I am 17 weeks into pregnancy and I don't feel that pregnancy joy at all. I can't be bothered to do anything. I have to force myself to go about each day and fake smile to avoid unnecessary questions that I don't want to answer. I have 7 year old too and suffered post depression without help or support and it seem I fully didn't get rid off it. Also not long ago got promoted and now I feel like I won't get any further than that, money worries too how I'm gonna be when I go on maternity leave. Also have driving test to pass. And feel like I'm on my own against it all. I want to enjoy this pregnancy but I feel it more like burden. We didn't plan it. I had biopsy done before so I had to take my protection out and while I was healing got pregnant by accident. Didn't wanted to go with termination as I have done it in the past and felt I did deserve cin3 for what I did.
I am so emotional that almost every time I try to speak with my partner or even think about it I burst in to tears.
Written by
Oneinmillion
To view profiles and participate in discussions please or .
I'm so sorry you're struggling. Did you feel this way when pregnant with your 7 yr old?
Ante natal depression is very common. You don't ha e to feel this way. There is help out there - talking therapy even medication (there are anti depressants which are deemed low risk in pregnancy) . You don't deserve to feel this way.
You have a lot to deal with atm - can you sit down with your partner and go over your worries - perhaps email him?
Please please talk to your dr or midwife. It can help hugely and keep talking to us x
Hi. Thanks. No I didn't feel the same with my now 7 year old. I was happy and looked forward of being mum. But I fell into post depression after birth and struggled trough on my own. I fear it never fully went away. And now me being sick and emotional and so much on the plate I feel like I'm drifting. I don't enjoy anything anymore. And my usual positive outlook in life is just gone. I am seeing midwife tomorrow and I will talk about it. Although it's gonna be really hard as I usually pretend I'm ok.
Hey I will. My partner said he's gonna come with me to see midwife. I enjoyed traveling even short distances now I feel tired all the time and even if we go somewhere I am bored and won't really enjoy much of what on offer. Sometimes I turn to video games it did boost my mood for a bit but I have another kid on the way and am feel I shouldn't be getting carried away. I loved reading books now I can't be bothered. I use to was really social loved to go out and have laugh now I don't so much. List is long. I hope midwife can suggest something
She noticed straight away that something's not right. Apparently I looked like I'm not well. Was referred to GP. Went to see GP and he asked me questions that was hard to answer so again just started to cry. He signed me off work for 2 weeks and referred me to see therapist first and then they will decide to put me on pills or not. I think the lack of communication might be the key. As I don't have that kind of support, I mean I have partner but he don't know my inner fears or thought not all I share just because I think he might misunderstand me and take it as offence or something so I leap a lot inside. So I'm hoping this therapist will help me get at least some kind of clearance and boost to actually be more open about stuff.
Well done on being open and honest about how you're feeling. Already you've identified one reason for the way you feel. Being open about how you are feeling and offloading can go a huge way to feeling better.
Perhaps your fear of your partners reaction is worse than the reality - perhaps you could start a conversation with ' I've been feeling low recently' and take it from there?
I am sure with time I will be able to. Today I had cervix scan and not good news. I have to be careful or I might risk of premature birth or miscarriage so been feeling very low today. These sort of events doesn't make it any easier. And my job is with heavy lifting etc. And when I told them they said if things won't improve and my next scan shows that I will need to possibly give up on work at all and that is major worrie.
Poor you - sounds stressful but in the plus side you know about it and can take steps to try to prevent premature birth.
Could you talk to your employer about finding alternative work / they have a duty of care to you . I'm sure there'll be a solution . Meanwhile take it easy - you're doing all the right things and that takes courage x
Legally I don't think they can do that. It would only be for few months and if they don't and God forbid something were to happen to you and or baby the repercussions for them as a company would be huge .
Hi. Still same. Drifting through days. One day is ok the next is awful. Manage to pass my driving test. Don't know how but I have. That gave me short boost and happiness next week I will see my therapist for the first time. I am nervous as to what it's gonna be like, never had therapist before. I have been out to see hr and manager at my workplace trying to sort out my work arrangements but not successfully so been signed off work for further 4 weeks.
