I would like to explain I hit an all time low the last few days but I cannot explain why?
I understand that essentially I should try not to let external triggers incapacitate to build a life
There is mental illness in the family and thus is not an excuse but it is for me to have the realisation of taking responsibility for my own wellbeing and being able to manage my own life without taking on my Mothers
Learning to guide and support Mum but not to let it overwhelm me
Thanks to all those who listened
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Roukaya
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Morning Roukaya, this is a very sensible outlook. You love your mum and you know the calls will continue, so to guide and support is much better than becoming overwhelmed so moving yourself out of that position is definitely going to be a positive one. Your mum has her own life and you have yours, so start to live your life without being overshadowed by the stress your mum brings you. Keep it a step outside your world. Wishing you a very pleasant day. 😊🌼🌻
I think when you said cry a river because I was profoundly triggered by the fact I have allowed the dominant personality of my Mother take over my life since I lost my Father in 2018
This will explain I was spending a great deal of time supporting her not realising this impacted on the requisite knowledge and application required to pass the Diploma
I see my Mother as a vulnerable little lady but age can be quite fierce also very sweet at time’s
The man she met put a real division between us and now he is no longer part of her life he still manages a block of flats of which one mum owns
He is not accepting her cheques and making her life difficult in this regard
I have told her to take legal advice
As for me I used to volunteer for Age U.K. as a voluntary advisor and it would seem the building may not open until next year
I rang my supervisor and he will see if I can work from home
I really liked helping the elderly and vulnerable make sense of their lives hence why I would like to do Wills and Probate
I am studying a little every day and I intend to do one past paper every week
I will also start to apply for a years work experience
That is great news Roukaya, even though factors at times might make our focus wander, if we have a plan in place and are determined, we will always find a way back to that focus and the things that are important to us. Keep going with the weekly past exam papers, this will prepare you greatly. Work hard and don't stop until you have sat your exams, then you know you have done all you can, to your very best. I am cheering you all the way. 👍🌼🌻
Good morning, we’ve all been there Roukaya. I was a doormat once 😀 I decided one day enough was enough and I stopped running around after everyone and trying to solve their problems. I started to say No. very quickly things improved and it’s never happened again. I think it was my lesson in life to learn to look after me. I was looking after everyone and no one was looking after me.
Don’t take on other peoples problems. Rather than relating to it as You being a door mat or not, a good way to look at this is to think of it as your mother is in a hole. You don’t want to jump in the hole with her as this is no help to anyone. Stay on the outside.
I agree with Agoodenough’s advice here and can relate. Empaths by nature are people pleasers and sympathisers and we feel good in helping others- sometimes it’s harder to say no to a parent or sibling that has a domineering personality. I hope you are also seeking counselling to help you perhaps CBT to help look how how you feel and think and to slowly change your mindset. Take care of yourself Roukaya. You are first and remember no one will look after you so you need to put you and your needs first and look after yourself. I live at home with my mother who is overbearing and attention seeking and I’m slowly learning to break away from the mental hold she has on me by focusing on my needs and what brings me happiness. Culture also has a lot to do with it and I totally empathise. Parents feel they have a right to control their adult children’s lives and demand their time and efforts regardless of how old you are. I completely understand. I and other cousins of similar ages are all in the same situation with our families- so you’re not alone in that aspect. Stay strong and focus on your diploma and your wishes. ❤️😘🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🌈☘️❤️😘
I’m glad you’re coming to that realisation and now putting your foot down in regards to how your mother treats you. You’ve done the best by both your parents and it’s times you did you.
I have further complained after they asked me for photographs as “ proof” I’ve told them I’ll send a screen shot from my phone text messages and if that’s not sufficient I’m going straight to trading standards to escalate my complaint. I’ve dealt with companies like this before so I’ve no qualms about complaining but I just feel like there’s no humanity in these kind of companies at all.
Yes I’m going to see my friend later this afternoon, thank you for your kindness ❤️
A lesson that I learned from that toxic job I left last year is that when you say no to someone it shows their true colours as when I was there i had turned down a meeting request given to me at an hours notice which wasn't really on and I was shouted at in front of colleagues as well all because of that!
I turned down the request due to their attitude as if they had been polite I could have fitted them in and all that was over the shouting in the middle of the office like they had done to other colleagues was just a temper tantrum because they couldn't have their way as that meeting could have easily been rearranged as in all fairness that's not urgent and an emergency!
I have been told no to things and have accepted it with grace saying to one of my friends who had said they were sorry but they couldn't make something I had asked them to as they were going out with someone else that day how that was no bother at all and that you can't make things every time you are asked and had got on with the rest of the day and had rearranged with them for another day no problem!
Its stupid and childish I think to have the idea the world revolves around you and your plans as no it doesn't as it doesn't revolve around any of us!
Yes I'm still glad I'm not there anymore and lots more have left as well since I did although I did go through a period of grief over what I had lost but now time has passed I have accepted it and now feel I was accidentally done a favour!
Something will turn up when its the right time and I will go to a place that's right for me.
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Tuesday, A Failure