How Much Can I bear?: Hello everyone. I am in the... - PMRGCAuk

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How Much Can I bear?

Louisa1840 profile image
34 Replies

Hello everyone. I am in the middle of the hardest time of my life after the death of my dear brother and then the brutal suicide of my beautiful 18 year old grandson. I am reeling with pain and grief..........

All this in the space of two weeks......

I am down to 3 mgs daily but my hands and wrists are painful and the fingers locked up.

According to a rheumatologist I saw a couple of years ago. I have PMR on top of inflammatory arthritis.

I have just "done" the funeral online for my brother (he was in UK, I am in Tasmania). The body of my grandson has not been found (he jumped from a very high bridge). His memorial service is next Thursday.

Should I up my steroids for a while and by how much?

Is there a balm out there for elemental grief?

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Louisa1840 profile image
Louisa1840
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34 Replies
DorsetLady profile image
DorsetLadyPMRGCAuk volunteer

Hi, So very sorry to hear this sad news. Many of us have had to deal with bereavement during our illnesses but yours does sound very brutal (as you say).

As you know usual recommendation is to add 5mg to current dose to counteract a flare, but you may not need as much as that -perhaps up to 5 or 6mg -and stay there until at least memorial service is over, and probably longer bearing in mind the circumstances.

Unfortunately there is no magic balm -but if you have issues please do speak to your GP and maybe a bereavement councillor,

Sending you a virtual hug from UK 🌸

Seacat30 profile image
Seacat30

All I can say is that I am terribly sorry. I have experienced shocking and untimely losses of my loved ones too. I can't answer your question but send you my long distance love and support.

Uglow profile image
Uglow

Life is cruel sending strength ❤️

scrambledegg profile image
scrambledegg

💐I have no words

Rose54 profile image
Rose54

Hi I am so sorry

Just sending you a big hug and strength to get through this terrible time .

PMRpro profile image
PMRproAmbassador

So sorry - that was all truly horrible. No, I don't think there is a balm for elemental grief and whatever peope try to tell you, time doesn't heal, it possibly brings more rounded edges to the grief and hurt and they come in the most unexpected and possibly undesired places and forms. As DL says, do seek counselling - I was lucky in that it is writ large here (they have specially trained people who even attend accidents with the emergency services) and a cardiologist told me to get on with seeking an appointment. It has been great - although he is ill at present so no sessions and I am really feeling the difference. You may have experienced friends - I do - but the counsellor is detached and you do feel you can say anything, however unacceptable you might think it would be to say the same thing to a non-professional. There will be such things - it may surprise you.

All I can offer is long distance virtual hugs. And an ear using the private chat function if you feel you need it.

Maisie1958 profile image
Maisie1958

No advice but just so very sorry to hear about your brother and grandson. Virtual hugs sent 🌹

pal-o-mine profile image
pal-o-mine

My heart goes out to you. Sending you my deepest sympathy and love.

autumnlass profile image
autumnlass

It must be so hard for you to bear these losses. I think I know about the grief of death and suicide too. My late husband was the latter from a suicidal depression. My son 15 and daughter 20. A long time ago now, but the ‘missing’ will always be there. Get as much counselling and support you can. I did for about 4 years. It was a life saver. I send all my loving thoughts to you right now. ❤️🌺

csummerday profile image
csummerday in reply toautumnlass

How terrible for you. Unbelievable grief. Sending whatever strength and sympathy I can.

autumnlass profile image
autumnlass in reply tocsummerday

Thank you csummerday … my response was to Louisa 1840 - but thank you for your kind thoughts - my loss was 28 years ago. ❤️

Tiggy70 profile image
Tiggy70

So sorry to hear what you are going through. Life can be so cruel. Sending you a virtual hug 🌺

Jigsawlass profile image
Jigsawlass

Sending you much love . I would agree with counselling but maybe not immediately xx

Twopies profile image
Twopies

Holding you in my arms. Give yourself time to grieve before counseling, please accept my heartfelt sympathies.

Longtimer profile image
Longtimer

What a terrible thing for you to deal with....I have a son and grandson and it upset me reading this thinking of them and you going through this. Time is very new and raw at the moment, but when you are ready, take all the help offered...Post to us on here whenever you need to.....

Sending a hug......🙏

Tapestry1057 profile image
Tapestry1057

So very sorry to hear your news. Hopefully it is some small consolation knowing that you are in so many peoples thoughts on this caring forum.

