I have come to a point that I can no longer cope with my elderly and demanding Mother putting all her worries on to me whilst she gives support to her cousin who has been abusive to me
She can give all her support and understanding to others but I have to deal with her unhappiness
I struggle to pass the Diploma and find a years work experience and unless I make a stand I will keep failing and remain unemployed
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My heart goes out to you. You are a wonderful, caring, kind lady. As you know you can pm me anytime, if I don't reply straight away, please do not worry as I will definitely reply to you. Lots of love Lynne xxxx ❤️🤗🌈💜
I will be making a stand against my Mother as from tomorrow
I realise she lost her head over her male friend and she lashed out at me
Again her cousin said as I am fifty I will be studying until I die
I travel a hundred journeys
I cannot accept why I should support a Mother who clearly does not care what I think
I am being disregarded
After three years of looking for employment and trying to pass the Diploma I am unable to cope with her behaviour
I am pleased you are going to make a stand. I will be thinking of you. Take care and stay safe. All my love Lynne xxxx ❤️🤗🌈💜
Thank you for your time and willingness to listen
I wonder would you make a stand if you were in my situation
Hello Roukaya. Sadly Family always give 1 family member all the grief and hassle. Instead of treating everyone the same. You deserve better and you have to do what is right for your wellbeing. Then the others can deal with her unhappiness. Your Mother needs to sort her own unhappiness out for herself. No one can do it for her. Take Care. Brian
Thank you
Very difficult to deal with an elderly mother overseas and I am the only child
Sadly as the song went You always hurt the 1 you love. But thats no consolation to you. You need to have a calm conversation with her. And say i cannot carry on with your unpleasantness towards me. So unless it stops i will have no Alternative but to move out. Thats if thats possible of course. Sadly this lockdown has caused a lot more problems because people are stuck together 24/7. I really hope you find peace for yourself Brian
What is your priority, Roukaya? Is it your studies or your mother's problems? Have you got a phone with "caller display" (or dare I say it, a call blocker? Your cousin said it, and this should be your motivation to get on and put all your attention on getting through your exams. Do you feel you need permission to that? Sorry if I sound harsh, but it's time, I feel to put yourself first. If you don't, who will?
Hello
I tried that this morning and I answered her calls eventually
She got hysterical
Again you are very right thank you for being kind enough to answer
How are you
Did you get your shopping delivery
Hi Roukaya,
Your mother is persistent, isn't she? It seems that she is "hooked" on feeling sorry for herself and the ensuing anger. What help do you need with your studies? Is there anything I can do? I can "pin you down" if you like so that you have something to tell your mother about having a deadline or something.
Yes, my shopping arrived from Sainsbury's and on Wednesday I'm getting it from Tesco; it's good to swap them around but Sainsbury's is better in most ways. Also on Wednesday the first person from outside is to enter the house - a chimney sweep who has been isolating with his family during Lockdown. I hope I will be able to see my friend soon, but we won't have anywhere to go, so I think it will be a while yet, especially as she is still recovering from an operation and is not very well. Hoping the operation will have changed all that. It is very worrying. Thank goodness for the internet!
xx Maggie
I hope you are well
Thank you for your kind words of support
I used to be a religious person and I am also neglecting my prayers
I will need to study and start the job search
I no longer buy food on line like before as I had over bought for one person and there is a huge Aldi and Turkish Supertore
How are you coping in Lock Down
I think lockdown has made demanding people more demanding. I read every day about elderly parents constantly calling 999, and/or the GP surgery multiple times, mostly it’s attention seeking. Where there were the beginnings of dementia or maybe mental health problems , lockdown has exacerbated anxieties, difficulties in keeping up with the changes ( hysteria in the media doesn’t help) Someone I know said it’s given drama queens a licence to rule!
Limit contact with your mother, limit the time you speak with her. If you cannot physically change one of her problems, there’s little point in listening to it. Be kind but firm. End conversations with” I’m keeping you from your ...knitting/tv/ book, bye for now” Or “ I’m going to have supper / lunch/ call my friend, speak again soon”
I think she may be jealous of your studies, perhaps she didn’t have the opportunity? She may not have wanted to study before she married, maybe it was impossible to later on in her life. There’s no need to talk about your studies—- that is yours, and your achievement, so don’t give her the opportunity to put it down.
Good luck.
My Mother is a self made entrepreneur
She is not jealous but I have noticed that she uses her temper and uses me to talk about her problems
I realise I struggle to cope with my own life never mind hers
I think as I the rental income I once had has stopped since the last tenant , I realise I am not doing enough to help myself
I have failed the first module of the Diploma three times and twice due to her temper
I realise it is me who should act in my best interest
How are you
How are you managing in Lock Down
Hi hun, does your mum know what she is doing? Have you told her how you feel? It's no use muttering under your breath or holding all your resentment in. Next time that your mum starts moaning or loading you down with all your troubles please, just say "I am sorry mum but I cannot deal with your demands/complaints right now. If you don't ease off I will have to leave". Don't just threaten it, do it. The world is a horrid, scary place right now and you don't need the added stress. You could also sit her down and ask her what exactly is the problem. Tell her that if you can help you will, but if not she has to drop it. Your not her whipping boy so if you're had enough just walk away and let her stew by herself. Sorry you are having such a rough time. Your studies are the most important thing so find a place of peace to do them in. Take care my lovely xx
Thank you fir your sound advice
I realise out of loneliness I would speak
But I now realise I have failed the Diploma three times and three years have gone and I have made no progress
I realise only I can take responsibility and control over my life
I think I now realise that her temper is used as a tool of punishment
I will try to draw boundaries and stick to them
Roukaya...You need to ask yourself if you would allow this behavior towards you from anyone else. Your mother has a mental illness and you have become her enabler. There is nothing you can do to change her. You can only change yourself. This is your choice. Do you want to live like this forever? Only you have the answer. If you are not strong enough to do this own your own, then you need to get professional mental health help, to accept what you cannot change and move on.
Good Afternoon
I hope you are well
I think I realise that I have failed my exams over three years and this has saddened me
So yesterday I said to Mum you put all your worries onto me she said Don’t you ever talk like this to me
This is why I realise I need to find and create a life independently
I hope you are well
How are you managing in Lockdown
I think you might need some help with handling your demanding and seemingly self centred mother. It might be too much for you to deal with the situation on your own Roukaya.
I understand that cultural expectations of children and parents relations might play a big role in our situations as adults. It is scary and painful process to go through, but I think well worth it as you will finally be master of your own life. Cognitive therapy might put some perspective and understanding why do you seem to sabotage your future by allowing your mother and cousin to clip your wings.
I wish you all the best on your journey Roukaya
🤗
Dana
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An update, TheDrivenSnow