Musings on stress relievers – I know what might help to alleviate stress, but why don’t I do them?

[ubaoz]

Spoiler alert: This post is REALLY long!

Stress seems to be a biggie for most of us in this day and age. Part of the human condition in general it would appear (thanks cave dwelling ancestors!) and also more specifically when dealing with PMR/GCA. As PMRpro and others often mention, it is frequently the accumulation of “stress straws” on a poor old camel's back that is the trigger for PMR/GCA and an impediment to recovery/remission.

There is a lot of great information, both on this forum, as well as further afield as to how to deal with stress, as well as the whole medical/complementary medicine arsenal dedicated to it, but that’s not the thing I’ve been musing about.

What I’m most curious about is that we usually know, and/or have had advice as to what we can do to help alleviate our stress and how to cope better, but in my case (and I suspect I’m not alone) I often find I’m NOT doing those things. And usually it’s when I need them the most. Why?

The obvious answer is of course that I’m only human. Most definitely so!

However that explanation doesn’t necessarily always help that much – although a little self-compassion goes a long way…

I also wonder how we came to see coping with stress / being resilient as something admirable and desirable (which it is) but somehow to feel lesser or inadequate if we're not coping or managing so well? I have often felt that.

Here are the things I do (or try to do) and where I tend to fall down. Some of it due to circumstance, some of it due to pain, fatigue or depression and some probably just plain "can't be bothered", laziness or lack of perseverance. Not having the patience to wait to see slow progress is also a factor!  And my brain doesn't work as well when I'm stressed either, so my normal logic, pragmatism and common sense can be a bit thin on the ground when I most need them.

There are of course LOTS of other possibilities and I’d be most interested and grateful to hear of the experience and suggestions from others regarding both things to try, and more importantly, how to stick at them.

In no particular order, these are/have been what are in my stress-busting toolkit:

Remove the stressor/s. The most obvious, but usually the hardest to do as they often involve other people. Some things just can't be changed or at least I can't see how I could change them. Other situations sometimes require me to put myself first, which I know I should do (the babies and oxygen masks thing), but find this most difficult at times. It appears that the only solution is to try and change my attitude to things I can't change. Serenity prayer and all that. Not so easy though…

Physical relaxation techniques. My go-to is tai chi. I’ve been doing it for nearly 40 years and it’s stood me in good stead through a lot of heavy weather. I find if I’m a bit depressed or revved up it’s a great leveller. But that’s also when it’s easiest to say, “I’ll do it later”, "I feel a bit dizzy now" etc. and then either forget or plain just don’t do it. I also have a lot of old injuries and attendant osteoarthritis which don’t help.

Meditation/mindfulness. I’ve tried various techniques over the years but just don’t seem to “get it” somehow. I’m a very literal person and an instruction to “just sit” is too open ended for me. Just sit and what? So I don’t do this and feel a little disappointed in myself that I haven't persisted as it appears to be very helpful for a lot of people.

Walking, especially in nature, used to bring me great joy and peace. Very hard to do these days as it exhausts me and I'm wobbly on my feet, so am guilty of not doing this very much at all when I know I should, but it doesn’t make me feel good anymore somehow. Major lazy attack? I do sit outside when I can though, weather permitting.

Good nutrition – a biggie and one I do find helpful. Leveling out blood sugar with a keto diet has helped a lot with mood swings in particular. I also take supplements that supposedly help with stress management. At the moment, Vit D, Vit C and Mg. How much they help I’m not sure, but they’re easy to take each day. I also make sure I get plenty of protein and good fats in my diet and have surprised myself by sticking to the keto diet. As mentioned elsewhere, Dietdoctor.com is a fantastic resource.

Chocolate. Needs no explanation, but is one it's all too easy to rely on… 😂

Sleep – another big one. Understatement of the year – stress is much harder to cope with when overtired or “underslept”. So I try to get 8-10 hours and have daytime naps when I feel the need. But then I stay up really late most nights after OH goes to bed to get a couple of hours of solitude. And will postpone a nap if something interesting catches my attention. Definitely counterproductive…

Water. Good hydration for starters. I try to drink 1.5 litres or so a day, usually manage about a 1 litre. Mostly I tend to just forget, but also it makes me pee more, which can be very inconvenient sometimes. And of course soaking or relaxing in or around water is also wonderfully relaxing. No bath here, a muddy dam with leeches and we're nowhere near the ocean, so they're not options unfortunately. And I hate the chlorine at the local swimming pool. Whinge over…

Slow down. Also a tough one for me in particular, but if I can manage to do that then my stress levels drop with it. Particularly slowing down my breathing helps and even little things like eating, writing or typing more slowly can be good. But how often do I forget this and find myself racing to finish something, bolting down lunch etc, when there's really no need to rush whatsoever?Definitely puzzles me why I do it.

Motorcycles. I've ridden for over 40 years and it's been one of the greatest joys and stress relievers in my life. Sadly I had to sell my last bike a few years ago because I couldn’t even get on it anymore due to osteoarthritis and, I suspect, the beginnings of PMR. Broke my heart…

Doing nothing and use the “If I ignore it, it might go away” plan. Definitely not effective, but I’m somewhat appalled at how often this is my inadvertent fall back technique when I don’t know what else to do.