How many weeks pregnant are you now? Overall do you feel any different to before?
Hugest congrats on passing driving test. Not easy at the best of times so such an achievement.
Good luck with the therapy. I found it quite tough which surprised me but hopefully it'll help you process everything and give you coping strategies. Has your dr discussed medication at all? It's an option .
Im now 19 weeks and if anything I sometimes feel worse not better. My partner came home early to my surprise but I can't talk about how I feel because it will scare him. So instead I went for a nap. I feel like my motivation of being alive sometimes is not there. I know I have to fight because of my daughter and unborn baby but sometimes it's just so hard. I eat ok just have no desire to face the world. My partner was asking me what should cheer me up and I can't answer that question. Each day I wake up with this empty feeling.
Have been told that there is medication but it's last resort as I am pregnant. I don't even know how bad or deep I am.
Perhaps give the talking therapy a go - if after some time it doesn't help maybe go for meds option. I think it's riskier in early pregnancy - saying that risk is still very low.
I will see about that. Today for example I was asked if I wanna go outside and I said no. Right now I just wanna disappear and not have this life. It's constant struggle. I have house to clean and I look at it and just can't be bothered. My 8 year old is at home. My partner isn't taking her out either and it makes me angry inside that I have to be the one making decision and that without me there he can't just take her to some park or something.
It's seems to me there are two issues albeit interlinked.
You do sound depressed - wanting to disappear, having no enthusiasm, life feeling like a constant struggle. I know I go through periods like this too when everything feels pointless and everyday tasks feel overwhelming.
When does the talking therapy start? X
At the same time especially when you feel like this you want someone to ease your burden and help. I take it your partner isn't doing this?
Does he know how you're feeling? Men are really from Mars and think completely differently. They're not as empathetic as us women and what might appear obvious like helping out a bit more or just seeing how crap you feel , is invisible to them.
Sit down and try and tell him what's going on . Also give him specific instruction on what to do so say 'take daughter to the park'. Someone suggested this to me and it worked much better.
Obviously I don't know anything about your partner or what he's like but perhaps give this a go?
I had my therapy session today. I don't know yet. It seems I did feel better a little after the talk. And looks like I have mild depression and that relieve I am not absolutely crazy. She did say if she feels I might do something she will report me witch made me vary and a bit careful of what I am saying.
My partner tries to understand and at some point I do really feel I am being too needy and I can see he is suffering inside because he wants to see me smile but he can't help. He took our little to the park and they played basketball and had lovely time. I cleaned house in meantime and actually I needed that time alone. I put music up really loud and was just getting busy let my frustrations out in good way. I did feel better.
I had scan today and found out I am having a boy. He's healthy and ok but placenta is still very low and I am gonna have another scan later on. Basically they scared me again saying if it won't improve I will have to go through c section. I was so hoping for all clear still am. My mood had improved and for the first time in this pregnancy I am looking forward to meet my baby boy. Even though I had some worrying news along the way. But today a saw him again on that screen and I didn't felt resentment, I felt happy. 😊
Hugest congrats - hey it's a boy! I have three and they're lovely ! So very pleased you've picked up too and looking forward to baby. I'm sure you'll be monitored closely and whatever happens you'll get the best possible.
Hey. Since I have been seeing therapist I’m doing better but I think also the fact I can feel movements inside me makes me feel better.
But GP in hospital says I need stitch. I am terrified of it. Yesterday was been starved all day just to decide it’s gonna happen today. I went home although they wanted to keep me in hospital. I was really upset. Today I am going back and can’t eat again but looks like they have plan in place. Placenta have moved up so I am happy that no c section. But yet I am still in danger to deliver early. I try not to worry. My first pregnancy was problem free and I can’t believe I have to see so much doctors and nurses this time and they poke me and examine me so often I can’t stand them and hospitals lol
Good luck for today! I'm not surprised you can't stand hospitals - it's annoying, upsetting, frightening all rolled into one. Is there anything in particular which frightens you about the stitch? If it reduces the risk of early delivery, which would cause unbelievable stress and potentially be life threatening to baby I guess it's an necessary evil. I really hope the procedure goes ok and isn't too tough on you. Maybe they'll give you a break from the appointments after that! X
The stitch it self scares me. The fact they gonna do something with my cervix again. Biopsy was bad enough. Ever since I discovered I had abnormal cells and allowed to be examined there what I think too many times now I constantly have some form of trouble. Latest is trush. Never had that before. My partner thinks it’s just too much examinations and maybe not sterile. I don’t know but I most certainly want a brake after all this.
