Oh where to start - scary to say the least - been beyond stressed last few days - also severe ANGER at a situation in work - and oh my god has it had a very negative affect on me. Been awake since 2 o'clock with severe headache and pain all up my neck and going over the situation in my head and I'm totally wrecked. I specificlly asked for a particular person NOT to be given to me to work for as I really have no reserves for the stress she causes me - and she was given to me. And the totally let-down feeling of not being listened to. This is now the result - gone totally backwards. Also the return of pelvic pain which I haven't had for ages. I increased my pred this morning a bit to try help me even functiuon. I don't know how to control this - I keep telling myself not to get stressed but my body isn't listening. And how do you even get these people to understand when they can't see anything. Sorry for this rant but I know no-one else will even begin to understand.
Scary : Oh where to start - scary to say the least... - PMRGCAuk
Scary
Hi Powerwalk,
Afraid to say, been there done that & got the TShirt!
If we had a broken leg in a plaster cast we would not go to work, so why do we carry on & persevere with PMR?
Just because we look OK doesn’t mean we are! Have you been to Occupational Health, because you really must & they can put things in place for you, reduced hours, correct chair etc but my honest recommendation is Go Off Sick!
Because you are ill & this kind of stress is the right conditions for causing a Major Flare!......
How long have you had PMR & what dose of Pred are you on?
I eventually gave up work & can update you on that again but I went to Occy Health at the beginning.
Thinking of you 🌺
Mrs Nails 💅🏼
I had gotten to 4 mg - been slipping in some 3.5mg to get it down slowly. I have been on the Pred for about two years and three months. I am due to finish work in 6 months - they kick us out at 60 - so have been trying to get myself to that point. I struggle horrendously with fatigue every single day - but this whole episode has knocked me for six. I feel so let down by my so called "colleagues". And yes I totally know in my heart that it was this kind of stress that put me into this PMR in the first place - I worked for an absolute horror for years. Thank you so much for your reply.
Oh yes, l know that scenario well! It took me a long time to realise that l was yo-yoing up n down on Pred & taking extra to manage to cope with the afternoons!
I went on a long planned holiday & was away almost 6 Weeks, then on my first day back the so called cover for the afternoon shift didn’t arrive & l ended up working all day instead of half a day!
I had a sore throat/cough (the perils of flying!) so l went to see my GP he signed me off for two weeks, put me on antibiotics for my chest & on my return he signed me off indefinitely!......
I never went back to work, other than to collect my personal possessions & l Retired Early on Health Grounds!
I’d seriously think about seeing your GP & taking a couple of weeks off at the very least.
Very Good Wishes
Mrs N 🌺
Yes I definitely will - I was hoping to get to my vacation time in 6 weeks - but I don't think I can make it that long if this continues - not with me in this state after a few days.
Is there no way you can go long term sick till they finish you at work.....employers just don't get it...if you turn up for work they think you are up to it I'm afraid....Been there myself....
Look out for yourself.......
Well it certainly seems so - I know if you're here - you're here as they say. But this whole situation really just got to me very bad. I've never been one for slacking - but this has just really turned my stomach! Thank you.
Me too. Can’t work either. Tough to accept xxx
So sorry you are having increased pain due to an avoidable situation. Are you able to discuss this situation with a superior? Can you explain the illness and need for specific conditions? Can you retire? My diagnosis was June, 2017 and I sold my business the next year. I simply could not work. Now any difficult situation leads to increase PMR symptoms. I increased Pred for a few days, took it extremely easy and then started decrease again. We are all delicate flowers needing special care!
Well it appears it is chosen to ignore my situation - the person who gave me this one to work for knows well I have a condition but has chosen to ignore it. Thats one of the things that I find so hurtful. I never ask for special anything - just this one thing - do not give me that person to work for!! And it was ignored. Now I'm suffering for it. I thought I could talk myself around trynig to deal with it - but my body has other ideas. As I say above - I'm due to retire in 6 months - so was hoping to make it that far. But I couldn't continue with this. Thank you.
Do you have a Occupational Health Department? As once they are involved things have to change!
Am I guessing correctly you are in the States as you call it Vacation?
No - I'm in Ireland. Annual leave I should say !!! Our so called Occupational health consists of someone coming to look at your chair!!!!