Moan, wail and whinge loudly. Also massively unhelpful, but they happen just the same… A good cry can be cathartic, but it greatly distresses my OH, who is around me pretty much 24/7, so then I end up more stressed because he's stressed.

Get angry. Whilst absolutely inappropriate if expressed the wrong way (and I most definitely do NOT do this), it can actually let off steam if I safely do something physical. When younger, my favourite was to go and chop wood. Not so recommended these days. Throwing eggs at a wall was another one. Also not recommended. A squash racket and pillow or rug beating is not too bad, but makes my shoulder hurt nowadays. I've been reduced to swatting flies…

Having a routine. If I can stick to my daily routine and there are no changes or surprises then I'm usually OK and things I need to do (mostly) get done and I can stay (mostly) calm. Upset the apple cart though and I'm all over the shop. This is partly an "on the spectrum thing", but also I suspect, true to some extent for most people. Familiarity and predictability are soothing. But I don’t always stick to my routine, usually because I get distracted by something else more interesting, slept in, OH has issues, or just plain old "life happens" stuff.

"Helpful" suggestions from others. These are the things I'm least likely to do unfortunately (even though the advice is often extremely well meant), partly because I'm a rebel, but often because there's not always any indication given as to HOW to actually do it! "Chin up and don’t give up", "You're strong, you can cope, you always have before," and "Chill out" are three of my pet peeves for that reason. One I do like though is "This too will end". I find that one comforting as it doesn’t tell me to do something I can't do, I just need to wait.

Distractions. Anything I can get totally engrossed in will often ease or take me away from feeling stressed. My favourites are a good escapist SF book, music (Bach in particular), drawing, jigsaw puzzles, gardening or dancing. Although the latter two are very limited (nonexistent) these days. Trouble is, when I'm really stressed I sometimes forget how helpful these can be. Or if I do do them then I can sometimes feel guilty I should be doing something else. A guilt "off switch" would be mighty handy.

Learn something new. Probably would be classed as a distraction and can be a mixed bag. Sometimes leads to being totally engrossed, other times is a stressor in itself when my pred brain can't get the hang of something or remember well. Conjugating Japanese verbs comes to mind…

Humour and a good laugh, including at myself. Probably my favourite, but also one I can forget to use when things are all too much. Really good at any time actually!  Although sometimes humour is not always appropriate and I frequently misread situations and try to joke or laugh, making things worse. Oops!

Mind games and self talk. Potentially the one to most easily get me into trouble in the first place, but also can be useful in reverse. Asking myself "Is what I'm doing/thinking helpful or not?" can be useful and provide a potential change of direction. However it can end up with thoughts spiralling around and around unproductively, so can make things worse sometimes.

Furry friends. A great comfort and stress reliever. I'm a "cat person" but unfortunately we can't have one here (rural Australia) due to too many snakes and other wildlife. And although there are cats that can completely live their lives indoors, it doesn’t sit right with me that they would never see sunshine or fresh outdoor air. So no feline therapy unfortunately.

Solitude. In my case this is absolutely essential, but hard to come by. Time to myself with no expectations or interruptions is my favourite way to unwind, preferably somewhere quiet in nature. And with some chocolate handy…

Helping someone else. This forum is a magnificent example of that. Trying to ease someone else's distress or help in some way, is a great way to not only put things in perspective, but it generates good feelings all round. I used to volunteer at the local Opportunity Shop (thrift shop, goodwill shop?) one day a week, but Covid put a stop to that and now with GCA as well as PMR, I just can’t manage the physical activity required anymore. Sad.

So that's my list of stress relievers and excuses for not doing them consistently.

I'd love to hear of others' experiences, musings and how you all find ways of dealing with life's inevitable challenges.

Thanks for reading if you got this far!

[Sophiestree]

great post. I try breathing techniques as I do think they can help but then forget to do them. Also mindfulness is tricky. I can't listen to the whiny voices and they are all too long. I have found a few that are one minute, two minutes and 8 minutes with voices that are normal. So doable.

Fancy a boxing punching bag too....

Shame about the cat, totally get that, although I am a dog person. My dog gets me up and makes me take her out which is a good thing....

I was a Childline counsellor and anger was a big problem for some of the young people who rang. Not knowing how to handle it. Going outside and screaming at the top of your voice, going for a run ( not something I could do), write everything down that you'rfeeling and punching a pillow in your room where no-one knew what you were doing were a couple of things I remember

[ubaoz in reply to Sophiestree]

Great suggestions Sophiestree! I totally agree about the voices in some of the guided relaxations and that they're often a bit long.

But I especially like the punching bag idea… 😈

[Sophiestree in reply to ubaoz]

I am tempted by the punching bag. Good to strengthen your arms but no good for PMR

I have the short mindfulness audios I can send you if you private message me your email address. They are Australian academics so not sugary like some.

When I started therapy after my husband died unexpectedly I specifically said that I DID NOT want tea and cakes..... I needed someone who would challenge me as I knew I would lose patience and respect.

