To the guy on crutches wearing the camouflage gear who just stole my wallet. You can hide but you can't run!!
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If anyone needs a huge boat that can hold loads of animals, I Noah guy!
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.Just visited the birthplace of the founder of modern dentistry. Surprised there isn't some kind of plaque on the wall.
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Just been offered a job in the south of france. I thought why not i have got nothing Toulouse.
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I went to see the RED ARROWS the other month.
There were gasps of "Ooh" and "Aah" as the crowds watched on in amazement. Near miss after near miss had some people covering their eyes and shaking their heads in disbelief.
It was a good half hour's worth of entertainment, but in the end, Marnie finally managed to park the car and we made our way to the air show.
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.Joe says to Paddy, "Close your curtains the next time you and your wife are getting intimate. The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday. "Paddy says: "Well the joke's on them because I wasn't even at home yesterday"
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A 54 year old woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital.
While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God she asked "Is my time up?"
God said, "No, you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."
Upon recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face-lift, liposuction, breast implants and a tummy tuck. She even had someone come in and change her hair colour and brighten her teeth! Since she had so much more time to live, she figured she might as well make the most of it.
After her last operation, she was released from the hospital. While crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by an ambulance.
Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had
another 43 years? Why didn't you pull me from out of the path of the ambulance?"
God replied: "I didn't recognise you."..
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My mate phoned and told me he had changed his name to Spinal Column.
I said: "I'll call you back."
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My Doctor said: "Come over here to the window and put your tongue out please".
I said: "Why, is the light better over there?"
He said: "No, I just hate the man in the office block opposite".
I went by the house I grew up in and asked if I could come in and have a look around.
They said no and slammed the door.
Parents can be so cruel.
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What do you call a Spaniard who can't find his vehicle?
Carlos.
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