I write on here for support but today I feel very low .
Our religion teaches us community and solidarity but I have been rejected by so many .
An Islamic Priest I had known has also ignored my calls as he is only interested in wealthy and successful people .
I wonder if anyone willing to rely
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Hi there sorry to hear you feel lonely & isolated do you know why you are feeling like this?
Hello
I hope you are ok
I expect it is because all the Muslim community are together and I have been let down by an Islamic Priest who is only interested to help you if you are wealthy .
I have had some terrible nightmares which has left me agitated.
I have a resit to sit for in September and my only relative my Mother lives overseas .
How are you
Do you have any friends you can contact Roukaya? Also have you spoken to anyone medical about your nightmares? Maybe there is a reason why you are having terrible nightmares. You can always post on here for a bit of virtual support, The Muslim community are all together where they can be but sadly not many of them because of the lockdown rules in UK so Eid is not what it usually is for many Muslims. Don't let the Islamic Priest get you down. If you don't have enough money for him & all he is interested in is money, then do not allow him the space in your head to think about him. You have done nothing wrong, believe in yourself and try and pamper yourself, have a soak in the bath, paint your toenails & fingernails, read a book, watch a tv programme or film you like, anything to distract you from thoughts of the Islamic Priest and feeling down. We all do feel a bit down sometimes & this lockdown is particularly hard if you live alone & your family are elsewhere.
Hello
I hope you are well.
It may seem odd to you but I do not have any friends
I moved to be near my Father and cared for him until he died
I do not interact with anyone and since he died I would visit my Mother frequently and as a result of this I would miss the pass mark concerning the Diploma in Wills and Probate
I realise the nightmares are all reflections of my fears but in our religion Allah is the greatest protector
How are you
Are you of the Islamic faith
Also being my own person at the age of fifty going on fifty one
Being sensible and careful and independent
I hope you are keeping well
Thanks for your reply
Hi Roukaya thanks for your message, sorry I have been too unwell to reply until today. I hope today is a bit brighter for you. It doesn't seem odd to me that you have no friends at the age of 50, I had a similar life path to yourself so I am all to familiar to looking after a parent & not have any friends because I lost so many that I thought were real friends when things like this happened in my own life. I am now 60, celebrated a birthday a few weeks ago and I have more friends than I ever thought I had. It wasn't until my 60th Birthday that I realized how many friends I had because I received so many cards & gifts, phone calls and texts from people I didn't think were more than acquaintances. I suffered for years with depression and anxiety so I don't like to hear of anyone feeling down and lonely, because I have been there myself. I am not Muslim, but I have many friends of Muslim faith so I do understand some of the Muslim religion. I was raised a Roman Catholic in a family of Irish immigrants to London although I have drifted away from my faith for various reasons. Please do not feel lonely, reach out on here, virtual friends may be all you have at the moment but do not give up hope that you will find friends at some point when things settle a bit in your life. I have been sick for a very long time & since lock down have been self isolating for 26 weeks so far with another 4 weeks minimum because of my health. Thankfully I haven't been so lonely but because I am still having some counselling online & am managing to see my family on video calls. Maybe you should think about counselling? You can get free counselling from the NHS for around 6 weeks, but I do know that because of Covid there is a delay & you will be on a waiting list for longer than you should be. I myself took many courses over the years to try and understand why I was becoming depressed and anxious which I found really helped me. There is an online NHS run Cognitive Behavioral Therapy which you may find helpful, which is totally free. There is also mindful sessions, which is another type of therapy you may also find helpful and you can get 10 sessions of Headspace relaxation for free. You can private message me anytime you like and I will reply. It's good to have a friend you feel you can talk to when you need to. It may not be the answer to your problems but it can help to share how you feel to someone. I'm also a very private person. Very few people in my life know that I am having counselling, they don't need to know so I don't tell them, but I have found that it has helped me to deal with issues myself and build up my self esteem. In the past I did trust too many people I thought were friends in my life & found out that they weren't real because they were talking about me behind my back or because they weren't there when I really needed them. Please be careful who you do trust, some people just want to find out the gossip and spread it with lies about you. Big virtual hugs to you xxx
Good morning
I hope you are well
Thank you for your message .