[ubaoz in reply to Sophiestree]

I'm with you in not liking "sugar coating", be it in mindfulness audios, talk therapy or life in general! It's what I call the "diddy diddy woo" factor. I'm sorry to hear about your husband. Must have been tough.

Many thanks for the offer of some non-sugary audios. I'll PM you.

[PMRpro Ambassador in reply to ubaoz]

Another one here who can't cope with any of those factors. It riles me no end that the word "death" seems to to be avoided at all costs. Whatever word you want to substitute - my husband is dead.

[ubaoz in reply to PMRpro]

Totally agree! I fail to see how calling a spade a "bloody shovel" can be wrong. Euphemisms just confuse me, make me uncomfortable and cause me to not know how to talk to people when someone has died, for fear of saying the wrong thing and distressing them further. Grief is so universal, but so personal.

The irony of course is that death (and birth) are absolutely the only things we all have completely in common, but are some of the hardest things to talk about. In Western culture at least; I can't talk for others of course.

[ubaoz in reply to ubaoz]

Sorry, should perhaps explain that "spade is a bloody shovel" thing. It's a pretty Australian description of calling something what it actually is.

[PMRpro Ambassador in reply to ubaoz]

Used widely in the UK I assure you! Though sometimes more refined as in "calling a spade an agricultural implement" ...

While considering this

babbel.com/en/magazine/deat...

I still haven't an answer to the question that suddenly occurred to me: we have all these options once someone is dead - are there any to use while they are actually in the process of dying? Not that I want to - but even using the term "he is dying" didn't seem to sink in, or did the other person simply not want to hear it? However I tried to express it? And it even included the community nurses and hospital doctors - no-one seemed to want to stand at my side in accepting it. Except my daughters, a couple of thousand km away.

[Sophiestree in reply to PMRpro]

Exactly the same happened to me when my husband was in hospital. I kept asking the medics what they saw that I didn't, as I saw a man who was not coming out. They finally sat me down after a month and said that I was right all along and that they were turning off all support. duh... I knew that.

[PMRpro Ambassador in reply to Sophiestree]

He flicked that switch himself but only a week earlier I had been begging for support if anything happened over the weekend - and when it happened, as it was inevitably going to the next day at shortly before 12 when the only available house team finished work until Sunday morning, I was left with the ministrations of an incompetent doctor who has no business working as a GP, never mind the only one available on call, who informed me he couldn't come to visit a dying and distressed patient as HE was under stress, doing his job. Everyone I have spoken to since admits that fact - but it didn't help me a lot at the time. At the time there wasn't even a palliative care bed available so had I called the emergency services, that wouldn't have helped, he'd have ended up on a trolley in the ED which would have been awful ...

[Sophiestree in reply to PMRpro]

Wow, he was stressed himself.

I was offered a bed for palliative care but the day after they were all on strike(2016) and so by the time they got back there were no spaces available. So I had a side room with a make shift bed for me - my daughter and I took it in turns.

[DorsetLady PMRGCAuk volunteer in reply to PMRpro]

I think maybe the other person didn’t /doesn’t wants hear it .

As I’ve said before, my OH told all friends and family he had terminal cancer saying “if I tell them now, it will be easier for you when you have to tell them I’ve died as they won’t be surprised ” . Know where he was coming from and maybe there wasn’t that “look” when I told them.

As you know, I’m a spade is a spade person -and have it in writing!

[PMRpro Ambassador in reply to DorsetLady]

Maybe there is a difference when the person tells them rather than the spouse?

[DorsetLady PMRGCAuk volunteer in reply to PMRpro]

Maybe...

[ubaoz in reply to PMRpro]

No, I don't know the answer to this one either. Wish I did.

When my father was in his last days in hospital before he died just short of 90, he said, "I think we all have to accept that I'm dying." When I said "Yes, it looks like it, doesn't it," Dad just smiled (he knew me well!) and looked relieved, but the other people in the room at the time were absolutely horrified and rushed to say things like "Don't worry, you'll be better soon" etc. etc. You probably heard me grinding my teeth in the UK…

[Sophiestree in reply to ubaoz]

Definitely relate to this. Very early on my husband asked me the same thing when they were all thinking they knew what to do. I replied honestly and said that I didn't know. I certainly didn't say no you'll be fine as it wasn't true.

[ubaoz in reply to PMRpro]

That babbel website on death euphemisms is fascinating!

At the risk of using black humour, it does bring Monty Python's parrot sketch to mind though…

[DorsetLady PMRGCAuk volunteer in reply to ubaoz]

Oh we "do" black humour on here - especially those who have been in medical profession - I haven't, but I worked for Ministry of Defence for 30 years and late hubby was serviceman for long time... it's what gets you through the days sometimes.

[Sophiestree in reply to ubaoz]

Also in the UK "call a spade a spade"

[Sophiestree in reply to PMRpro]

You are speaking my language. It sends me nuts when I hear all those expressions that avoid the word dead

[PMRpro Ambassador in reply to Sophiestree]

We need a support group ...