MrsNails profile image
MrsNails

Dear Louisa, l am sorry to hear this - your heart must be broken especially regarding your grandson 💔I’d be inclined to go to 5mg & see how you get on but l would speak to your GP as the impact of this loss may impact on you more than you realise & the last thing you need is additional pain.

Sending Love to you at this very sad time….

Angela xx

powerwalk profile image
powerwalk

So, so sorry Louisa. What an awful shock to have to bear. Not what your health needs to say the least. I also lost a nephew in June and theres no sense to be made of it all. I did put my pred up a tiny bit as my body was in a bad way and this was a shock which my adrenals werent having any of. Wishing you all best wishes and to find a way of coping. X

Sharitone profile image
Sharitone

So very sorry for you and your family. Have lost people in similar circumstances. Your two dear chaps will leave a hole their shape, and the world will miss them. With my very best wishes.

Elispeth profile image
Elispeth

I am so very sorry for your losses. My thoughts are with you at this time. This is such a lot to happen for you. Take good care of yourself as best that you can. One day at a time?

Helag profile image
Helag

Such sorrow you must be feeling ; I hope your soul finds peace eventually. I concur with the good advise given above.

WarmVelvet profile image
WarmVelvet

How absolutely devastating for you. Sending you much love and virtual hugs.XX 🥀♥️

bussell profile image
bussell

Much sympathy and warmth to you in bearing these shocking losses. Counselling was not for me, but I know for some it helps a great deal , so worth a try. Grief is like a huge tide and not possible to control, but it does eventually recede a little bit. I hope the affection and sympathy of your many unknown friends on this forum may help to give you some support.

YuliK profile image
YuliK in reply tobussell

Bussell you said it all.

Louisa, May I add to the many PMR friends who have posted here , my deepest condolences to you.

I send cyber hugs to you.

YuliK ❤️

SheffieldJane profile image
SheffieldJane

Oh Louisa you must be in so much pain and stunned by shock. So many huge blows in such a short period of time with so many ripples of pain stemming from the massive loss.With all the responsibilities falling on your head you will need to be strong. We all know how inflammation responds to stress and you are beginning to experience the pain of it. What does your doctor think about a supportive dose to get you through all these practicalities that have to be faced? Personally I might try something like the sick day rules initially eg 5 mgs for about 10 days and return to your 3 mgs. Your doctor may think this is too conservative, your Adrenal system is bound to be impacted upon which may lead to more symptoms .

I wish there was a balm for elemental grief. My own experiences of grief and loss lead me to believe that little oasises of comfort come unexpectedly, often in dreams or triggered sweet memories. For the most part it is a painful slog slowly building a life around the hole that loved ones leave that never really goes. My heart goes out to you, sending love and cuddles and a lot of strength. 💙

Musicals1 profile image
Musicals1

So very very sorry to hear such sad news sending love and thoughts xx

Poshdog profile image
Poshdog

Hugs and thoughts xx

Jackoh profile image
Jackoh

So very very sorry for all your grief and loss. I can only imagine it and it must be heart wrenching especially being in a different country. I would agree with everyone else to possibly add 5 mg onto your current dose to get through the immediate responses needed. Do seek though the advice of your GP and counselling at the right time can be very helpful and allows you to express thoughts and feelings you haven’t been able to express to friends and family. Do keep in touch and let us know how you are getting on. Xx💐

Nightingales profile image
Nightingales

So very sorry. My heart is aching for you. Be tender and kind to yourself. x

singingloud profile image
singingloud

My heart goes out to you. Do your best to rest and walk through your grief with your loved ones. Cry when you need to cry and talk when you need to talk. We are hear for you.

redruth123 profile image
redruth123

Reaching out across Bass Strait to send you deepest condolences Louisa1840. So, so much to bear and harder still when battling PMR. Please take good care of You. xxx

Bcol profile image
Bcol

There is nothingII can add to the comments and thoughts already mentioned Louisa, but please add my heartfelt condolences and hugs.

Nextoneplease profile image
Nextoneplease

Oh my goodness Louisa1840, my heart aches for you. I cannot add anythin* really to the very wise advice already given, but I wanted to send you my heartfelt condolences and hugs. I hope you have support locally and also remember we are always here for you 🤗xx

Sending hugs ❤️ xxx

Linda20 profile image
Linda20

Louisa, I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. I hope the advice offered helps you, and the warmth of this group wrapping round you brings you some comfort. Warm regards, Linda

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