3:30 am over here in the western US and I can’t sleep panicked about my appointment tomorrow morning with my GP after last Thursday’s disastrous Dismissal by my rheumy.
I have no idea what she’s going to say or what he wrote to her about dismissing me and sending me back to her. I just internalize everything and look ok but inside my body takes a beating.
I haven’t even seen her since last summer when she diagnosed me with Graves disease. She was out last fall for surgery and I saw nurse practitioners a few times in the practice. She doesn’t know about the whole PMR/GCA saga, unless the rheumy has talked to her. Worried about that because what did he say? I have no idea.
I can’t even seem to get my thoughts together on paper for her. There aren’t any other rheumys in this medical system for her to refer me to.
I just want to give up. There are other severe stresses too, mainly money, neither my son or I are working, he has a disability he deals with. My sister helps me out but for who knows how long. Plus more dental work needed, replace temp filling from root canal with permanent one, not major but expensive. Scheduled for cleaning and check up, who knows what else is lurking in there. Plus very expensive. Plus car breakdown, more expenses. Sorry to moan about money, probably not the place, everyone has other problems some way more severe. Just that everything seems to have piled up at once and I’m having trouble doing anything about anything.
Probably a stupid thing to do but over the weekend I reduced from the 40 to 35 on Friday, rethought that and went to 37.5 for Saturday, Sunday, and yesterday. I thought it would be good to show the GP I was working on reducing and not the “bad patient” the rheumy said I was. I had some random pains, even in teeth, and felt “lead-footed”, more tinnitus, exhausted, but those things have pretty much subsided and I felt some better even at this little bit of a reduction. Before the rheumy fiasco I had been feeling ready to start reducing, root canal went well, sleeping a little better with fewer 2-4am wake up symptoms, etc.
I just can’t seem to prepare for this appointment tomorrow. My brain seems to have failed me.
I’m afraid she will want to put me in a too strict taper plan.
Until I can find a good rheumy who is taking new patients and takes my insurance, ( this could take a month or who knows how long, and I may need to switch GPs to be referred to a rheumy in that system ), she is who is taking care of me.
Ok had my tea and will try to go back to sleep.