[Sophiestree in reply to PMRpro]

haha

[ubaoz in reply to PMRpro]

Great idea! Can I suggest we call it the Shovel Club…

[Sophiestree in reply to ubaoz]

😂😂

[PMRpro Ambassador in reply to ubaoz]

Nah - the Bloody Shovel surely? Sounds like a pub ... 😂😂😂😂

[ubaoz in reply to PMRpro]

Bloody Shovel it is! As long as they have decent beer…

[PMRpro Ambassador in reply to ubaoz]

No - I demand at least half decent prosecco - safer than wine in the UK! Or gins and good tonic!

[Macas in reply to PMRpro]

I totally agree with you my husband is dead .He died almost 30 years ago. Why do people avoid using the word dead.

[PMRpro Ambassador in reply to Macas]

Exactly. Are they frightened they might catch something? And get all embarrassed that they mentioned a husband? They don't when it was a divorce ...

[SheffieldJane in reply to Sophiestree]

I was working with survivors of domestic violence when PMR hit. It was a factor. Anger = inflammation.

[Sophiestree in reply to SheffieldJane]

Wow, tough work. I found children hard enough. I still remember some like it was yesterday. They say you can't take it home with you, but some really really hit you right in the middle of your heart.

[PMRpro Ambassador]

Not got time for much just now but you don't have to WALK in nature to get the green benefit. I sit on a bench at the far end of my daily walk - it overlooks the river I have just walked along, and just listen to the river, the birds and look at the trees etc, Part of the reason I got my campervan is to be able to drive to other places I can do the same. It is of course relatively easy here, halfway up a mountain, but is possible most places unless you live in the middle of a city.

[ubaoz in reply to PMRpro]

Thanks for the reply when you're busy. Your seat on a bench overlooking the river sounds gorgeous! Hope you enjoy your campervan trips too.

[Sophiestree in reply to PMRpro]

Love the idea of that. Even though I am in Greater London, I have a forest on the other side of my house. I find that helps clear your mind when walking the dog.

[Gimme in reply to PMRpro]

Apparently, even if you cannot get out and about, just looking at nature in books and on TV or videos can have the same effect on calming the mind and lowering blood pressure. Which is good news for people who are housebound or live in cities. I find that spending time just looking at my garden is good, when I don't feel like going out.

[SheffieldJane]

A very relatable post ubaoz.

Bat away the negative thoughts as if they were aimed at your best friend. X

[ubaoz in reply to SheffieldJane]

Great idea! Thank you!

[Sophiestree]

and the helping someone else is so true. It is a nice feeling.

Sometimes when I walk down the road I just tell someone they look nice and I know it makes their day. It doesn't have to be much

[HeronNS]

Great post. I'm amazed at your list. Honestly can't say that I consciously have any stress relievers, although many years pre-PMR I discovered that walking made me feel better and combatted depression, and have walked daily ever since. But I do many of the things you list and must take on board some which I previously hadn't thought about. Thanks!

[ubaoz in reply to HeronNS]

My pleasure! It's interesting to see that stress relief can be a somewhat subconscious thing for some lucky people – you seem to be pretty in tune with what you need (and to do them!), which is great to hear.

[Omakaat]

Thanks for a very recognizable post. Really made me think.

Slowing down? Mindfulness? While on prednison? I find that almost impossible. In fact I use the lift off prednisone gives me in the morning, to get at least some household chores done. A clean and organized household is, for me, a great stress reliever.

With not enough energy to do gardening, I find looking after houseplants, taking cuttings, potting on etc very helpful.

And helping others as a stress reliever? Interesting view. I am the ‘chauffeur’ of a much older lady, taking her on dentists appointments, for new glasses etc. And the occasional shopping trip. Though she has, 26 years older, more stamina for shopping then me! It makes me feel useful apart from helping her out, But I don’t find it very helpful in relieving stress.

Furry friends? My daughter keeps a lovely semi Persian cat, mostly indoors, just puts him on a lead and takes him on a walk every day (he is extremely ‘stupid’ and would get lost or run into the first car), to his and her perfect contentment. Perhaps a local shelter has a special needs cat that is better off with an indoors home then in a cage with a lot of other cats? That is at least the way shelters in Holland keep their cat population.

Rinding a motorcycle and tai chi? What a very exciting way to relax! You sound like a very adventurous woman, and one who has also the guts to write a long post (love long posts) on a, perhaps not strictly medical, at least a problem with which I, and I think a lot of fellow forum members, have to deal with.

This too shall pass? Well, we can certainly hope so!

[ubaoz in reply to Omakaat]

Glad you enjoyed the post. It's something that has puzzled me for a long time, so it's fascinating to hear the variety of responses and things people use to deal with stress.

Totally agree that slowing down is a definite challenge when on pred! I too use the "kick in" of my daily dose to time when I do some things. Although at 5mg, the "kick" is not much more than a bit of a "nudge" these days!

Great idea to have a cat that will walk on a lead. I might look into that. There are certainly plenty of cats needing re-homing, but whether they are lead-trainable, particularly as adults, is to be discovered.

Yes, the helping-people-as-a-stress-reliever thing can be a mixed bag. I find little things easiest (like Sophiestree's suggestion of giving strangers compliments). Long term helping can drain me pretty quickly though, particularly if expectations get involved.

