I can't stop crying over my mum's death 4 weeks ago. Can't sort out her flat. She only lived opposite me. Can't have a wake or see my children. Can't go out as copd and asthma. Having vivid awake dreams and hearing her calling me. Feel like I'm sinking in a black hole.
Deep depression : I can't stop crying... - Positive Wellbein...
Positive Wellbeing During Self-Isolation
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Deep depression
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vixs19
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Hi vixs19 ,
I’m so sorry to hear about your mom. It’s hard when we loose a loved one. If you want to talk about anything, please let us know and we will listen anytime when you’re ready.
Thank you iv been trying to crochet toys for my grandchildren, to try and block my thoughts but night times are so bad for me. I try and keep happy for my children but they can see I'm not. My youngest son just passed his commando training in the army and is on leave but can't come in the house because of covid. I'm so frustrated and worried. I also watched my mum take her last breath again and again which took a while. I felt so helpless which is what I feel now. Thank you vixs
I understand. How long has your son been doing his commando training for the Army?
Crafting is a great way to keep your mind busy. What did you crochet?
2 years now he's 21 my baby I guess, I'm so proud of him and his achievements as with all my kids of course lol all are good kind and thoughtful.
Iv made dolls heads to fit on my granddaughters baby grows that they had when they were born. Just got the hair to put on them. I also make dream catchers and table covers. Can do most things. Thank you I'm feeling a bit better now.
That’s fantastic! I’m glad you’re feeling a little better. Keep up the crafting and keep in touch anytime.😀👍
So sorry to hear about your mum. My mum is in a residential home and I am desperate to see her. I am hoping my faith in God will allow us to be together soon. I am crocheting blankets for the neonatal unit of the local hospital who made an appeal just before the lockdown. I am also crocheting for one of mums carers who is expecting her first baby in November. If you go on YouTube you will learn lots of new stitches. I have been crocheting for 45 years and am still learning new things from the wonderful internet.
Have you been in touch with your doctor about your depression? It sounds like you could do with something to help you through this period. We are always here to talk to during your sad times. Take care.
Jill
😘
My heart goes out to you ♥️
You and your Mum are in my prayers. I hope you are ok right now. Im so very sorry for your pain and loss 🙏♥️
Thank you so much.
I don't at the moment my daughter is always chatting to me but I try not to be upset when she is messaging me. Has she was there when her nan passed away.
Dear vixs19,
Normally I'd say 'You Poor Thing'.... But that could, be taken, as Patronising- which is the last 'thing' you need! So I, may I offer you, my Deepest Sympathy on your loss, and Pray that the Grace of God be with you. I don't know if you have a 'Faith' vixs19 and, I'm NOT trying to 'force' one on you now, I find it a Comfort- at times like these. A 'faith', in humanity, a certainty that we Will 'Pull Through' this. Is that, a faith, you can relate to?
I know these ARE difficult times, I haven't seen my Mother since Mothering Sunday and, even then, we couldn't touch or go 'out' for dinner - let alone kiss! Normally we are together Weekends, Saturday shopping and Sunday Church, followed by a meal out.
My best advice is this, and it's not much really, Remember the Good Times- sounds a bit clichéd I know- above all, remember her Love, for you .... and all the stupid/ silly 'things' that happened.
I recall, about twelve years ago (I lived with my Mother, for a while, after I got out of Hospital) when we were having a 'hottie'- something from the freezer. Mum was putting, previously frozen, packets of 'chilli-con-carne' into the large saucepan. All was going well until..... a voice rang out 'Oh NO, one of those was a curry!'. The resultant Chilli/ Curry mixture was AWFUL.... but we laughed, our way, through it nevertheless. I know that this will always be in my heart.
This WILL end vixs19 and, in all probability, almost as fast as it began. Maybe not a full 'lifting', of restrictions, but enough to let you, begin at least, to sort Mum's 'Things'.
I know that ALL our heartfelt wishes, are with you, say strong.
AndrewT
Thank you so very much I feel a little better now.