I am truly sorry this happening to you. I've been there! I know it will sound trite (and I apologise) but I learned after working at Amex for 34... you can't change anyone/anything, except yourself and your reactions to the situations with which you are presented. And you DEFINITELY can't get people understand or see things they don't want to see or understand! That's like banging YOUR head against a wall trying to get the other person to feel your pain!
I hope you can get the situation resolved and reduce the stress.
Oh I know - I feel I'm being forced into going sick or whatever which I didn't want to do - I wanted to finish my six months til early retirement at 60. I just feel so let down. But you are right of course. It needs to me who changes this one way or another. I just hate all this. Its hard enough to get out of the bed most mornings without having to come in here and have to fight. Thank you so much.
Yes, I totally get it... I had an amazingly successful, productive, positive 34 years at Amex... the last 9 months I worked for a big ego'd man, with a HUGE Napoleon complex. I was working 65-70 hours a week and managing 5 Project Managers with 8 projects. We were under SEPA deadlines and the stress was unbearable. My boss was clueless, although I did try to tell him I was losing it. I cracked under the pressure. Had a panic/anxiety attack that put me in A&E. GP signed me off work and I never went back... I took early retirement at 60. Not the way I wanted to end my career... not the way I wanted my colleagues to remember me. Disappointed in myself, that I let an evil little man get to me and made me lose sight of life and what's important... but it's been 4 years and I have never been happier (except for the GCA, PMR, Neuropathy, etc...) Sometimes bad things happen so you can experience a GOOD result! Maybe it's time for you to move on and feel good! (?)
Thank you yes I am beginning to think that way. What a horrible situation for you! These horrible people!
I am so sorry that work has done this to you. You are right that nobody understands how ill stress makes us feel and if you go off sick that is seen as a manoeuvre rather than a necessity. Do you have a harassment and bullying policy in place at work? I used to support people in situations such as yours and their management had to take positive action as part of their duty of care. From now on you need to make timed and dated notes of any incidents that involve this person. You win the fight by being calm and logical and your complaints need to be documented. Rant here all you like. Workplace stress has probably put a lot of us here in the first place. Are you in the U.K.? I am only familiar with our Employment Law but I imagine there are similar protections in place for US and Canadian employees. We need to avoid vexatious people, work can make this almost impossible. You need a champion to help you.
I'm in Ireland. Oh yes they are all talk on paper about all sorts of stuff. I have been trying so hard to stay calm - but in doing so - my body is literally bursting with frustration and anger!!! And with what I know put me here - to end up in an equally horrendous situation is what scares me - but you are right - for once in my life I need to look after myself - because my so called work colleagues don't give a hoot. Thank you so much.
It is entirely their loss if you are forced to spend your final 6 months on long term sick leave then. Is there retirement on health grounds? That used to be our best financial package. I really do not miss work and these poisonous situations. 💆🏻♀️ Poor you.
Yes - I will mentally too be so much better without all this rubbish. Its just too much to cope with. Thank you.
I can identify so strongly with how you feel. I retired before PMR but at the time was suffering badly with stress. While I was off sick the 'goal posts' were completely changed by the management .There was no way I could function as usual. Luckily my GP was willing to support me and with the help of my union I eventually got early retirement through work related stress.
Wishing you all the best I don't think I could go through all that with PMR.
Yes - and as Sheffield Jane so rightly says above - if I go sick - it'll just be seen as "kicking up"which is not my way at all. But I might nor have any choice as no-one has listened to me so far. I am actually scared at how bad it has affected me. Thank you.
Pls stay in touch with me. I too get that fear of the way my body reacts to stress xxxx
Oh yes. Heart is still thumping. Thank you.
The written word can be powerful, powerwalk. Write out your situation, use the third draft ( not the angry tear splotched one) and put the ball in their court. Any back to work plan involves not working with this person!
RANT!!!!!
PS. They move on to the next victim and are a workplace menace. Your document will be evidence.
Oh so funny - the angry and tear splotched one!!!! So very true!!!!
I'm really to hear your story powerwalk. You need to be strong and put yourself first. No one else will. I've been in a similar work situation and what hurt and upset most was that nobody actually cared. Your employer has a duty of care to you as well. I ended up walking out one morning about 6 months before my due retirement date. I phoned my boss and said I was going home and wouldn't be back. He said you can't do that. I said watch me, and did. I never returned and felt so much better once I got home knowing in my heart I'd done the right thing for me, even though others would think differently. It was like a weight lifted.