[sidra1968 in reply to ubaoz]

We also walk our cat on a lead, every day. She learned over time to become more like a dog that way. Sometimes she will just plop down during the walk , so I have very light plastic chairs around the property so I can sit down at those times..then she usually gets up again . It is fun

[ubaoz in reply to sidra1968]

Sounds great! From what I've seen online, it appears some cats take to walking on a lead quite well but others not so much – depends on the individual cat. I had a cat years ago who walked long distances with me, but without any lead. He just liked walking and getting out and about. I imagine you would have to be pretty patient with the lead training?

[sidra1968 in reply to ubaoz]

Yes, and honestly some days she will walk really far through our trails (we have 5 acres and we mow trails and let the rest grow tall..and other days she just wants to sit IN the tall grass and stare for voles or watch birds. Then she gets up again, walks some more, then plops down again. Either way, at least I am outside. I bring a magazine for when she sits.

[DorsetLady PMRGCAuk volunteer in reply to ubaoz]

Completely off piste - but if you are a cat person, may try a little light-hearted reading - available anywhere, including the usual Am**** site -

panmacmillan.com/authors/l-...

[ubaoz in reply to DorsetLady]

Actually, not off pisté at all, as it sounds like a lovely bit of escapist reading, so therefore a perfect stress reliever! Thank you for suggesting it.

[DorsetLady PMRGCAuk volunteer in reply to ubaoz]

I've "read" 2 of the 3 ... [audio books through local library] - must catch up on 3rd when it's published.

[ubaoz in reply to DorsetLady]

A quick search suggests book 3 is not due for publication until October 2024.

panmacmillan.com/authors/l-...

[DorsetLady PMRGCAuk volunteer in reply to ubaoz]

Yes just seen that, and then it's needs to be recorded as well... so something to look forward to ...

maybe to listen to on plane if I get to NZ for Xmas/New Year...

[ubaoz in reply to DorsetLady]

Sounds like a great plan all round!

[Orange_2022]

Interesting read while I'm de-stressing having arrived in good time at the airport! My stress is often self-induced as I want to keep living my life despite PMR and don't rest enough. Walking, yoga, a good film and an early night with a book are my supports. I love Australia by the way!

[ubaoz in reply to Orange_2022]

They all sound like great stress relievers. Other than the airport bit perhaps… 😳😳

It's definitely a balancing act, isn't it, to have some semblance of a life, while tempering that with pacing and self-awareness of our illness. Not a balance I manage often, I must admit, but I keep working on it!

Glad you like Australia. It's a pretty good place to be for sure.

[agingfeminist]

such a thoughtful and thought-provoking post

I do think that stream of consciousness wrting helps...you obviously enjoy writing. I have invented something I call prosems - somewhere between a poem and prose.

Just one to three words on a line that captures your thoughts and feelings...written out like a shopping list...it has kept me sane while I am living through a very challenging period of my life. (you can have repeating words and phrases, but no punctuation needed. nothing rhymes but they each have their own rhythm,

They are the private place I can give voice to my darkest thoughts and deepest anxieties.

Sometimes I share with a very close friend.

[Stills in reply to agingfeminist]

PROSEMS, brilliant idea thank you

[Temoral in reply to agingfeminist]

So good to write...spill out negativity, and relish the uplifting moments, then pay the positivity forward...pay a complement to a stranger as mentioned above...and distance yourself from critical so called friends, even family members who bring you down. Look for joy....

[ubaoz in reply to agingfeminist]

Definitely a lovely idea! Reminds me a little of Japanese haiku, which I adore. I really like the idea too of creating a private, personal space to safely retreat to.

I journal sporadically (which is actually how this post got started) and do find writing can be helpful sometimes as a way to let go of things bothering me. But, for me, I need to finish up on a positive note before stopping. Otherwise, I find that it's all to easy to get into "wallow mode".

[Flutterbies57]

Been there , done most of them , intend to do some of them every day , but usually don’t . I have hit the wall in about the last year . I know it is depression ! Not just lack of motivation. I try to do one small thing a day to distract myself. My favourite small thing at the moment is the PMR garden club . I can’t do much any more so I like to see what other pmrers are achieving . I am in NZ so it is great to see the northerners gardens which are looking their spring best as my garden fades and overgrows . Actually I enjoy photographing it now , more than doing the hard work .

Hopefully something will pop up out of nowhere to interest you again .

[ubaoz in reply to Flutterbies57]

Yep, depression is often the elephant in the room isn't it. Add in stress/anxiety as well, and it can definitely be hard to get moving some days. You have my heartfelt sympathy! Hugs.

Joining the PMR garden club sounds like a lovely idea and photographing your garden in all its glory and seasonal changes would produce some gorgeous images I imagine. Nature sure is amazing!

[Flutterbies57 in reply to ubaoz]

Today’s bad story - our medical system/ Doctor . - stressed me to the limit ! I’m Dreaming of beating the ‘crap’ (apologies) out of little golf balls on the driving range at the moment .

