Today,for the first time i visited my David's grave,it was tinged with sorrow and all the words i wished i had said,but i said them today anyway .
So many poignant thoughts came flooding back,and i realised grief has so many unopened doors.
I know occasionally i could have been a better partner,but like most people i can acknowledge that i do have my human flaws and frailties.
We cannot change whats gone before,but we can build on it.
I was truly blessed to have a partner who worshiped the ground i walked on,his devotion was without equal and i was so privileged to be a big part of his life.
Today i stood at his grave and honoured his unwavering devotion,and he was also very proud of Queen and Country,having served in the Royal Navy for most of his professional life,and he always refered to her Majesty the Queen as his boss,but in a proud way.
I left Memorial Woodlands with a heavy heart today,and in truth no way should i have driven there alone,and several times people hooted at me ,such was my anquish and tears,however i was so glad to get home in one piece,and i should say until David became so ill,he used to do all the driving,and now thats another thing i struggle with.
Life does continue,but its different.
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secrets22
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Aww secrets, my heart goes out to you, I can just imagine how you were feeling throughout that trip but you've now been there and said the words you wanted to say so my question is, does it make you feel any easier, has it helped? You say you occasionally could have been a better partner, but the fact is, David loved you for who you were regardless. He sounds like he was a wonderful person and I'm sure he wouldn't have wanted you to be any different. xx
David would be so proud of you, for doing that, remember you can always talk to David wherever you are, I was a daddy's girl and although we lost him in 2004 I still talk to him, more than I talk to mum who we lost recently, David now would want you to look after yourself, take care love and hugs x
it was 16 months ago of dementia,and most of that time i nursed him at home....5 long years,but i would do it all again.
Hi Roddy. Understandably a very reflective post and I guess that first visit to the resting place of a loved one is always quite difficult. I've found with those doors of grief that sometimes we long to keep them firmly shut, but that they creak open every so often and remind us that life has irrevocably changed! But it does go on. We pick ourselves up and stick ourselves back together. Like a broken piece of china cobbled together so that the cracks are obvious, but if we are lucky enough we can still find a use for it.Oh yes, those should, could and would have said words which we didn't because over-ridingly we don't see that day coming when we can't ever say them. These are the words of a song, 'If I had Only Known' from Reba McEntire, which seem to say it all on that score! Today's been another milestone day for you on the new road you have to walk. I hope it's helped and that you'll now feel you can go back from time to time and share your thoughts with your beloved David.
Hi Sue and secrets what a lovely record as I read your post even tho I'd already read your PM the tears rolled down my face I totally feel for you and must be so arful having loved and lost and felt that completeness I so long for but have never yet been blessed with it I have never known true love I live in hope I will someday be loved by someone I love hence soulmate, I can relate to what you say about grief kreeping unelected regarding my father as you know that's still a bit raw think oh I'm fine it's over then a silly thing like going in supermarket down the toiletries isle where I last bought his things for the care home and shop music doesn't help I had to fight tears back few weeks ago and the slippers I saw whilst in the big cue I still have some of his many things his leather jacket and denim I'll wear the denim I've been wearing a lot of his things a check shirt a fleece I been making planters out of his shed decking wood, and I regret not seeing him for 6 weeks after he lashed out at me and not seeing him more these feelings have faded, I foccus on the good I did for him I took him in park in his chair and I did make it up to him and the fact that he on dying looked up at window when was drugged and asleep as I looked in and waved means so much that love spiritual link hence my post I put out for you and Don love never dies🧡 I saw a scotch butterfly today and I came in and read you p m that goosey feeling came over me not a chill it was that feeling of spirit I had a shock today as you know and at the same time my mam was upset this goosey feeling I had and the butterfly watch for the sines the more you believ the more you will see them sending a hug 🧡🌟X
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Hi Mandy, the hard part about loving, whether it's our partners, our parents, our children, or anyone else is coming to terms with the fact that it comes with the knowledge that it can be very painful too. But it's still very worth doing because it's the essence of being human. Life may force us to part but the love can still go on and on. 🙏
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Hi Sue yes I know and we had shock today my mam's first born granddaughter age 12 may have had heart attack maby angina my mam's in a state bit calmer now this could finish mam off 🌟
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Hope she'll be OK Mandy. That was shocking news.
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We don't trust hospital they said mam had indegestion and did ecg 6 yr ago sent her home said won't have heart attack in 3 month's 2 weeks later she was in the main hospitals specialist office as her appointment was booked they said keep your appointment at other hospital after intense pain we even tried to get morphine her appointment came said your not safe to go home need to operate immediately she had 95 percent block main heart artery she should have shed hospital the other one, off to sleep soon watching music channel old stuff I forced a sandwhich down she's our favourite relation 🧡🌟🌠🌠🌠
Do you think it will be acceptable for me to put dad's vague photo on on his anniversary probably not my sister was in a mask n Vasa just to show the hardships of the pandemic probably my grief is best hidden and I can't see me ever visiting his grave maby one day
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