Hi vixs I understand your pain I also lost my mother several years ago at the start I found it hard to think I won't see her again if you are struggling long term ask for some counselling it might help to try remembering the good times you had your ms good points and also if you are thinking of your mum she is in your heart and always will be God bless you david
Grief is exhausting, it uses up a lot of your energy reserves. It takes its time too but it’s a process you have to go to. You are processing new emotions the whole time. Someone told me it’s like the book Going on a Bear Hunt. You can’t go over it, under it or around it, you have to go through it. At the time I hated that, I didn’t want to hear it, but I realised it was true.
It might help you to speak to a grief counsellor , although it would have to be on the phone. Remember The Samaritans are always there to listen. I found it helped to talk with other people who had also lost a loved one.
If your mother died suddenly, unexpectedly, there is also the added shock. Don’t underestimate the effects of shock, treat yourself gently.
You won’t always feel this bad, I promise you. What you are feeling at the moment is very raw, harsh and exhausting and the social isolation is adding to that. Talk as much as you can to your family and friends and in time you will be able to hold the wake, service , celebration of your mum’s life , whichever you want and how you want it. That will also help you to process your grief.
I’m sorry I can’t help you, I do understand how awful this feels and what you are going through. In time you will feel peace in your heart again.
Losing a parent is one of the harshest peons we will all have to go through
Losing in Lock Down made even harder
In time to come but by bit you will have the strength to go through your Mothers possessions and this will be a very tough task
I lost my Father two years ago and even now I wish I could sit and talk to him at the Nursing Home
But think of all the good and positive things you did with your Mother
I am sure your Mother will watch over you and keep you safe
Pray to God to give you much comfort and love and be rest assured your Mother Cares for you deeply
SO Sorry for your loss 🙏. I understand losing a parent, I lost my dad about 35 years ago and I still cry when I see things involving fathers and daughters. It took me 17 years before I could visit his grave. Of course the way everyone grieves is different, for me once I’ve visited his grave it got better. So take your time and don’t let anybody else tell you the way you should grieve Take care 🙏
My Condolences to you and your family
I’m so sorry to hear your sad news. My thoughts are with you and your family at this difficult time.
Xx
Oh bless you. I lost my Mum 19 years ago, it is hard, all I can say is it doesn’t get better BUT it does get easier , I remember laying in bed at night wishing and hoping to see her at the end of my bed so I could talk to her again. So pleased you opened up on this site, there are so many people ......friends.... on here that you can talk to, always there to help.🙏🏻My prayers are with you, good luck with your craftwork and yes I know what you mean when you call your son your baby😂my son is 43 and he is still my baby. I buy him an advent calendar every Christmas as I do my 46 year old daughter, they always laugh but yes they are my babies. Keep safe, let’s hope this lockdown will soon be over, lots of love Ursula x
I am so sorry you are having difficulty dealing with your Mothers death and the added stress of cleaning out her flat. But, why are you doing this alone? Do you not have siblings or a friend who can help you?
Your depression is understandable, to a point. Are you seeing anyone for help with your depression? You sound so sad but your feelings will get more stable as time goes by.
Hi, a lot of us have been where you are now , please take comfort in the fact we know how you feel and our thoughts are with you. Look after your health , work out what helps you to relax( meditation, music, a walk in the garden or just sit in the sun) being healthy and as calm as you can will help, it takes time to come to term with loosing your Mother . No one can tell you how to grieve you must be allowed to grieve in the way you feel most comfortable. I feel for you and my thoughts are with you.
I really do feel for you vixs19. In these circumstances. Its that you can t put closure on anything at all. And sadly some things you never will be able to. Lots of people will find it extremely difficult to cope after this is all over. Hope you can get some help from Bereavement Counselling. Lots of people also with other ailments find the night time is the worst time to cope with there thoughts and feelings. There are people here to chat with if it helps you to cope. Please take care of you too. Brian
So very sorry for what has happened and your sadness. I lost my mum 6m ago and also watched her multiple last breaths, and also felt helpless & empty.