Yesterday’s good story - British medical system ! Husband - Covid - night time - trouble breathing - local hospital in New Zealand gives a card for online appointment with London Doctor just to write prescription for the Anti????? He requires. Brilliant Dr , good sense of humour , service, only 10 minute wait . A prescription from the other side of the world . ! Mind boggling!

Back to our Med service - hospital didn’t tell our only 2 chemists about their new system. - Fill a prescription from a London Doctor - that wasn’t going to happen ! But it did 😁 My achievement for the day . 🥳🥳🥳

[ubaoz in reply to Flutterbies57]

Well done!

What a weird system to have to get a prescription from the other side of the world, but great that it worked. I assume no local doctors were available at night, but your pharmacy was? Hope your husband is feeling improved on the antivirals.

I can definitely see why you would be feeling the effects of stress after all that. Belting some golf balls around sounds like a great stress reliever!

[PMRpro Ambassador in reply to ubaoz]

The UK uses radiologists in NZ to read and report x-rays and other imaging overnight,

[ubaoz in reply to PMRpro]

I've heard that pathology results in Australia are often sent overseas for interpretation too. We are so dependent on the internet, it's scary sometimes!

[PMRpro Ambassador in reply to ubaoz]

Time differences make them worth it - costs the same to buy the service except they are working days so no antisocial hours supplement in the charges. They may even have an exchange agreement between the UK and Australia - and the reports are written in same standard English. Probably by an Australian in the UK and a Brit in Oz!!

[ubaoz in reply to PMRpro]

Probably!

In Australia's case too, it's often a matter of too many tests and not enough doctors available to look at them and do the reports, particularly in regional/rural areas. Some results get lost altogether. I've heard quite a few tests get sent to places other than the UK (India for example) for interpretation. It's sometimes not so much a time zone thing, as staff shortages here I believe. As I've mentioned on other occasions, there is a massive shortage of doctors here – and health care staff in general actually. Despite all the UK medicos supposedly arriving here!

[PMRpro Ambassador in reply to ubaoz]

To be fair - London hospitals and ambo service would collapse without their Australian contingent! Bit like Whistler in Canada - I really thought I was in Oz when I visited there for a conference! Wasn't even ski season ...

[ubaoz in reply to PMRpro]

Aah! So that's where they've all gone…

[PMRpro Ambassador in reply to ubaoz]

I'm told that our local ski areas were heaving with Australian accents this season!! Not as staff though - need Italian and German here as well as English

[ubaoz in reply to PMRpro]

Aussie accents are pretty ordinary at the best of times, so to have anywhere heaving with them just doesn't bear thinking about!! 😆

[PMRpro Ambassador in reply to ubaoz]

Wasn't something that bothered me - my cousins were in one of the seriously posh hotels in Corvara and most of the hotel guests seemed to be English-speaking of some variety! Wouldn't catch me staying there - unless someone was paying for me!!

[Flutterbies57 in reply to ubaoz]

Except for Darwin hospital ! Palmerston actually. I was in there for 6 hours recently. I had more tests and results in that time frame than I have had in NZ for 10 years . It was very impressive .

[Flutterbies57 in reply to ubaoz]

No Doctors available here , so we go to the end of the world to find one. Almost unbelievable . No chemists open either till next day . Hospital does not keep the drug anymore 😵‍💫

[Gimme]

This is the benefit of my own experience, and I have often asked the same questions in the past.

The reason that you are not able to do the things that are good for you is because you are already stressed. Your thoughts and behaviours are overwhelming you, so the first thing that you need to do is nothing. You need to create space to get in touch with yourself and that is best done by getting yourself out of the environment that is stressing you. You probably need a holiday, but there are other options to create space and me-time for yourself, if a break is not possible. That would be a good starting point to focus on.

Tell yourself that Today is the First day of The Rest of Yourself. If you are going through a rough patch, you can do that every morning. Every day is a new day. And start journalling. Start with a list of the things that are stressing you at the moment. You can tick these off later. Explore your own behaviours as to why you get stressed. A counsellor can help. In what ways do you put pressure on yourself? Do you expect too much of yourself? Do you take on too much?. Learn to prioritise, pace yourself, and say no. However, you will most likely find that it is your own thought processes that cause the problem and changing those requires self awareness and discipline. They also require practice. Support from reading and a counsellor can help.

The most important things to remember are that you have to change your own behaviour to make changes in your life. Even if other people are the root of the stress, unless you change your own behaviour, the people you have relationships with will carry on the same. If you change, they will have to change their behaviour too.

The other thing is that you can not make changes overnight. Look at your list and then look for easy wins to boost your positivity. Change is best introduced by small steps at a time. One problem, at a time. If you make progress with one priority, you will probably find that the others begin to fall into place.

And lastly, your coping mechanisms that you listed need practice when you are not stressed, so that they become second nature when you need them.

Use the journal to write down what you learn along the way, your successes and what didn't go so well. I record all kinds of things that help, even memes on FB that chimed, books that I might want to read, wisdom from articles etc. I've found it interesting to look back on how my mindset has changed with time. I also write down milestone occasions or events, both good and bad, including hospital appointments and the state of my general health, as they often link into periods of overwhelm in ways that I might not have considered, also things that upset me and how I dealt with them.