How did it go? Have they said anything about the thrush. I had it quite badly in one pregnancy - maybe poking and prodding can trigger it. Get that live yogurt down you! X
Hey. Everything went well I was put to sleep and as I was working up I felt terrible pressure down there just like periods almost.
Now I am home after night in hospital. Have three types of medication to take, I am off work, and can’t do anything. But I washed dishes lol My partner was nervous wreck. Went for work and kept calling every 2 h to check on me.
I am not sure the trush is gone though because 2days before op I put that tablet in there. But after my op nurse said doc took something out before she could continue. So I am guessing that tablet didn’t dissolve. So might be I have to put it in again at some point
No it was really nerve wrecking. The waiting part probably was the worst part. They wanted to give me spinal to start with and till the very end try to persuade me to go with it as its apparently not so risky as GA but I didn’t want any injections in my back as last time epidural messed up my back for good. They said it couldn’t have been to start with and later admitted that probably Junoiur Doctor was who messed up. But GA went well and baby is ok. So my gut feeling was right. As for trush I hope it’s gone. Tablet it self looks odd too. Like the ones I usually take orally. Maybe that would explain why it didn’t dissovels completly
Yeah I read that skin can grow over the stitch and that makes it lit more painful and harder to remove. But one lady had stitch put in at 25 weeks and skin didn’t had chance to grow over so I am hoping it won’t as I am 24 weeks.
Hey. I am ok. It’s so hard not to do anything. Unbelievable. Sometimes have gas cramps in my stomach but other than that it’s ok. Almost done with tablets. Next two weeks have vaginal ones left.
Not really. Still can’t lift anything heavy. Means can’t do shopping on my own, or clean floors at home. Not to mention work. Doc said possible alter work arrangements, in my line of work not possible. Manual handling is everyday thing there. Can cook and wipe table top lol In two weeks time I’m gonna see my consultant at the hospital see what he says.
I know lol my partner wouldn’t survive without my food haha well he loves how I make dinner. And yeah I feel the same can’t do but want to because I have this time on my hands, yet if I was ok I wouldn’t have so much free time
Hey. Been coping ok so far. Sometimes it’s harder than normal day. Think all has healed nicely now. Haven’t had issues. On second week I had lumps and ich outside vagina and was bit panicky and just confused. Had been questioning how much of a interference that place actually got, felt like a lot but then on third week all just stopped one day, odd. So I got talking with my consultant and set date for stitch removal as that was set on wrong date too as I suspected. Fingers crossed it won’t hurt. Depression is still present but more manageable as my partner keeps close eye on me and tries to not let me slip back, he’s been very caring and keeps talking with me tries to suggest things I could do etc.
Umm hospital staff seems caring. My GP is quite good too. Midwife bit ignorant and last time when I told her I couldn’t do glucose test because at the same time was in hospital for stitch she called to make another appointment and through phone was basically was being sarcastic and rude about the fact. I told her after that doing that test was the last thing on my mind and she was like oh I wasn’t implying u were. I don’t like her. With first pregnancy I had better midwife but hospital staff was horrible, this time is other way round.
I hope she won’t be involved in my aftercare when my baby is born. I can cope now but not for long and if I recall she is only seeing me while I am pregnant witch is fine by me. And now it’s too late I think to request different one as at the begging it was ok now I can see she doesn’t have all 100 lol and I thought I have an issue lol with my depression and difficulty to cope with all that been happening lately. And I don’t want to be ashore back although I actually was tempted to just get up and walk away. Oh well must be my hormones.
Sounds like you're doing all the right things. Feel frightened of stitch removal is completely normal - I'd be apprehensive also. Would for instance talking to dr about it reassure you?
