"Yes, you really did say that"

I haven't been feeling well lately, so decided to go see the GP yesterday. I needed blood work for next weeks Rheumy appointment anyway, so off I went... My latest symptoms include; terrible groin pain, tired, slight headache, lethargic, bitchy mood, did I mention tired?

Anyway, I received a text message at 18:15 last night, that one of the blood tests (related to kidney function) came back and I should make an appointment to see a doctor and bring a urine sample. Ohhh goody, sounds like a UTI!

The earliest appointment today was at 9:00am, but it is with my old GP, YES, the one who missed the PMR all those years ago. "Ohhhh crap."

I decide, while lying wide awake, not able to sleep, that I would tell him not only did he miss the PMR, but more importantly, that he had said something to the effect of, "Well, you know, women of a certain age have to expect to feel all sorts of aches and pains...."

After we discussed the UTI or whatever it is... I said, "You probably don't realise that I haven't come to see you in years, and I think you should know the reason why."

Well, that got his attention!

I told him what he had said to me way back when, and he just looked at me with a horrified expression on his face and said, "Did I really say that?'

I responded...."Yes. Yes you did."

He apologised profusely and said he can't imagine saying that to anyone...

I told him that missing the PMR was forgivable, but that his words had made me feel like a silly, old, hypochondriac, who was losing her mind. I told him his words had hurt me and for the longest time I was sure "it" was all in my head... until I was diagnosed with GCA.

He apologised again and then again. He said I have given him something to think about and that he's learned a lesson. "Wow," I thought.

I accepted his apology and for once in my life I didn't say, "Ohhh, it's okay..." I just said, "thank you."

The UTI or whatever it is not as bad as it's been in the past, so no need for antibiotics, yet. He believes all my symptoms are actually related to the PMR...

Quelle surprise. A mini flare, I guess.

So in the end, all's well that ends well... some unfinished business is finally finished.

*exhale*

[SnazzyD]

Interesting isn’t it? Who knows what was going on in their life at the time. Well done; sounded like an impactful and dignified way of getting the point across; no unleashing of a hell cat which can be tempting in order to cope with the nerves.

[Rimmy]

Well said M. !!!! we all need need to be as honest with our doctors as we can possibly be - even at the 'risk' of being considered a bit 'batty' or hypochondriacs and we certainly should never be condescended to. When I once told a woman I know who has had considerable involvement (as a patient) with many doctors - she was horrified and even almost shrank with embarrassment on my behalf that I would 'dare' to 'question' the 'superior [aka medical] being' in the room. When I suggested that any visit to a doctor was ultimately a 'consultation' and required a balanced conversation where patients could ask questions - and even refer to recent research - she was also 'shocked'. Thing is the only way doctors can learn from 'experience' is if their patients can contribute to that ongoing 'learning' and not be too intimidated to say the kinds of things that you did !! Good on you M. - and good the doctor involved recognised the problem and hopefully all the possible ramifications of untreated PMR !! I hope the 'mini flare' with all associated manifestations subsides really soon. XX

[Hidden in reply to Rimmy]

"...she was horrified and even almost shrank with embarrassment on my behalf that I would 'dare' to 'question' the 'superior, in the room."

You are truly my sister from another mother!!!!! ❤️

[HeronNS]

I'm so glad to read a post like this from you. Sounds like you've unconsciously been carrying a pretty large burden from this and it's so good it's finally been lifted, thanks to your courage in airing it with the doctor and his ability to take on board what you said.

[Hidden in reply to HeronNS]

Unbeknownst to me, I apparently have! 🤷🏻‍♀️

[jinasc]

Reminds me of an old saying 'Revenge is a dish best served cold'...........good for you, hopefully you have done a big favour to other women.

Try this to stop the UTI in its tracks...........1 levelteaspoon of bi-carbonate of soda in as little water as possible...............drink it and have a glassful of plain water to drink about 3 minutes later.

If you still have the UTI repeat after 6 hours.

Old wives tale, which my Grandmother, Mother, Aunts and Cousins (female) have used all our their lives. The Matron at the hospital I was in 49 years ago had female Gyna patients on it after ops.

At the first sign, I take the Bi-carb. I have never had to take an anti-biotic so far.

