I had yesterday one of those days which caused my worries to accelerate .
I live on my own and dreading the isolation of an enforced Lock Down and having to accept this .
Being told my tenant my only source of income is unwell due to Covid
My Mother is either to busy to talk or will call when she becomes emotionally demanding
Being reminded that someone half my age succeeded in the job I am aiming to do
This left me really broken hearted yesterday .
But I am aware I suffer from a mild depression and even though this firm have rejected me , the onus is on me to find a firm which is prepared to give me a years work experience even now this is on hold given the second Lockdown
It has taken the first Lockdown for me to see how offensive my Mothers side of her family have been to me with cruel and offensive insults because I am not attractive enough .
Fortunately I am learning to walk away from such insults damaging as they have been
It is really up to us to find the strength to turn our lives around .
I regret so much being 51 instead of younger
I even donated two water pumps to the Islamic Priest and he took the money and I feel let down by him as he has failed to show whether he has arranged for the two water pumps
Again I learn to realise that it is for us to find our own way in life , the Islamic Priest has made it very clear that he is not of help despite taking the money for the two pumps
I did what I thought was best and trusted him only to be let down
A lesson learnt
Written by
Roukaya
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21 Replies
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Hi Roukaya,
Sometimes it's our own thoughts which send us into a downward spiral and I think that might be what's happening with you at the moment.
The impending lockdown is looming over all of us, and even the most stalwart of us is suffering inwardly. It's not easy. W'd made small steps back towards a more usual life, only to have been put back to where we were before.
Try not to make comparisons with others. I've just had this talk with my own daughter who is roughly your age. She's ready to leave one career and change direction, and also gets despondent about rejections, but you have to sell yourself and not compare or envy others who have already reached their job goal. That just makes you an even less attractive proposition to a potential new employer, as it becomes apparent at interviews when you are bitter or feel like a failure.
It's really good news that you have learned you don't have to engage with negative people, even those who are related to you. If they don't encourage and help you, even though you are family, then they have no love for you and it's best to learn to behave neutrally around them.
With regard to giving, Roukaya, anyone can disappoint us. So give only because you want to give, not to gain favour or reward, and don't count the cost. If your intention is pure, I'm sure that God will know what was in your heart when you gave. You don't have to worry about what happens with the priest. His justice will come from elsewhere.
Finally why not celebrate being 51! More wise, more mature, more knowledgeable of the world than a 21 year old, why would you not celebrate this? 😊🙏🌈
I think both me and Marnie are incredibly grateful for this on line support group .
It is a lifeline for us who are alone .
I thank you for your great understanding and I agree it is very wrong for us to compare ourselves to others .
We all are born with unique destinies and life lessons to us .
I expect the Asian culture expects us to be successful and married by a certain age and if someone falls short of this they are rejected and stigmatised
But through the first Lockdown I can see very clearly how my Mothers family have been damaging and cruel and as such I will walk away from them
Slowly but surely I will find the strength within and through my prayers to keep on studying and continue to apply for a years work experience
I have gained experience in managing my Fathers Property Portfolio and as such I paid for the home I live in as well paying the mortgage on the flat in London
So my income can be under threat with the illness of the tenant but I have always set aside a contingency in the event of a rainy day .
So I can manage worst case scenarios
My Father had over stretched himself and despite a successful business it almost came crashing down due to his own inability to manage his affairs
Lessons learnt and taken in
I agree that I have the means to manage and I ship us give gratitude for this
If I am stressed now imagine if I had a mortgage to pay on both where I live and the rental of the flat
I think comparison to others stems from insecurity and lack of faith in ones own abilities
Often I am very much my own person hence why I would like to set up my own little office in the long term .
But this stems from self belief
I agree that I should appreciate the maturity and life experience gained over the years and half belief that the right job will appear in its own time
As for the Islamic Priest, this is incorrect behaviour on his part but your reasoning stems straight from our own Islamic Principles
God sees everything and if this Priest has not undertaken the task entrusted God him will hold him accountable
Thank you again for listening
I wish your daughter well in her chosen path and hopefully her hopes and aspirations will materialist
Things will come right Roukaya in time, it's sad that you feel stigmatised and rejected by others because you're not married, I know a couple of Asian women who have never been married they have successfully changed their careers and ones become a teacher, the other a special needs teaching assistant were both older than you, so you see there is light at the end of the tunnel and I'm sure that you'll se it when the time is right😊you've come so far on your journey never give up! xx
What I say to kids is how if everyone was the same the world would be a very boring place and how you are what the good lord made you and how as long as you know you are doing your very best then that's all that matters!
I am sure you feel very let down by someone of authority you put your trust in and they haven't delivered. That is not your fault and many people have other motives of getting your money. People like this are clever and you wont be the only one deceived. Don't be disheartened Roukaya, even by the difficulties in finding your works experience. Everything is difficult during a pandemic. You have determination and something will turn up. You have the strength to keep going, believe that.😊👍
One thing with job interviews that I feel helps is to think how more are disappointed than not and how I hadn't been picked out to be disappointed and like my sister in law had said to me I wasn't the only one that day when I had the upset that had been disappointed.
I remember at my previous job when a secondment came up for grabs and a colleague had cried after she had been told she hadn't got it in front of everyone and there were more colleagues disappointed than not who had gone for the secondment.
It does hurt though when you really wanted that job in particular and then someone else gets it.
I expect it is the Lock Down as from tommorow and the loneliness .
I realise Liverpool was also under a very strict Lock Down so you are aware of its restrictions second time around
I did have peace with the tenant once she moved in and I will call the agent on Friday to see how she is
She has signed for a two and a half year fixed tenancy and I did register for rent guarantee insurance with the tenancy
It is a worry for me and my Mother says there is always something to worry me
Again I try to help Mum as much as I can
I expect the Islamic Priest is someone who has changed from when we first met him
He was much more helpful in the past compared to now
Many people seek his guidance but I realise I have to be very careful with him
I hope in the next the few days I will know more about the tenants situation
Thank you for listening and I hope you are keeping well
I remember how I felt back in September when local lockdowns here in Wales were first announced and it had felt to me like a right smack in the face as I had just started going out again like I did pre lockdown and then having the door slammed in my face with that really stung!
Good to hear from you R, you have come so far in your ability to see the wider picture of your day’s!!! Take stock of your progress and keep your spiritual guidance flourishing.
I’m gonna say a prayer for you to be uplifted by your friends on this forum who are with you and for you 😊💕
So very much happens during our life journey, and we have to pick ourselves up and “start all over again “ Send us one of jokes when you can 😊💕🌻⭐️✌🏼
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Please say a little prayer for my 8 year old Granddaughter. She has Coviid 19.
For Hiba, our little Angel! 
i'm not angry just a little unsettled.