed x
Thank you for sharing. I really hope you are right ♥️
I have a similar age gap. I was 47 when I had my 3rd daughter. The older 2 were 10 and 7. Honestly don't worry at all. It is so wonderful to see the relationship develop between the 3. The older 2 adore the baby and rush to be the first one to go into her in the morning and catch her first morning smile. I call them her fan club. They love playing with her and she brings us all so much joy and laughter. I have joined a few baby groups and got to know mum's with babies of similar ages. I haven't met anyone with a similar gap but it really doesn't matter. The other mum's don't care! Like you, I got myself a bit stressed out while I was pregnant, but as soon as the baby arrived all those worries disappeared. Energy wise you will manage, I did. Best of luck with it all and enjoy. I think we are so lucky to get to experience it all again x
That’s so reassuring to hear. My eldest isn’t hugely impressed with another baby joining us so not sure how ‘devoted’ a big brother he will be 🙈 My youngest son is more keen and hoping he will be able to have some kind of nice relationship with her…
I hope to take to it all like you have! x
And i guess yes
congratulations on your pregnancy, a little bit of the other perspective for you. I’m 24 now and my mam had me when she was 42. I am her only child so I did struggle with the age gap when I was younger as she was too tired to take me places I wanted to go and didn’t always have things that we connected over. She was a single parent however so I was too young to understand that money came into that too. But one thing I always asked for was a brother or sister which she unfortunately couldn’t give me. Now we are closer than we’ve ever been, I’ve grown up to like the things that she does and I’ve been able to teach her a lot too. So overall it didn’t impact me as much as I thought it would. From what you’ve said, you already have children and they will also play a massive part in the nee baby’s childhood. If you or your partner aren’t able to do something, that’s where siblings come in. They can be the ones to be more hands on to play while you’re both there to supervise and support etc. it was never an issue for me or my mam in the school playground or when I had friends as my mam would still make the effort with their parents no matter the age. There was no one with a similar family unit to us but it meant we had other things to connect over. I hope this helps!
Thank you - that’s really reassuring to hear about your experience. i just worry that as they are 2 older boys that will be in their teens/late teens they won’t be interested in a 7/8/9 year old girl but i could be wrong! I guess you can’t really predict how things will turn out and you just have to take each step as it comes…! Thank you for sharing - it’s so helpful to hear other people’s experiences… ♥️
hopefully they’ll be amazing role models for her! I have older half brothers on my dads side who would come see me once a week when they finished school, there’s 8 years difference between me and the youngest brother although I’m the youngest and they were protectors to me and always stuck up for me when I needed it. Although they were older they still sat and played the games I wanted to play but I didn’t really give them a choice haha! I’m sure they’ll warm to her and really show how amazing brothers they are
That’s so lovely to hear - exactly what i needed right now!!
You'll be fine! Hopefully you led your boys to be independent and help around the house. And if you did not, maybe now is the time to change the rules... Do you attend any antenatal classes? I find most of the mothers in mine are "older" so maybe you could find some friends there.
On a positive note, the research says that the older you give birth, the longer you'll live, with mothers over 40 having higher chance of making it to 100 and beyond. So your kids will keep you young 😁
My sisters are 10 yrs and 7 years older than me. I loved having older siblings me and my eldest sister have more on a special bond cos she looked after me and taught me lots with our age gap. I would'nt worry!
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