Worth a go?

[Hidden in reply to jinasc]

It is worth a go... thanks!

[Marijo1951 in reply to jinasc]

I support this. I only ever had one full blown UTI and vowed never to have another. This ''old wives' tale'' remedy has helped me on a number of occasions and I've never developed a real UTI since.

[jinasc in reply to Marijo1951]

Thank you.

I must admit I have found some of the 'old wives tales, handed down to me from past generations, useful and most of them have worked. Not all, some have worked for me and some not, but those did not work for me, did for others. I am not surprised about that as basically we are all different. What I have found is they seem to do no harm even when they do not work.

[Marijo1951 in reply to jinasc]

I'm not sure I'd want to rub myself with goose grease for a chesty cough, but who knows..?

[PMRpro Ambassador in reply to Marijo1951]

Fairly sure that is still done in southern Germany!!!

[Marijo1951 in reply to PMRpro]

No, save it for the roast potatoes (oh dear, that's made me think of my favourite forbidden carbs!)

[PMRpro Ambassador]

I wonder what brought about the epiphany? I do hope he remembers?

I could have written Rimmy's post too. I never was a doormat about medical treatment but sometimes it took a long time to get around the fringe tripping me up!!!

[Hidden in reply to PMRpro]

Yup, I have never been an "observer" of my health issues either... I have always felt comfortable adding my two cents!

...but that time, when he played the "age card," I was just taken back! I had never thought of myself as a "woman of a certain age," and that statement (along with his dismissive manor) brought into play a whole host of doubts and insecurities.

It was the first time in my life a doctor had made me feel old and foolish!

[PMRpro Ambassador in reply to Hidden]

I got the age card (at 52) too but he wasn't dismissive really and there were no blood markers to prod his conscience.

The biggest gobsmack moment I ever had was as a student in my early 20s, been married about 3 years I think. I had flank pain and felt awful, couldn't keep awake. The young doctor at the practice decided it was muscle spasm and gave me a muscle relaxant. I returned when it didn't work and again when I felt even worse. Then he informed me I was having marital problems and fancied him! When I did my homework to find when the old man was doing surgery, I was on antibiotics in hours and referred for a renal scan within a week or so. Longstanding ascending UTI - with evidence of scarring on the kidney. And now heading for 46 years married ...

[Purplecrow]

Well done! Closure on those old issues feels good!

Hope you are well, Jerri

[PMRCanada]

My first, and former rheumatologist called to apologize to me after 3 horrific appointments. She had accused me of upping my pred dose on my own accord, when indeed she put up my dose after I completed bloodwork following her textbook taper. The list of her inappropriate and condescending behaviour is too long to list here.

She was young, and used to elderly patients doing exactly as she directed, no questioning or resistance. Then I came along, armed with loads of info about PMR and very self-aware re my body/symptoms. She added confusion, anxiety and stress to my experience, so much so my blood pressure would rise a full 20 points (??) when her tech would take my vitals before my appt.

Too little, too late was my final decision, and now I’m overseen by my great GP.

I also once let my old GP know that he failed to do a routine ultrasound of my uterus before referring me to two gyn surgeons. 6 years later, and a few days before an endometrial ablation for heavy periods, I hemorrhaged at home and my daughter rushed me to our local hospital where they did an ultrasound. The results, I have two types of fibroids including 3 the size of baseballs. In the end I had a partial hysterectomy and feel amazing. I suffered needlessly for years with anemia, fatigue, not to mention carrying around spare slacks and garbage bags to sit in while driving. Not one of those 3 (male) doctors cared to do an ultrasound even though they all knew I was suffering with the above symptoms.

Sooooooo....,I let him have it and he stammered and insisted it was standard to have ordered one, then looked at my history in the computer. He apologized and became red in the face. I told him how his lack of follow up impacted me, ending with my hope it wouldn’t happen again to another woman.

There.....rant over....sorry for the length.

[Louisepenygraig]

Well done you!

[Hidden]

So so proud of you. I could only ever accomplish that in my head. But you having the courage to speak up may just have saved someone else the agony of self doubt. It will also hopefully burn a permanent reminder in this particular doctors brain NEVER to pooh pooh a patients symptoms....

....if only I had that courage a few years earlier!