Everyone is an individual and different, so pls ignore if these don’t fit, but here is what (very slowly) helped me.
- seeing as a ‘positive’ that I had the chance to be with her, I’d have hated to be unable to show her I love her and say goodbye
- being pleased (sort of) that my mum had had someone with her when she passed, that she wasn’t alone
- viewing the pain as a sign of how much love there was between us, and how much better this was than to have never had such love
- noticing that my mum is always with me, because she brought me up & everything I am /do contains a piece of her and her teachings
- and she is with me more specifically as well, I hear her words in my head, and I always know what she would think I should do about something (!)
- holding grief in, to protect others, is not only impossible to do completely (people will feel it anyway), it is counter productive. They (eg your kids) may not have the same depth of grief as you do, but they will be sad I’m sure. They will not feel any worse if you talk about it or they see your pain, we always worry talking about things makes people upset, but it doesn’t, it just brings upset to the surface, which is needed for healing.
-talking about grief can make families feel more connected, rather than isolated in their sadness.
- your kids may also see from you, what grief is like, your journey may help them cope & have hope in future
- remembering my mum realistically, all the good and not so good that she was, not idealising, but remembering who she really was, helped me have balance
- I remember that my mum would have wanted me to move on, when the time became right, and make the most of my life, whilst remembering her with love.
The shock, trauma and grief will pass, and the love will remain. Wishing you peace and love and for your mum to rest in your heart.
I am so sorry you are going through this (I choked up reading your post). This is the time for you to grieve, and the situation we are in makes it so full on. But remember, that this too will pass. We can't undo anything but the feelings that we have will eventually move over to allow some happier ones in. I hope it is not too long before normalcy returns.
My heart goes out to you, i understand how you are feeling.
It will get easier. Stay strong as you can, stay safe. It’s ok to cry, it’s good.
Good morning Vixs19
I am very sorry that your Mother has passed away it's always difficult to come to terms with losing a loved one. But I am sure that your Mother is looking down on you and will be watching over you I also know that your Mother wouldn't want you to be upset about her passing away she would like you to remember the good times that you all have had together with your family. In regards to sorting her belongings out I would leave that until you are able to go and deal with them also I would take a member of your family with you when you are able to go and sort out your Mother's belongings to give you support and comfort when do it. I also send my condolences and sympathies to you and all your family and close friends for your loss. The advice given you on this website is good and people do care about what you have to go through most likely they have been through what you are going through now. The pain of losing a loved one will erase over time but you will never forget the good times that you all had with your Mother. As for you hearing your mother calling you that's natural for people to hear when they are grieving no one really knows why this happens but people have said that there loved ones are telling them not to worry about them that they are at peace now with no pain and are with the Lord Jesus and all the saints and Angel's . I am truly sorry for your loss try to stay strong throughout this grieving process for your family as they will also be able to comfort you and you them as well. There's no stronger bond between families members at this time which is strong LOVE from each other.
Please If you want support to get through this process and I am sure that all people who are on this website will be able and happy to give you support and help. You can also contact a website that gives help to people who have lost a loved one. The best advice centre is Citizens advice centre who will be able to put you.in touch with a local group to help you with this
Good luck and best wishes to all your family and yourself take good care of yourselves and stay safe always. Peter
bobbybobbAmbassador
I am very sorry for what you must be going through right now at this awful time when so many restrictions are in place and we cannot go about doing things normally they way we would want to. To loose your mum during these times is a terrible thing and my heart goes out to the frustration you must be feeling along with the terrible grief. We will all be thinking of you at this time. Words can not express how you must feel right now but know we are here to offer our support. 🌷
Hi vixs19 , I am so sorry you are going through your loss in this COVID season.
I’m sorry this reply is a bit long-winded, but I thought it might be helpful to share what has helped.
Firstly, this might seem like a cliché, but it's true: it is absolutely normal to feel those awful overwhelming feelings, and it is good to cry when you want to, it's part of the healing process.