It is very interesting and uplifting and written with kindness .
I am studying for a Diploma in Wills and Probate and I have an elderly Mother who lives overseas.
Since I lost my Father I am trying to pass the Diploma and find a years work experience.
But I am preparing for a resit at the morning.
I am planning to do something for my birthday but the few relatives I have in UK are competitive, selfish and can say cruel and hurtful words so I keep away .
I have a Mother who lives by herself overseas and at time’s she is supportive and at time’s behaves as a child .
I will try to integrate the day with going to the Gym .
I have tried CBT and it is helpful with the thought process .
I think as I am turning 51 very much a person with low self confidence and self belief , the power to change our lives comes from our lives
Even though I am a Muslim I treat and respect everyone with the same respect and understanding.
I have had to stand up to my Mother and say I hope to go away for a few day’s of my Birthday because the unkind Aunts have warned my Mother that I should be careful.
Thank you for your reply and how do you spend your time in Lock Down
Good morning Roukaya,
I'm sorry you are feeling low again today.
We are happy to help, but really the turnaround in mood will come from within you, when you are ready. Most of us experience highs and lows in our daily lives, but yours have a tendency to become and feel, more extreme. I expect you'll have noticed that they don't last forever. Eventually, after hours, or days, your mood will rise again. You can help it along if you want to, by changing your own thoughts, or you can just wait for this to pass in its own time.
I think that festivals and holidays are times when we can allow ourselves to feel quite sorry for ourselves, if we are going to be alone. Maybe it would help a little to know that there are always others in the same position that you are. The world is sadly full of people who feel rejected and who sometimes don't know how, or can't, reach out.
Are you giving all that you can to your faith in terms of belonging and joining in? It could be that it is not the wealthy that your priest is interested in, but those who are the most engaged in the community of faith. I don't know this gentleman of course, and you do, but we can tend to misinterpret the intentions of others by forming our own judgments.
Anyway, I hope that this low mood passes quite quickly for you and you become more positive again. Take care. 🙏
Thank you for your reply
I had previously asked the Islamic Priest for help but he refuses to help
He actually visited my home with my Mother and asked how much savings I have as I was in charge of managing my Father’s Properties
Also because I own a flat in a Housing Association block he gave the impression my home was beneath him
The Muslim community where I live are not interested because I am over fifty and unmarried
I am a stigma to them
I gave resits to prepare for and I was hoping to go away for my birthday in UK somewhere but I will see if I am able to do so
You are very right
I do have highs and lows
Thanks for listening
Hi Roukaya!
Sorry you're feeling down. You say you are thinking of going away for your birthday? I think that's a fantastic idea! Decide where you want to go and book it! Then spend the next couple of weeks full pelt at your studies with a lovely reward at the end of it! You wont have time to worry or be sad, and if you do just think about your weekend away 
xx
Give it a go, it may just work!
All the best, my fellow raging Leo!! xx
Hello
I hope you are well.
I hope to go to London for a few day’s and then a few day’s in Wales
My two Aunties who hardly bother about me said I should not go
I told my Mother I will not listen to Aunties who hardly care for me
I think sadly I seem to suffer from highs and lows
I hope you are ok
Thanks for reply
That sounds lovely Roukaya! Don't listen to Aunties, they are just trying to stop you having any fun! You go for it! But stay safe at the same time 
Have a lovely day xx
Thank you
Hope you have a good day
Your flowers look lovely by the way! xx
Many years ago when I was 30 myself and some friends had planned to go away at Christmas that year and I had said to my parents that we were going away for Christmas and they had tried to put me off saying it would be expensive and I had said well its not your money being spent is it and had put the phone down on them and walked away!
We did go away that Christmas and had ended up staying near York and we had gone to the castle museum there which we had enjoyed more than going to the crowded shops on the Christmas Eve!