I could waffle on about this stuff forever, but the things that have helped me most is to set and maintain clear boundaries when dealing with others, learning to let go of stuff that doesn't matter and learning to stay present. Those are still works in progress, and I still practice. I learn new things every day. Personally, I've read a lot of buddhist philosophy over the years, not because I consider myself to be buddhist, but it became clear to me how much of modern day wellbeing ideology is based on so many of those principles.

Oh, and remember that there are always a million and one ways not to do things that are good for you. Think about what is stopping you.

Good luck in your journey.

[Sophiestree in reply to Gimme]

love this

[ubaoz in reply to Gimme]

That is such helpful and wise advice! Thank you very much indeed for taking the time to write it all. Lots to ponder for sure.

I agree with you that Buddhist teachings and principles can be helpful too.

[Gimme]

One further thought. If you like cats, do you have the space to build a catio so that they can go outside safely?

[ubaoz in reply to Gimme]

Great idea and one I had considered, but unfortunately not an option here.

[S4ndy]

Such a good post. I suffer from stress and anxiety. Luckily I have a furry friend, my cat, Gandalf. He's allowed outside though so he pleases himself how much time he spends with me. Always seems to know when I need him.

My friend has a cat too, Neelix. He is an indoor cat as they live at the confluence of two very busy major roads. Her solution has been to build a Catio on the side of the house. Therefore Nelix gets access to the fresh air and sunshine, respite from his dog brother and places to climb and watch what's going on.

Meditation is my go to. People think it's sit and empty your mind. That would be impossible for me. My teacher explained it as sitting and watching your thoughts. Don't engage them, just acknowledge them and let it go. It takes practice hence it's name meditation practice. You soon begin to see how we essentially stress ourselves out by engaging and elaborating on our thoughts. Not recognising that our mind is sculpting our world and our feelings.

My way of losing myself is in sewing or crochet. Can happily spend hours doing either and find that a great stress reliever.

Very useful post, thanks x

[ubaoz in reply to S4ndy]

Thank you for your thoughts and ideas. I envy you your furry friend for sure. I think I need access to a cat café!

Very interesting to hear your thoughts on meditation too. There are so many ways to do it I gather, but whatever the method, it takes daily practice. I admire you for regularly committing to it. I just don't seem to have the stickability required somehow, but will certainly give it another go. Perhaps for starters, I could try observing my breath; I think trying to observe my thoughts might be a bit hard just yet – there are way too many of them, so it would be like trying to watch peak hour traffic!

[S4ndy]

The breath meditation is one I do regularly. Trick is to pull your focus back to counting your breath and not continuing with a thought that has arisen like your supermarket shopping list. Only count up to 10 breaths at a time. Good luck x

[ubaoz in reply to S4ndy]

Thank you very much. I shall give it a try.

Although now you've mentioned a supermarket shopping list, I'm sure that will be like an earworm! 😂

[WhatNoCarbs in reply to ubaoz]

Sorry about delay in response. Love the blog. So true.

I regularly have problems of slightly hyper ventilating when stressed. I take it back to a particularly difficult period when I tried practicing the ‘listening to breath’ thing. Now it’s become a problem in itself - can’t win! I’m halfway through a book that suggests focusing on an object instead, which is easier for me. Still have the hyper problem, but I don’t do much meditation - perhaps if I practiced more… Get it as well if I exert myself say if I go for a walk. And it is minimal things that acts as stressors, so irritating! Haven’t found a way round it unfortunately. Completely relate to your blog. I find the only thing that works is watching a calming type of TV program or a good book, that stops me thinking about the stressful thing. The downside is that it usually means putting off something that I should be doing, so increasing the stress of the initial stressor!😂

[ubaoz in reply to WhatNoCarbs]

I can really sympathise with your difficulty in observing the breath. From my experience, it's not so uncommon a thing either. I know my Mum used to have trouble with it too. For me it means that I get very aware of what my breathing is doing and inevitably end up changing it in some way without meaning to, rather than just watching what happens without interfering. Most frustrating and not always helpful as it usually makes me tense up a bit!

I think too it's really hard to use a technique for calming when it's currently a personal trigger for the reverse – as you've found already. I think your idea of focussing on an object sounds like a good one. Perhaps observing sounds, like soothing music, guided meditations or nature noises, might be worth a try too?

That's a bit quirky that walking makes you hyperventilate as well though. I would have thought the reverse would perhaps happen, unless it's because you're walking up a hill or in some way exerting yourself past your fitness level? Have you had your doctor check you over to rule out that there's nothing physical contributing to the breathing changes alongside the mental aspects?

I like your distractions – especially the good book one. It's one I go to often too, even if I'm not stressed!

Several others who have replied to this post have mentioned that any stress-relieving techniques need to be practised regularly, even when not feeling stressed, for them to be effective when you do need them. Very sensible advice for sure. Especially for one like me who doesn't seem to have the "stickability" gene!

Good luck with your quest for inner calm!

[proactive]

Thank you! Helpful reminders for everyone.