One of the most healing things in grief is just to talk about the loved one you have lost, cry together and laugh together.
So, do talk to your children about your Mum, as they too will feel better when you've had a good old cry together on the phone.
You'll start off crying, then remember the ridiculous things together and laugh your heads off, then cry... and so on, that is what grief does! So it would be a release for them, too.
You will still feel it but these little periods of release do help ease the pressure.
Two years on from my sister's death I and my other sister still have a little whinge about her or reminisce about the wonderful (and funny, ridiculous and downright annoying) things about her. We will always appreciate her and love her but it's getting less raw.
The best gift a friend gave me was to ring me up just to talk about my sister so that I could cry and let it out. I will never forget it and we are better friends because we have shared the ’hard’ feelings as well as the ‘easy’ ones. I hope to be that good a friend when needed.
Since there is no way you can sort out your Mum's flat right now, don’t let it worry you. When the lockdown is over, consider asking for help to do it. Nobody is super-adequate, we all need help and it is a privilege to help.
Grief is exhausting isn’t it! Right now you will just want to sleep when you can, and that is helpful.
But, to help with the painful night-times: get up and do something enjoyable in the living room when you can’t sleep. TV, a hot drink, a cosy novel, some of your craft... only go back to bed when you're too sleepy to stay awake. If you get up the same time every day, even if you feel you haven’t slept, you will find your body won’t let you stay awake thinking the painful thoughts at night. They will be more bearable in the day.
Be as kind to yourself as you would be to someone else, and let your children be kind to you, it will bless them and help them grow.
My dear vixs19,
Of course you can't stop crying. It's not so much depression as deep grief that you are feeling, and it's raw and new. You are supposed to be crying. You've lost the dearest person to you and not only that but in circumstances where you can't grieve properly.
When you have those rare moments when the grief lifts a little, be kind to yourself. Sleep lots and just try to keep going, one hour at a time, if that's all you can manage.
One day when this crisis is over, you will be able to plan a lovely celebration of your mum's life.
Remember your mum would be distraught to see you in such pain, normal though this is.
I feel deeply for you and don't have enough words to comfort you, but my thoughts are with you at this really terrible time.
Perhaps if it is not too painful and you feel up to it. Try telling us a little bit about your mum. She must have been a very good mum and you must have some wonderful memories to share with us. xx
I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my Mom suddenly year's ago. Not a day goes by that I don't miss her. I read a book called "How to Go On Living When Someone You Love Dies". It helped me understand the different process of grieving. My sincerest sympathy. Love being sent to you.
I feel your pain,I loved my mum in law, she was an extraordinary lady but we lost her Cancer & managed to have cremated the day Pre-lockdown. We were lucky enough to be able to say goodbye as a family.
My father in law however suffers from PNH & my sis in law has terminal cancer. We are stuck too, dad doesn’t understand the need for the isolation, sis really needs help, but we are forced to stay clear.
Will our remorse or grief be the same when we get back our freedom?.
Take care & Stay Safe
Hi
Very sorry to hear about the sad loss of your mum, especially during this very surreal time.
I lost my mum at Christmas and like you couldn't stop crying and experienced vivid dreams. Acted in front of my grown up children and grandchildren as I felt I should be supporting them, what you describe is very natural behaviour and is part of the bereavement process.
It must be very difficult not being able to physically see your family but FaceTime them often and speak to your friends utilise all the support networks you have.
I was lucky that I have a wonderful GP who arranged time once a week at the end of his working day to provide a telephone consultation/chat, this was very supportive. I don't know if your GP would offer help this way?
Don't worry about sorting your mums flat at the moment take it one step at a time. Put your needs first, finding ways to keep busy like your craft activities are a positive step.
Although attendees at funerals are limited in our area, other family and friends could log on to a link providing a 'live stream' so although they weren't physically there, they could be part of the service and the video can then be saved. Actually in some respects it's a real plus as you don't remember the service at the time due to your loss and pain, watching it again can be a comfort and uplifting.