Christmas day I had received a nasty phone call off them and had thought I'm not having this and had put the phone down on them yet again as I wasn't putting up with that nonsense and everyone else had cheered after I had done that saying that it was just spiteful doing that just to spoil my Christmas away just because I wouldn't do what they wanted which is pathetic really!
Boxing day we had all enjoyed and a visit to Harrogate to Harlow Carr which we had all enjoyed.
Some people are just spiteful for fun and ruin things for others out of pure spitefulness!
Good on you xx
Since may last year after there had been a row when I had been ordered to stay at my previous job that I left last year I have been on the receiving end of silent treatments just because I wouldn't do what they wanted to punish me and I was upset at first but I am fine now and feel its an accidental favour to me as I'm enjoying the peace and quiet and don't have to listen to that silly nonsense!
The other week I was in the park with my friend and she had asked me was I still getting punished with the silent treatment and I said yes I was but its not my problem that some people are selfish and how its a childish thing to do and self defeating as it won't change anything!
I think its about respecting other peoples wishes myself and their right to make their own choices about their life!
When I got to choices after school, I wanted to do Sociology at uni. My father's reaction was apoplectic: "I am not paying for you to do a dosser's subject like that" and I was "told" I would be doing a Business Studies and Tourism course. Well I had a brilliant two year party in Bournemouth at his expense! I am for people, not money and he couldn't, and still can't understand that! I have to say though, as we both get older, I do take the p*** out of him quite a lot! He will say something like "it came from Harrods" to which I will retort "so, you paid too much, and it isn't even very nice"!!
So, you enjoy your peace from them, sounds like you're better off!! xx
With all due respect to your aunties its not up to them to be making that decision!
Hello
I hope you are keeping well
This is exactly what I have explained to my Mother .
These Aunts hardly ever call me and at their age they are competitive, selfish and laugh at others I hope you are well
How are your interviews going ?
I'm fine thanks and its interviews next week which I am preparing for as what I can control is how much I prepare for interviews and giving them my best shot as things like the economy and covid 19 are things beyond my control that I can't change same as the behaviour of other people but I can do something about my own behaviour though.
Those aunts sound really spiteful and nasty doing things like that.
I hope you can prepare as best you can
I am a great believer in the sense you will have what is meant for you .
I have always been very much alone , may be being a only child .
I bought this housing Association flat from my inheritance and paid of the mortgage on a rental property and if my Aunts see where I live they will humiliate me .
I am hoping one day to sell the rental flat and buy a home with a garden but as I say everything in its own time
I hope you succeed and find what is right for you
Hello
I hope you recover from you flare up
I was better yesterday and I did a flower arrangement
I will put it up shortly
I expect it is the loneliness .
Do you take pain killers for your flare up and if you rest does the pain lesson
I expect I am also going through my studies and going through the points I have previously missed .
My birthday is 15 th August and I think I am learning at this age to be my own person
I hope with rest your condition and improves
I'm so sorry you feel marginalised by your own community, and that your priest has ignored you.
It is something I do not understand about Islam, that you still have these divisions, in a Religion which teaches forebearance, community and peace to all.
I know there are many subdivisions in Islam, Just as there are subdivisions in all the great religions of the world, but surely they could find it in their hearts to support a lonely person?
Cheers, Midori
I hope you are well
I am beginning to realise it is not the religion as we are taught to help each other but it is the mentality of Asians .
It takes a strong person to be their own person, a real maverick to break the mould .
I have had some nightmares and this has caused my mood to dip . But I will study later on
How is your home progressing?
Thanks for listening
No problem, Roukaya, any time I can help, I will.
What part of Wales are you thinking of visiting?
Cheers, Midori
Hello
I hope you are better .