If your employer thinks so little of you now, what's the point in making yourself mire I'll by staying? They won't care. If you get sick pay or can manage financially, just do it. Enjoy some early freedom and concentrate on getting well and a long and hopefully healthy, active retirement. You've earned that. You don't have to be treated so badly or justify what you've done. Your well being is the priority. Good luck.
Oh I can feel the weight lifting even reading that - well done you! - I've done it so many times in my head - just not coming back in!!!!! And yes - its the feeling of just this person who organised for me to be given all this stress knowing I have a condition - just not caring!! I hate being put in this position - but how many mornings can I continue to come in here in this state. And it certainly won't improve as long as I have that horrible person dragging out of me. Thank you!!!
Sorry, should read 'more ill' above, not mire!
If you powerwalk out, take everything you can get out of the company, that is your entitlement, and I don’t mean a stapler and a pen!
Get you!!!
Go and see the supervisor who put you in this position and state that although you had specifically requested not to work with this person your wishes have been ignored and that you feel that if they do not remove you from this intolerable situation, you have no alternative but to leave and claim constructive dismissal.
If you don't feel strong enough to take that road then at lest get yourself signed off sick until retirement for your health's sake.
I said it again to her yesterday afternoon. So Monday morning will be telling for me. If it's not changed I'm out for long sick leave. Right into coming home yesterday that horrible one was still at me. I will end up with a stroke or something.
Good luck try and relax this weekend, but go in well prepared on monday. There's plenty of info on this site to help you - look at the article in mamici's last post.
Saying it isn't enough. You need an evidence paper trail. I would heed Chihuahua's and Sheffield Jane's advice above. Even if you decide to go off sick, put in writing that your condition is known to be exasperated by stress, working with x is known to trigger stress, and that despite a verbal request you have been placed in the very situation you were trying to avoid by flagging it with superiors. It is effectively constructive dismissal so you could have a case, but only if you have a written evidence trail.
I always did think working was bad for your health...
There is no employer in the world who will erect a memorial to you "They gave their all for this company". Staff are disposable - another one will always come along...
Hehehehehehe
When I was first diagnosed with pmr I couldn't understand what the deal was with everyone retiring. I am fortunate to have a job I love but even positive stress is stress. After a year and a half I slowly cut back hours and now am retiring. I just don't have it in me to do the job and I don't want to any more. Now when I go in a store I think thank goodness all this people want to work! How bizarre.
oh I know exactly what you mean - caring just becomes too much! I won't be far behind you if I survive this latest horror.
Also I might mention I find on pred that I am very thin skinned sometimes which could be adding to your difficulty.❤️
Maybe - I also don't have the patience I once had !! It takes me all my time and energy to just about survive. Thank you.
Exactly - and it is due to both the illness and to the treatment. We can work - under the right conditions and hours. Otherwise...
Yes I had very shortened hours and ideal conditions, still couldn't do it. This is a very strange illness, hard to understand or explain
I can’t work under any condition now it’s just the realty I am still in shock tbh.
Acceptance does take some time in coming. You are not alone in that
Hi
Do you have ACAS in Ireland
If so give them a call
Don't know you financial situation but if you leave of your own accord in England you have a long wait till you can receive any Benefits .
May be worth going on line and checking your Contribution's for State Pension as well.
Good Luck
thank you.
Sometime when you're feeling important;
Sometime when your ego 's in bloom;
Sometime when you take it for granted,
You're the best qualified in the room:
Sometime when you feel that your going,
Would leave an unfillable hole,
Just follow these simple instructions,
And see how they humble your soul.
Take a bucket and fill it with water,
Put your hand in it up to the wrist,
Pull it out and the hole that's remaining,
Is a measure of how much you'll be missed.
You can splash all you wish when you enter,
You may stir up the water galore,
But stop, and you'll find that in no time,
It looks quite the same as before.
The moral of this quaint example,
Is to do just the best that you can,
Be proud of yourself but remember,
There's no indispensable man (or woman!)
I never had that problem - but the lack of a pay packet is a bit daunting...