There is an app called 'house party' similar to FaceTime however you can see several people on screen at the same time so this can be used or something similar for the wake. A way to toast mum, share happy memories, and stay safe
Covid-19 is causing so many issues and unprecedented problems for people, especially you and your family.
I hope you gain some comfort knowing you are not alone, my thoughts are with you, sending you virtual cuddles, stay strong and focus on the future and the grandchildren that you have 😘 🤗 🤗
So sorry, vixs19. Here in the States, I am thinking of you, reaching out, praying that you feel the support. You will get through this. Can you talk to a health care provider? 💕.
focused1Reading Rabbits
When anyone close to you passes away it is very normal to feel like this . Planning the funeral , chatting face to face - you haven't got any of this and this really helps you heal - but when this virus is over why not plan a meal out with all those who you were going to invite as a celebration of your Mums life ? The only thing that has changed is the date . The memories are the same . Bring a photo album with you as this reminds people and invites lovely conversations . Ask close friends to write poems / maybe your children could give personal speech.
Have this as something to look forward to - maybe plan it whilst you chat to your family and let them have some input into it .
Your mum was a very very special person in so many lives .
Hi vixs.this is such a difficult time we live in .My mum died 20 years ago and I remember crying for her continuously ,till a one point my husband said ‘you really need to stop now’.She was my best friend too.The pain will ease in time .Say a little prayer it may give you strength to come through this sad and difficult time.sending you a big hug 🤗🤗🤗❤️❤️
Your daughter will be grieving too. Maybe you need to grieve together over the phone or FaceTime. It will help you both to grieve together
So very sorry to read what you are going through. My heart goes out to you, be strong and all my love to you.
So sorry you've lost your mom, its so sad and such a difficult time when you cant share with more people directly. I would say don't rush the grieving process which includes not rushing to sort your moms flat out. When my mom died my sisters kept going to my parent's house and clearing stuff out, but they didn't know when I visited I used to open her clothes drawer and I could still smell her and found it very comforting, then one day the drawers were all empty, I was devastated and not ready. It took us 2 years to finalize everything and that is not unusual. Please take your time sending lots of love xxx
I am so sorry for your huge and overwhelming loss at this most difficult of times. Nothing can prepare us for such a momentous event... It is said that we only truly become adults when we experience the loss of a parent..
I can only send you a warm, close embrace filled with love and compassion. Do not stifle your tears, they are testimony to your love for your dear mother... Let them fall like the rain... One day at a time, one step at a time...
Do not clutter your mind with anything that is not immediately important... Time can stand still if you need it to.
As little consolation as anything will be right now, know that there are many here who know your pain and who are reaching out to you at this time of your great loss.
With Love
Muchly
Helen x
I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your mum. My thoughts are with you and your family. We are always hear to listen. Sending lots of love and {hugs} 🙏🏻 xx
Spring will come and then summer... and you will eventually get better! ❤️
vixs19 . . . . so sorry to hear about the loss of your dear mum. my heart goes out to you and your family. Grief is so hard under normal conditions let alone under lockdown. Thinking of you ⏱❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
You've been offered a lot of helpful advice here - take whatever of it speaks strongly to you now. Some of the rest of it will seem right as things move on - and they will.
Perhaps one of the most helpful things to remember is that at least your mum didn't have to go through all of this lockdown and no visitors and no physical contact.
Maybe that's not a lot but it certainly is true and it comforts me when I remember my mum.
I truly believe that those who have passed to heaven can and do look down on their loved ones that are still on earth. Your mum watches over you always. Reach out to her by talking just you did before her passing. Do this every day and tell her what you did that day, etc. You will soon be amazed when you realize that you still a connection. She is anxious to comfort you.