[Sophiestree]

Read a great quote from someone I subscribe to in a newsletter

If you wake up and only have 20% in your tank on a given day, and you give 20%, then you actually gave 100%.

[ubaoz in reply to Sophiestree]

Great quote! Learning to not give 25% on those days is the challenge though isn't it?

And following on from that – on the days I wake up to an empty tank and do nothing all day but lie around, then I've actually given 100% too. I like it!

[Sophiestree in reply to ubaoz]

Exactly. Sometimes when I have rubbish days I say to my daughter I have hardly done any steps today and she replies "No steps necessary"

[MrsMarigold]

Good morning from US. I always get in late on good posts with the time difference.Thx ubaoz for a great read! For all of us with chronic and unpredictable health problems this thread is so worthy. I’m only going to add a few things more on the philosophical side of our world of illness than the physical.

I too do not like euphemisms. But the one that bothers me most of all is the substitution of the word stress for the word suffering. I don’t recall when I first heard people say, I’m stressed out.” Maybe my late twenties and I’m headed into my late 60s. And raising children this phrase was like a mini goddess and set their day’s beginning and ending. My grandparents went through two wars and the Depression.As I’m sure a lot of yours did as well. They didn’t mute their suffering with the word stress. Not saying they didn’t have their way of “muting” things.

They knew what we have forgotten: life involves suffering. For everyone. It took me years to understand suffering and how it is a part of our lives. But once I did it made me see my life like the crest and trough of the ocean waves. Suffering needs long term management by faith in life; stress makes me think of ducking out and into the ladies room to alleviate my anxiety. Say the word suffering enough out and about : I suffer from PMR. I suffer from Lupus. Oh I can’t do that today, my muscles are suffering a relapse. It sounds funny but language can have that strong an influence On your mind and body. I’m able to help myself with “stress” much better now as I see the suffering as a continuum; not just Stress dropping in for cake. Developing new habits become easier and steady because Suffering is acknowledged daily as a moan or a black humor.

Next: the word we all fear: loneliness. If ever there existed a free “fossil fuel”” for “stress” for suffering, it is loneliness. Loneliness loves chronic suffering. In our world today, despite technology, people are very lonely I think because we have lost the communities we lived in that organically offered help, companionship and love. Community taught us that we didn’t have to look perfect, be perfect, be poised for perfect It’s enough to just Be

Here is a book that is truly wonderful and she has a sequel as well. It has been out for many years now and sometimes I still pull it out: Kitchen Table Wisdom/Stories that heal by Rachel N. Remen MD. 🌼🌼

[ubaoz in reply to MrsMarigold]

Thanks for your reply MrsMarigold – most thought provoking indeed, although I might leave it until tomorrow to ponder fully as it's after midnight here.

I hadn't previously thought about the word "stress" being used as a euphemism for suffering, but it makes a lot of sense the way you describe it. I think stress is probably still a useful word to describe the physical aspects of the "Stress response" and the physiological changes that happen in the body. But I agree, using the word "stress" to describe the chronic results of that response, including mental/emotional aspects, might not be so accurate. Suffering is definitely what often happens for sure!

As Gimme mentioned earlier, there is a lot of wisdom in Buddhist philosophies and practice that can help us cope with life's ups and downs. And interestingly, to paraphrase one of Buddhism's core teachings, "all life is suffering".

I agree too how language and the self-talk we use are powerful factors in how we feel and how we cope with life's "ocean waves". Looking at those and adapting are indeed good advice.

I agree, loneliness is definitely becoming more pronounced in this day and age, ironically when there are more people on the planet than ever before. I don't know the answer to that one though.

Thank you too for the book recommendation. I'll look for it.

[MrsMarigold]

Thx for lovely response. I agree with you about the response of our bodies as a “ stress response.” And the suffering that follows is the “thing” we must remedy.

I did not know that about Buddhism . It is eternally true I think! MM

[TiaPasha]

New to all this so taking note of how people cope. I have managed to take naps by listening to certain music or a voice, never used to nap. No cat but a nearly 2 year old Dobermann which means I have to keep walking and bending and throwing a ball. But I no longer play tug.

Diet wise I am Vegan, I never touch processed food and no reason for refined sugar in my life. I have a few very good Vegan cook books and the recipes give as much protein and probably more nutrient then say a Jame Oliver book. I gave up alcohol years ago and I became aware of how much alcohol people put in their shopping trolley at the shop. I now find my brain is on Inflammation alert when I see people putting snack or soda drinks in their trolley. My youngest daughter thinks it is very funny and I am sure it won’t bother me soon. Looking forward to going back to the gym if they say okay after next blood test. Will be nothing like it used to be and I will only be quarter gym bunny rather then the 100% I used to be. Now that is the thing I have found the hardest but I have accepted it now learning to live with it.

[ubaoz in reply to TiaPasha]

Sounds you're doing a great job of finding ways to deal with the stress of your PMR even though it's pretty new still. It's definitely an ongoing journey, as many replies have mentioned, so you're off to a great start. Settling into a rhythm that we can maintain without setbacks over the long haul appears to be key for all of us. Good luck with your (gentle) return to fitness!