I went for a job at the fish counter in the local supermarket. The boss said I could have the job if I could name three fishes beginning with “K.” I said: “Killer Shark,” “King Haddock” and “Kilmarnock.” He said: “Kilmarnock?” “Yes, I said it’s a plaice, in Scotland.”
Patient: “Doctor, Doctor, I keep comparing things with other things for the purpose of clarification.” Doctor: “Ah, I think you may have analogy”.
I’ve brought a new boomerang. The only problem now, I don’t know how to throw the old one away.
My mate is in trouble. His local pub announced a £100 prize for the best Halloween outfit in an early October 31 party. His wife only went and won it. She wasn’t too happy though. She’d only gone to pick him up.
I’ve had it with Amazon - Every time I order some chicken pellets I get an email few days later asking for their feed back.
Just been offered eight legs of venison for £70. Is that two deer?
Where do you take someone who has been injured in a peek-a-boo accident? To the ICU.
I do regret rubbing baked beans in my eyes, but that’s Heinz sight.
I wanted to set up the hide and seek world championships, but good players are hard to find!
Now we are into October, I’ve put up a marquee in my garden with flashing lights and funky music. Is this the winter of my disco tent?
At this rate, on October 31 forget trick or treat - kids will be ringing the doorbell saying: “Track and Trace.”
I won 2nd prize in a competition, they gave me a map of the night sky.
It was a constellation prize
Never let anyone tell you what you can or cannot do.
Just look at Beethoven, everyone told him that he would never be a musician just because he was deaf.
But did he listen?
I finally did it!
Bought a new pair of shoes with memory
No more forgetting why I walked into the kitchen. !!