I have been talking with my consultant at hospital. Because I read all the scary stories of how skin can grow over and how that makes things more painful and longer to remove. I told her to check first before they try anything and let me know my options first and she said she wouldn’t do anything without me knowing about it. That made me bit calmer yet I still dread the day, I don’t have high pain tolerance and I can say I am very fussy when it comes to such invasive procedures. Even gynaecologist and their tools bothers me every time as its not comfortable and I feel violated every time they do swabs or checks.
It sounds like you have a good two relationship with consultant and they'll keep you informed all the way . I imagine you'll get effective pain relief - will the procedure be carried out under local or general anaesthetic ?
Spinal only or epidural as I read. I am trying to avoid it as last time epidural messed up my back, they were trying to say to me this time that it can’t be but I know it can u can even get paralysed if not don’t be correctly, eventually they did admit it is possible so it just proves that not all they say is true and I should follow my gut feeling, and I am listening now and it says no messing bout with my back
Hey first of all Hope u had great Christmas and New Year’s Eve. Mine was at home except for when I had to buy Christmas presents and festive food. Was cooking and then I felt like I need power nap my feet were killing me. Now I am fighting mild flu 🤒 glad that all this festive stuff is over. It’s hard when u got another kid and big kid and both are needy and I am trying to keep sane mind because of so much sitting at home. Walking is hard I am out of breath when I reach local Shop and have hot flushes. But babys fine and hes been very active to the point I feel like hes bit too keen on streching lol sometimes his kicks are brutal 😂
Happy New Year to you too! Wishing you a speedy recovery - flu is pants. It sounds as if you've been busy over Xmas. Time to put your feet up for sure!
I go stir crazy sitting at home - could you get someone to take you out for a coffee? Even an hr out with something else to stare at will do you good .
I'm guessing you've got 5 weeks to go - how time flies!
Hi. Thank you. Surely was busy. Undortunetly no I dont have person like that. I have one Friend who goes Through A lot of challenges her self at the moment and is at Home with 4 month old, but she lives miles away, and another who lives abroad.
I have 3 weeks till stich removal I Hope that baby decides to come out then too. I am really missing my old self and shape, nothing fits me just some clothes, and I Miss my work. Time flies I agree.
You sound quite isolated . I don't know if I've mentioned home start to you. It's an organisation that pairs you up with volunteer who visits you on weekly basis and helps you in just about any way you like.
Hey. I am ok. My stich came out today and it was very brutal. At least start of it. Doctor viped that place so harsh and wanted to clean inside and arround cervix I panicked as it was sudden and painful. But in the end all good, was High on Gas so just my nerves
Hey. I am still pregnant, was kind of hoping that I would be one of those women who have baby after stich real quick. Nope not me, now I am fighting yet another flu 🤒 but this time started like cough and sickness, now diarrhoea and blocked nose. This pregnancy definitely is challenging one. Oh well not long now.. how are u?
Poor you! Hope you're recovering! I've never known so many people struggling with cold viruses etc atm. When pregnant it's so much easier to catch these too. Look after yourself.
I'm perimenopausal-opposite end of the hormonal journey and struggling with that! X
Big hugs - those early days can be sooo exhausting. Baby's adapting , you're shattered plus hormones all over the place.
What do you feel currently are the things making you feel the worst? How are you feeding? Is the midwife still visiting - perhaps tell her how you're feeling so she can keep an eye on you . Keep talking! X
Sleeples days and nights, although it is getting better because my partner helps me by taking turn with baby. I am breastfeeding and that was challenge as well. last time I failed and gave up eventualy, this time start was similar with pain and soreness and breasts filling up with milk and being really sore and hard as rock but the fact I was so exausted made me stress about like smallest thing, but I think I have been Succsesful, still sore when he starts succing but not permenent pain. midwifes this time are absolute Gold compere to last time, when I didnt get much support. They have been coming since day one and cheking on me helping me to cope. I Find that I Can easly go into crying mode over smalest thing, again like u did Its hormones, not enough sleep, hardly any and for the first few days were not having much food or fluids but I am getting there now, one step at the time I guess. Plus I could really feel how much energy I spent delivering baby and how much my body actually spend resources, i dont remember feeling like this with my dauther but then I was on epidural and she was 3.75 kg when born. Appart from being tearful I think i do not feel deprest yet, but Maybe because I have this support that have massive impact on how I cope with New baby and aftermath of labour.