Yes my last paycheck is next week.... To be happy or sad??
If you know you have enough to pay the bills (which truly do tend to be lower when you are retired) - happy! 
It must be awful to feel it is your job that defined who you are.
I have never heard this poem before but it is spot on. Fortunately though I always loved my job, was a work aholic and thrived on it, I was never under any illusion that I was indispensable. Perhaps that is why things went so well. I will pass the poem on to colleagues who I know are working 24/7 and are no longer enjoying it or are coming up to retirement and are hesitating to take that step.
I remember it was on the wall at a company I used to work for. I think it put things in perspective for me!
I have never heard of this poem but find it really speaks to me. Who wrote it? I live in the USA where although we are appreciated by our students and their parents, society has been doing some teacher bashing, particularly in my community. I do think I have let my job define who I am a bit and I am starting to think about who I want to be ten years from now when I retire. Add to that my job as a mom is changing as my daughter is becoming an adult and I am starting to care for my Mom. I am in a place where I am wondering "what do I want to be when I grow up" all over again but what energy I have after work and home is spent on trying to improve my health. It gets a bit much sometimes. Like now, attempting to sort myself out after a flare. ( very depressing and tiring).
Anyway - that sort of all came spilling out when I just meant to ask who wrote the poem...
I am sorry that you have been put into such a stressful situation powerwalk,l m fortunate that l had retired before I was diagnosed with PMR,l cannot imagine how hard it must be to have to go to work when you feel so unwell.PMR does seem to be ‘ invisible’ to other people,and they will never understand how disabling it can be.l hope that your GP can sign you off sick so you won’t have to go there again if your financial situation allows.Six months is quite a long time to have to deal with this unkind person,your retirement at the end of that is a light at the end of the dark tunnel to look forward too.l am sure that when that happens you will be able to pace yourself more and enjoy your life when you feel much less stressed.Please keep posting to let us know how you get on.xx
Grants as always kind wisdom
So sorry for the situation you're in. Its there any way you can get transferred from under her control? Or, work alternating days so you don't have to deal with her as much? I had to quit working as I just couldn't function, thank God I was able to take early SSI and my husband has been carrying us. It was hard as I made more than he did but it was necessary. I was a private caregiver and could not lift anyone in the situation I was in. Pout the fibro brain in the mix and it was not good. I hope you're able to find some sense of peace. Hugs to you.
Totally agree with all of the above, sick leave, early retirement just remember who you are and don’t worry about what others think of you not your problem it’s theirs. Big virtual hugs and good luck.
Oh we do understand ,if only this condition required a bandage or a crutch .Work people who would go off with a headache cannot or will not believe that you can come to work in such a state .They can only see what they would do and assume . I have had to go back to work . My neighbour smiles knowingly and says ''All better now then ?'' I want to slap her hahaha instead I just avoid her now . To be honest until you experience this it is a hard one to get but why people can't just believe you .That's the frustrating thing . Yes I blame mine on stress . Child carer aged 10 to 43 years of age and I have worked since I was 15 ,but my sister did well with career as she points out . Screech !!!! Well she had the freedom to do it ,good for her . No going back though . Take care and here we are! we all understand .Sod the rest who don't .You need to look after you .Career , wages ,whatever if you need to do ,do it but .You still need to look after YOU .
Oh you are so right sometimes you really do feel like screaming very loud. I never felt so close to the end. I've fought so hard to stay working. Thank you for your encouraging words it means so much from everyone here. It has given me great strength.
I’m so suprised at how many people had to go through this horrible time , sam.e thing happened to me and believe it or not I worked for 6 doctors😱 I wanted to work at a surgery near home for the last 6 months before I retired , ended up giving my notice in,
My doc Johnathan was my saviour he said he would sign me off I didn’t want them phoning every week hassling me , so he told to claim sickness benefit filled in all the forms for me I ended up getting the same as my part time work! Miss some of the girls but feel so stress free and now happily retired please put yourself first you are the most important person in your life so walk the walk and look Forward to the future
I am so so sorry you are going through this... and the next time you cannot sleep and all the thinking thinking thinking doesn't help. Use this. sites.google.com/a/apps.hop...
Oh I know the thinking, thinking is driving me nuts. Thank you for this.
