For starters, I have NOT been diagnosed with pernicious anaemia or B12 deficiency. I have had my B12 serum levels tested on multiple occasions over the years, and the serum levels are always slightly elevated, even without taking any B12 supplements at all. For a while, I was convinced B12 malabsorption was the source of my problems, but after trying (at different times) methylated B12 sublinguals, getting 4 injections over the course of 4 weeks, as well as recently trying methyl B12 complex, I doubt this is my issue, but for some reason can't let it go. Here is my background:
When I was 16 (23 now), I noticed one morning I was a little tired for some reason. I have been perpetually fatigued ever since then. Not even a second of feeling well again. I've gradually gotten tireder and tireder over the course of the past 7-8 years, to the point where I'm at now where I can hardly function because the exhaustion/fogginess and resulting symptoms have become so debilitating. So basically, my life revolves around me being exhausted, something that is very difficult to ignore/skate around.
*Many of the symptoms below have been here since the fatigue/fogginess started, BUT have very gradually gotten worse and worse as time goes by.
SYMPTOMS:
· Chronic fatigue/fogginess 24/7. Used to be more of a mental fatigue/burned out feeling rather than a sleepy feeling, but has gradually escalated to both.
· Non-restorative sleep. I'll wake up to pee in the middle of the night and don't even feel like I'm in real life I'm so out of it. Can barely walk straight correctly to the bathroom. I tend to feel a teeny bit better if I can get 9+ hours of sleep though.
· Energy bursts are now non-existent.
· Disassociation feeling that has gradually emerged
· Drugged/drunk-like type feeling 24/7, especially as day progresses. Like I'm not quite in real life. Never fully feel "there"
· Cognitive decline/impairment (Concentration, alertness, memory, focus, processing/recalling/stumbling over words and sentences, confusion, etc.)
· Motor skills/coordination decline
· Lightheaded upon standing often
· Low arousal (jump scares, loud noises, etc have gradually affected me less and less as time has gone by).
· Feel anxious/stressed/overwhelmed more easily.
· Everything feels like a chore, like an ordeal I get to check off. Even if it is something extremely minor or something fun.
· Decision making is poor, even for relatively minor things.
· Hypersomnia (Usually fall asleep very easily, rarely have insomnia)
· Eye floaters + Light sensitivity (seem more sensitive to bright light/sunlight)
· Numbness all over body. Tough to explain, but extremities/body parts feel so utterly exhausted and numb-like to the touch. Like I can feel my arm getting touched by my hand, but can’t feel my hand touching my arm.
· Senses feel dulled. Hearing, taste, smell, touch, all feel weakened and suppressed.
· Libido low. Orgasm feels much less intense.
· Alcohol usually hits me much harder now. As a result, I feel intoxicated more easily/quickly. Sometimes 1 beer and I'm already feeling drunk.
· Slow now both mentally and physically.
· Head almost always feels very tired and heavy, but I don't get headaches that often.
· Anhedonia and apathy as I’ve gotten tireder and tireder. I have gradually become indifferent to most things. I literally come across as an emotionless zombie now because I am so damn exhausted 24/7. Almost nothing phases or interests me anymore. I am emotionally flat lined.
· Perfectionist/high standards kind of person. High IQ, high expectations for myself. I also tend to internalize often.
· All of these symptoms seem to flare up more when I’m sick, stressed, get less sleep, etc.
· Never really have had any hobbies or passions as a result of losing interest quickly and being too tired/unable to focus.
· Stuff constantly coming to me to look up/check/remember/do, etc.
· For the longest time, used anxiety/worry/fear/forgetting things/ to cope and get stuff done
· Never been good with just falling asleep/napping like others
· Feel like I need lots of sleep to “recover”.
ADDITIONAL INFO:
I've had virtually any and all medical tests done, everything comes back perfect. Tried so so many different types of medications, supplements, and nootropics. Diet changes, exercise changes, etc.
Overall, it feels like I was hit by a truck. From the moment I wake up to the moment I pass out from sheer exhaustion at night. Everything feels like it's suppressed by this fog that has gradually gotten worse and worse over time. For example, caffeine’s effect, sex drive, post-workout adrenaline and endorphins, getting plenty of sleep, etc. I can sort of FEEL all these things for the most part, but it feels hidden and pushed down from this utter exhaustion. It’s like nothing can surpass the fatigue and fog. It's gotten to the point where I feel like I'm living my life from the backseat and am just going through the day mindlessly. And the thing that sucks is that I want to do things and live life, and am still pretty optimistic, but I'm just too out of it, it's embarrassing. I come across like an intoxicated zombie, especially at night.
To wrap up, realistically I think it is the result of a cumulative combination of:
1. Generalized anxiety that maybe I didn’t/don’t realize is anxiety. Maybe a bit of a de-realization + “accustomness” in feeling like this for so long. I’ve always felt my anxiety was more about behavioral responses and wearing myself out.
2. Undiagnosed ADD possibly (just recently started Adderall which seems to help a tiny bit).
3. Personality characteristics that definitely don’t help (Type A personality, perfectionist tendencies, high achiever/expectations, strong moral compass, tend to worry more than I should, too hard on myself, overwhelmed/stressed, etc.)
4. Possibly a bit of depression as a result of how much this has impacted my life. Relationships fading cause I couldn’t function. Hobbies/interests lacking due to fatigue as well as having to spend all day having to use coping mechanisms to make up for my symptoms, etc.
But even when I feel I have addressed the aforementioned issues, I still feel awful, which keeps me coming back to maybe it's a physical issue.
Any advice? Assurance this is not a B12 issue?
Going backwards!
Wondering how weird healing can feel? 
Advice before apt with doctor tomorrow please?!
Bit of a Moan (Sorry)
