Depression or my relationship problems?

[harryanddex]

I feel so down atm like i dont know where to turn..i feel angry at my b.f mainly. i have trust issues from our past and they still affect me..i have a 5wk old and a ten yr old love them both so much..but atm i feel so lonely and am taking it out on my b f i feel i hate him..its making me feel like i want to run away..i dont enjoy life or myself anymore

[giorgia]

Hi there..

i sense that you may be going through a bit of both. You mentioned that you have trust issues from your past with your b.f and that is one thing that will never make a relationship blossom as it could or should. Once you have made the decision to stay with your b.f and start a family together you should also decide to leave the past in the past. Obviously you decided to forgive whatever it was that he did to you or you did to each other otherwise you would not still be together let a lone start a family together. Once you have decided to forgive, you have to make an effort to release the hold this betrayal has on you and not use it to justify your actions or feelings towards him. Move on from that and start giving your partner a chance in your relationship.. if you are unable to do that, then you should really consider if you want to be with him or not. I suggest you talk to him and make a firm decision, your frustration and anger will be witnessed by your child, and will cause your child to suffer. In the eyes of children, their parents can never do wrong and your reactions towards your partner can cause a lot of confusion and emotional suffering in your child.

Your feeling of loneliness could be that you feel that you are missing out on life because you are not happy with the decisions you have made. This can sometimes happen after having your child, which is what happened to me. I remember feeling that I had lost my independence and my life after my daughter was born. No one pays attention to you anymore and everyone is interested in the new arrival.... a lot of people don't realize that a new mother requires as much attention as a new born because of the work and emotional vulnerability that come with having a child. The only way I was able to overcome this was by giving myself the opportunity to start doing the things that I loved and please myself. I reconnect with family and friends which were all things that made me feel loved again. Sometimes a simple chat with another adult made all the difference. I suggest you join some new parent groups, I know there are some mummy groups that go to day cinema with their children and its amazing how relaxed everyone is. Search around your area for any programs like that. I made some very good friends going to a baby massage classes, you'll be surprised how many women can share your story and listen to you.

So don;t be so hard on yourself, there is help available and some of it comes in the simplest forms. Merry Christmas and a Happy new year!

[harryanddex in reply to giorgia]

Thanks for your reply..im going to dr today to see about some tablets..and I've also lked into a group up my way for anxiety and depression...i do get out and about i just feel abit vunerable and that we had been picking at each other which was making me feel like crap..he doesn't let it affect him same way..we just need a few days of niceness to try and get bk on track..u have nice day tomoro too..