So sorry powerwalk! I feel for you. Big cyber hug to you.
Aw thank you. Gratefully received.
Hello, powerwalk. You and your dilemma have been on my mind. There is so much good advice here, so many telling struggles with clueless places of work together with failing health. I had my own saga and mostly wanted to say to you that I stayed (crazily) angry at a "toxic" boss for years after I took early retirement on disability. So much energy would have been saved if I could have let go and accepted being ill, and also enjoyed sooner what matters and the considerable quality of life, even with illness, that I had after I stopped working.
It also would have been great to have had an advocate, much as Sheffield Jane was in her job, to have had a workplace system of complaints that would have allowed me to have my say and retire with dignity. I was in the U.S., in California where there is employment "at will" and was pushed out of a professional job when I got autoimmune disease. After I asked for some legally permitted accommodations, my boss said things like "I don't believe in sickness," "I don't like people who are ill." I filed a grievance, in cool logical language edited several times by my writer husband, but there was a she said/she said factor and I found that my job description had been changed and I was to be squeezed out by new expectations. At one point, the director of my non-profit institution had told me I was "irreplaceable," that he would transfer me to another department, and many things I wanted to believe about myself. So, like you, I was angry and felt betrayed.
I hope that you have recourse in your workplace and that you can protect yourself financially. Take care of your health first and try not to let that awful boss get the better of you!
Oh that's horrendous. Oh needless to say I have spent weekend mulling everything over. Driving me mad. I did ask again on Friday afternoon for this person to be given to someone else but had not heard anything by the time I left Friday evening. I just wanted to finish my last six months _ working, yes but not for this horrible person for whom I do not have reserves of energy to cope with. I've been so unwell from it all. So Monday morning I now is going to be a battle of wills with this one. But I will go sick if I have to. Thank you for your kind thoughts.
Dear Powerwalk, I saw this posted on FB today and thought of you... : )
"Recognise when a phase, job, a life stage, or a relationship is over and let it go. Allow yourself to gracefully exit situations you have outgrown. Moving on doesn’t have to be a catastrophic dramatic event. You can simply chose to move forward with peace and clarity."
Oh how appropriate!!! Yes been having a bit of nerves around the whole retirement thing in six months. I've always battled to stay in work. But yes time to go e in gracefully!!!!! If things don't work out on Monday I will certainly be heading to my GP for sick leave. This whole episode has really scared me. Having to increase my pred to even function. I just haven't got it in me an more. So with help from hubby I will have my email ready to go on mon morning to this one who was emailing me right up to home time on Friday. Hate this. But i feel very let down by my so called "colleagues" who are happy for this to go on with no thought for me. I am going to print off all of this discussion from everyone and read them all through again. Thanks so much to everyone!!!!!!!
Ohhhh don't be scared!!! Look at it as an EXCITING ADVENTURE! Many new doors will open for you, as they have for me! I am very excited for you!!!!!! Best of luck next week... I hope it all goes the way you want it to !!!!
So sorry n you find yourself in this invidious position. I like so many others on here have also been in a similar situation more than once!, Definitely GP - sick note and get the hell out of there! On a lighter note - one time my lovely GP wrote sever pain in the bum - in Latin to my employer..........and never a query with the diagnosis!
Oh thats very funny!!!!! Thanks!!
Powerwalk I have come in every day to see how you are doing? There is no update so I hope all is well with you.
Hello Sparklin - you are so good. I did do an update - but basically I asked for this person to be given to someone else - again!! She has now been allocated to someone who literally has no other work to do - which would have made more sense in the first place. I am not the better of it all to be honest - but at least she is away from me for the present. Thank you so much.
Hello there powerwalk good to hear from you. Glad to hear she has been moved and I hope things will be a bit more peaceful for you. When do you retire?
Hello again just checking in to see how things are doing? Is it less stressful for you at work right now? Before you know it Feb will be here
Sending warm wishes for you
Where about in Ireland are you from?
Oh you are so good. Things have calmed so I'm not as stressed. Still hoping to make the next few months to D day!! Fatigue is horrendous. Think it's all catching up with me just finished three lots of antibiotics for utilities that refused to go and now in bed with a horrible viral thing. I did work through the uti but was floored with this bug! The joys. I'm in Dublin.
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