Would feel the way you do. You're doing all the right things - it doesn't mean you'll get pni. Just keep an eye on yourself . Great news on BF however just keep in mind there's the bottle if it gets tough. You've done a great job ! Hopefully things will get easier X
Hey. Getting there slowly. Did some School runs as A test. Breastfeeding is getting really easy now. No more pain. Little bo though not sleeping anywere else but on me or my partner, but we take turns to sleep. Hopefuly it will end soon, been trying to put him down on his own but about 20-30 min and he is up and not Happy. Takes then time to calm him down. No depresion so far just bit emotional more when I am tired. I am taking vitamins maybe that gives me A boost of happiness
You're doing brilliantly! Great that there's no more pain with BF. I think being tired and emotional is normal when you're sleep deprived. Hopefully you'll get into a routine soon with baby x
Hey. Still struggling Through each day. He has these cluster feed periods and it drives me crazy. My daughter was really easy to handle in comparison. I know I shoudnt compare but I expected similar and it not. I still learn New Stuff about him everyday. So hard, sometimes I wonder Why did I signed up for this, and then I cry and feel like bad person.
Hey don't be hard on yourself - you must be exhausted. Are you keeping in touch with health visitor? Can you try to sleep when he does? Perhaps give him the odd bottle - I know that can be discouraged by some hv but keeping yourself less tired should also be a priority .
You're doing an amazing job - don't forget that! X
Thank you. I am trying to get him to sleep on his own but so far only max I Can get is 30 min before he is wide awake I only get couple of h sleep when my partner takes over wich is at most 6h if I am lucky. Because he is so fussy I stoped giving my breast instead I give him expressed in bottle if I Can express because he dont sleep with out me 😓 I Hope once he 3 months old he will settle better.
Funnily enough I was talking to a mum yesterday about babies who don't settle well. None of my three were great sleepers and lack of sleep for us really is a form of torture.
Great you're expressing - that's fantastic. Hopefully when you hit that 3 month mark or thereabouts you'll get into a routine. X
Its A nightmare and the worst part is even though I am trying to help nothing works and that gets to me. Because I am failing him and Its hard to accept that thats part of the process.
The way your son sleeps has no bearing on your ability as a mum. You're doing an amazing job caring for him - BF in spite of probs last time , expressing.
Babies are individuals - some slot into routines easily, others are little sods and are so driven and determined to get what they want right from day 1! Other times there are underlying causes for their behaviour.
For instance my youngest was a awful sleeper - never in his cot and at night he used to cry a lot. I now think he had silent reflux which caused him pain . It might be worth just getting advice about sleep from hv .
I understand you as I have felt like you, that the way they behave is a personal failure but it's not at all. Congratulate yourself on the amazing job you're doing x
Hey. Thanks for encouradgement. I broke down in the end, my partner took me to GP for antidepresants and took time off work to help me get back my sanity. I tried really hard to coupe and was thinking I got this but constant cries and unsettleness of baby took toll on me. I just couldnt calm him down anymore and was blaming myself. I did got some baby gaviskon for him it seems help. Also I could shower and eat and have good sleep while my partner looked after our son. I ciould go for walk on my own to School and back, watching my partner it seems he is so at ease and calm and I wondered Why I couldnt and it makes me feel so guilty and angry at myself. But hopefully meds will help keep my emotions in check.
Actually it was my partner who got worried because I cried after he came home and after waking up and taking over, at first he lost it a bit because well I was snappy but then dropped work and came back home and took some time off work more to help me. With my daughter I didn’t seek help and my partner didn’t support me, he recognised that and now tries to help me. I am grateful to him for that because I was in bad place but meds really helps and some much needed sleep. I don’t feel so overwhelmed, it’s though still but I can smile now more often and actually enjoy our sons silly faces and fussiness. He defo is challenging baby no doubt but then my daughter was too , just got used to how easy is now with her.
It's great to see you're feeling better. Parenthood is tough - even now I can't stand not getting enough sleep though that's rarely due to kids waking me up.