I am thinking of going to visit Llandudno
Hi
I'm so sorry you are feeling low . Please do not listen to these Auntys, it's nothing to do with them. You go and have that break away, it will do you the world of good and you might make some friends there as well. Thinking of you as always Lots of love Lynne xxxx ❤️💜
Hi Roukaya, your flower arrangement looks very pretty. Sorry to hear your mood is low today. I think the behaviour of your priest is a reflection of him being shallow, so you should not let this ignorance reflect on you as an individual. His actions are very wrong and not becoming of the position he holds. Priests should be there for all community members regardless of bank balance or standing in the community. I think it is a great you are thinking of going away. Go for it. Llandudno is beautiful. Hope the studies are going well. Don’t let people’s opinions get you down. You are worth more than that. Rise above them and carry on with your life. You are doing a good job. 🌺🌸😀
Its Victorian isn't it Llandudno and I went there a few years ago and enjoyed it and there's rhyl as well which used to be great when it had the sun centre and funfair and now its turned into a dump!
The sandy beach at rhyl is nice though to relax on.
Yes, it's a Victorian Seaside town. It has come lovely scenic places to visit round and about. There is a very high cable car that goes over to the Great Orme. There are mines you can visit. It is just a very pleasant place. I like it there. I learned to ski there on the dry slop years ago then went to Austria skiing, it was great. I have lovely memories of llandudno. 😊🌸🌼
Good evening
Thank you for your kind words
I hope you are well
I seem to have ups and downs and a difficult relationship with my Mother at time’s
I realise Islamic Priest instead of being an inspiration to enable me to move forward is someone who is selfish and egotistical.
This is not Islam in my point of view
I have written a new timetable and I continue to study and to understand the mechanics of Administrating an Estate .
I came very close so it is really up to me to gain a depth of understanding as well as a comprehensive outlook .
I think also as I am revising it is my lack of confidence which ultimately led me to miss the pass marks
I will continue to persevere.
I hope your day went well
Any faith leader of any religion are in that position to guide, support and give religious guidance to all of their member's, if they are not doing that, they simply are not doing their job and are not being true to what faith teaches. I am glad your studying is going well. I have been their with odds against me, revising before exams with passion in my heart, determination to succeed, my head hurting with studying. You will persevere and succeed when things are important to you. My day went fairly well thank you. I am willing you to pass and wishing you all the best of luck within me. 😊👍🌸
Good evening
I hope you are feeling better .
I am hoping to go away for a few day’s for my Birthday.
I explained to my Mother it is really my decision where I go for my Birthday as long as Zi am careful .
I think this is the basis of living with this virus I the sense we have to be very careful whilst still trying to go out and about .
Thanks for telling me about Wales
I will let you know if I am going nearer the time .
Hi Roukaya. Have you contacted your GP recently about your periods of feeling low. You really need to get some expert help. Of course, you can carry on posting on this site but you need more. I hope you find some comfort and peace. I love your beautiful roses too. x
Good morning
I hope you are well
Thank you for your reply
The Gp would prescribe CBT for me which I have participated in before .
The core issue is for me to obtain this Diploma, find a years experience and learn not to be overwhelmed by my Mother who can behave as a child .
I hope you are well
Thank you x
Try and get out into the great outdoors for about an hour a day, preferably into a park or somewhere you can enjoy all the flowers that are in full flow. Get a waterproof jacket and out you go. Try and find a few paths or routes that are reasonably busy and stride out and enjoy the wind in your hair and the sun on your face.
Even if the clouds threaten get out and go, Ignore the nay sayers, they do not own your life. I am 75 and I don't look back as I am too busy looking forward to what I can do before it is my turn to shuffle off this mortal coil. Get up and while you still can.
Yup. You don't know what you've got till it's gone.
Good evening
I hope you are keeping well
Thank you for thoughtful reply
I would like to explain that I started attending the local gym and I have started swimming as from today .
I have realised that you are right in the sense we have to make the best of our situation .
I have a tendency to look back in regret or before I have been overwhelmed by my Mothers worries
To such an extent I did not fully concentrate in taking full responsibility for my own life .
I thank for your kind advice
Wity regard to regrets the thing is you can only do your best with the knowledge and experience that you had at the time you made those decisions and as long as you know you did the best you could there's nothing more you could have done!
I ignore the naysayers as well and I go out walking rain or shine and did nearly every day during lockdown as well!
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