Hi you poor thing can't imagine what you are going through there is a nhs number you can call they might be able to help If your Mum's flat is opposite and you are on your own can't you go in? Wishing you well and hope we get out of this sooner than later xxx Big Hug
You will sink into a black hole if you ALLOW YOURSELF THAT FREEDOM. You will always feel sad about your mom ... but you have nothing better to do than to clean her abode. Pretend that your mom is watching you organizing her belongings and how she would have wanted them disposed of. Consider it as a project. Move on ... life doesn’t suddenly stop when someone close passes away. Be happy and force yourself to get things done.
Very sorry for your loss. All I can say is I lost my mom in 2001 and my dad 4 months later. I'm happy to know there in a better place. I had my mom and dad for 52 years. I lost my daughter in 2018, I had her for 48 years and miss her extremely now. One day we will all get together again.
God bless
So sorry to hear about your Mom!!
I am so sorry for your loss. Nothing can prepare us for the loss of a loving parent, especially during this most challenging Corona virus pandemic. The necessary precautions/social distancing has compounded your grief process. During this unprecedented time in history we can't have the traditional ways of closure with our loved ones that we normally would have. I truly believe that if you remember the amazing memories and, funny things your mom did , this can ease your pain. I also believe your mom who is your guardian angel, would not want to see you or any of her loved ones sad or depressed. Talk about, and celebrate your mom's life. I know there are countless wonderful memories you can draw upon. If you need to, you can also look into some online therapy that can help you through this grief period. God bless you, and your mom's loved ones. I send virtual hugs, and air kisses from at least 6 feet away, and in this case miles away. XoXoXoXoXoXo
It must be very, very hard at this time to experience a death of someone you love.
Several years ago my elder brother died not long after my mother and it was so hard to process my feelings. I phoned CRUSE who offer bereavement counselling and I can say that was one of the best phone calls I made. They are trained to listen and have just the right amount of understanding and empathy for what you are going through.
It can be difficult to talk to family as they had a different realtionship with the person you knew. Doing things to distract you is good, but I found I also needed to talk it through with someone who was just there for me. They calls are free and I was given the same person to talk to over several weeks. Do think about giving it a go.
CraftypersonReading Rabbits
Oh dear it's bad enough at best of times but at the moment it's compounded by lockdown. You need time to process all this and that's what you need time. But in the meantime please do talk to someone even if only on here. Even in these worst of times Samaritans will still be there and maybe when this is all over you could go for counseling. And talk about it with your daughter she might be feeling exactly same as in can't talk to mum about it too upsetting and you can comfort each other. Sending a virtual healing hug xx🤗
Thinking of you, take your time and process how you are feeling. Staying busy always help and talk to your friends they are there for you too. As we are. It so hard I know just know things will get better but, you won't never forget her, she lives in your heart. Praying for you and your family.
My dear vixs19
You are not depressed you are grieving. This is a terrible, gut wrenching emotion. I think the loss of one's mother brings a deep pain that seems at times intolerable, and it also seems unending. Please know that what you are experiencing is completely normal and shared by so many of us. But it does subside and ease. Though it can suddenly wash over you in a totally unexpected way even years later.
Give your grief space and recognize it as a normal, healthy response, but sometimes try to focus on something else. There are times when we can feel guilty at pushing the grief away. It is most important thing that it doesn't completely prevent you from doing other things...not that we are so overwhelmed by things that are demanding our attention at the moment!
Give it time...perhaps keep a daily journal...and you will notice, over many months, that the episodes of intense grief reduce...and the intensity decreases. You are on a journey...you will begin to feel more your normal self but the loss of a loved one makes us part of an enormous community for whom transient periods of grief remain part of the rest of our lives.
sending you many virtual hugs
S
I'm sorry to here about Yr loss. My dad passed away with psp 7 April I nursed my dad through this terrible desease were I was working in a care home were my dad was a resident, I miss him so much it hurts, but he couldn't go on a has it took him very quick I couldn't see him suffer anymore it was heart breaking sometimes I didn't know were I got my strength from, I feel for you I was so close to dad too.
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Heartbreaking News about our Shropshire Lass. 
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Another beautiful day