Really pleased your partner has stepped up to the mark and giving you support . It makes a huge difference.
You're really doing a fantastic job. Keep talking x
Hey. I am doing better. Baby also doing what looks like better, we switched milk to lactose free. He had all the allergy signs. Poor man was suffering for a month. He looks more relaxed now. But we are giving a week to this to see improvement in poop etc. Hoping for that good night sleep now, he sleeps during the night by the way, even with he’s tummy problems.
Was too optimistic. We had to take him to GP today as he’s rash got worse and he again was suffering. We are now on prescription milk. GP thinks it’s protein allergy, I hope it’s not permanent. 🙁
So pleased to hear that your husband is so supportive. That can make a real difference and it can be hard for men to understand it and step up. Antidepressants should hopefully make a huge difference - I found they really gave me my life back! X
Make appt to Drs - maybe meds can be tweaked . Perhaps you could be referred for some talking therapy ? You need more support. You're doing an amazing job. This is an illness and finding stuff that lifts you will help you get through it. How's the day going so far?
Happy Easter oneinamillion - how are you? Really hope you're feeling better than before. Please don't give up - I know it's so hard when you feel overwhelmed and low - there is help out there and you will recover x
Hey sorry I wasn’t answering had full hands with baby. He is getting there slowly. Think we got the right milk but paediatrician was no help at all. My GP seems more knowledgeable. In terms of me I am still on meds and have to stay on them for at least six months. Baby sleeps during day now too so every chance I get I sleep with him, does makes huge difference in me being able to cope when he gets grumpy or his stomach hurts or he struggles to pass poo. I am counting weeks now and hope he’s gass problem soon will go
Great to hear from you and don't worry about not replying! Just letting you know I'm thinking of you!
It's sounds like you're doing well. It must be hard having to sort out baby's milk etc without proper support . I'm sure the older the babe gets the easier it will be! X
Thank you. Really helps to know someone cares. Even if it’s stranger who I never met. My partner helps too but with his work and all I really don’t want to bother him much I know it’s though on him too.
I really do hope his allergy is just a temporary thing till his stomach matures. I can see small improvements every week with him. Still grumpy and cries but not like in the begging and much easier to settle him than it was. I sure wasn’t expecting this though baby but oh well ... he still is lovely when happy, and smiles a lot and goes and makes excitement sounds. Very curious and likes baths a lot, also tummy time helps sometimes with burps, but acid still comes up and upsets him as he gags if it’s too much.
I'm sure you son will grow out of the tummy problems but I have no doubt it's hard for you whilst that's happening. You're doing a fantastic job so be proud of yourself. We forget to congratulate ourselves for these sort of things! X
Hi. Life goes up and down really. Don’t know how to get out of self pitty state of mind. Still on meds I think I would be worse without them. My partner wants me to go away somewhere on my own. Not sure if that’s gonna help. Trying to find new job. No luck yet, been turned down after interview a couple of times. Baby is doing ok now, teething now so crankier than usual but we are getting there. Love him to bits but can’t coupe with the fact I am jobless I feel I need to be providing for him and my girl. I know my partner works but I want my input too. But I still sending CVs almost every day in a hope someone will think I am good enough.
Finding a job is so tough especially if you’ve been out of the loop for a bit. Low confidence, tiredness don’t help how you feel. I’m sure something will come along and of course you want to feel independent. It’s really not a case of you being not good enough though it can feel that way. Could you get advice from job centre on cv s , interview technique?
Maybe try to focus on an interest you hav e and do something for yourself? X
Content on HealthUnlocked does not replace the relationship between you and doctors or other healthcare professionals nor the advice you receive from them.
Never delay seeking advice or dialling emergency services because of something that you have read on HealthUnlocked.
so been feeling very low today. These sort of events doesn't make it any easier. And my job is with heavy lifting etc. And when I told them they said if things won't improve and my next scan shows that I will need to possibly give up on work at all and that is major worrie. 
Brain fog, off balance, difficulty concentrating
Blurry Vision, Headache , and Foggy Brain 
Hi. Does this sound like postnatal depression/ anxiety? Dizziness, foggy head, blurred vision and headache?
