What bird is always out of breath?
A puffin!
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.Did you hear about the newly discovered red-phase owl. It was found in San Francisco sittin’ on the dock of the bay. Scientists are not sure what the common name will be, but the scientific name is Otus Redding.
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A magician was performing on cruise ship and each night while performing his pet parrot keeps saying "its up his sleeve" " its in his pocket". "its in his shoe". "in his pants" etc and the magician was loosing his patience. one night while performing his tricks the ships boilers blew and the ship sank, the lucky magician was able to grab onto a ships table and float on the sea for a few days. the parrot in the mean time seemed non plussed and was looking quizzically at the magician for a few days whilst drifting. On the 4th day the parrots looks at his master and says "I give up... what did you do with the ship?"
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.Why do owls avoid making love in a storm? Because it’s too wet to woo.
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A man took his bird to the avian vet because it had been sick. The vet said, “I have good news and I have bad news. The bad news is, your bird has chirpees. The good news is, it's tweetable.”
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How do you know if your cat has eaten a duckling? It’s got that down-in-the-mouth look!
Why was the parrot wearing a raincoat? So it would be poly-unsaturated.
An old lady buys a parrot, but it refuses to say a word. Three years pass and the parrot remains silent until, one day, the old lady gives it an apple. “Oh my God!” shouts the parrot. “There’s a bloody maggot in it!” “Good heavens,” says the old lady. “All these years without speaking. Why have you started now?” “Well,” replies the parrot. “Until today the food has been quite passable.”
A short elderly woman bursts into a pet store. “I want to buy a canary, but it’s got to be a good singer! I've got good, hard cash, but I'm only paying for a good singer.”
The shop owner begins moving a ladder towards a small cage on a shelf about 15 feet up, near the ceiling of the shop. “Ma'am, I’ve been in this business for 40 years and the best singer I’ve ever heard is in that cage.”
“Don't think I’m gonna feel obligated to pay for something I don’t want just because you’re climbing up a ladder like a monkey. I want a canary, but it’s got to be a singer.”
By this point, the shop keeper is coming down the ladder. “Ma’am, this bird is a veritable feathered Caruso!” He places the cage on the counter and the bird bursts into melody after melody.
Awed, the woman murmurs, “Why, he is a good singer.” Suddenly she screams, “Hey, this bird’s only got one leg!”
The pet store owner is unperturbed. “Madam, what do you want, a singer or a dancer?”
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.Deep within a forest a little turtle began to climb a tree. After hours of effort he reached the top, jumped into the air waving his front legs and crashed to the ground. After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground.
The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts. Finally, the female bird turned to her mate.
“Dear,” she chirped, “I think it's time to tell him he's adopted.”.
What did the gamekeeper say to the lord of the manor
The pheasants are revolting!
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What do you call a bunch of chickens playing hide-and-seek ?
Foul play!
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How many birds does it take to change a light bulb ?
Toucan do it !
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Why does a storm stand on one leg ?
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Because it would fall over if it lifted the other one !
🙉 yes they are bad, but the bottle of Merlot didn't help 🙄x
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Just plain 'Stoooopid' Jokes and 'Things'