Im gonna start off by apologising to any one who finds my message offensive ore selfish in any way. Its not my intention, but just like most people that suffer from b12/pernicious anaemia. I need to share and let out with people that understand.
3 years ago i was diagnosed with helicobacter with beginning to ulcer and katarr for the 4th time in 4 years. At the time i was working. I was tired to the point that i had to sleep before/after work and during every break, i was throwing up, and heading to the emergency with repeated asthma attack. For 3 months i begged the local doctor to see me (my family doctor was going threw a knee operation and was gone for the year). my asthma was getting so bad that i had constant pain/cramping in my chest and my local clinic refused to see me. by this point i couldnt go to work let alone get out of bed and after calling emergency help line, i got a nurse to contact my clinic and i got an appointment. My partner had to half carry me there, and i went to the doctor. I had been off work by 1 month by then and she refused to write me a doctors not indicating that there was nothing wrong with me and i will not receive a sick note. i could barely hold a conversation and i just broke down and burst into tears. she sent me to the nurse to take some blood test and then went home. i felt like i was dying, i could feel my body screaming for something but no matter how much i ate i didnt feel any better, and my energy was getting lower. a week later i received a letter saying: "You have helicobacter polori, you might experience a mild discomfort" and told me to get antibiotic. After the second day of taking the medication i got a sever allergic reaction to the medication, waking up with my arms and hands filled with fluid and massive pain all over my body. went to the emergency, waited 3 hours cause i was not considered "important". when i finally got some one, she barely looked at me and said there is nothing she can do and that i had to continue taking the medication and sent me home. My partner was terrified by that time. he had barely slept and kept awake day and night to make sure i was breathing. my body was shutting down, i couldnt eat i couldnt move, but every blood test in sweden came out fine, i was healthy and all was in my head. Every one kept saying i was fine, and that there was nothing wrong with me. i was blamed of trying to "Screw the systems". By the way, at that time i lived in north of sweden during the time allot of asalum seekers came to sweden. i was brought up in sweden, but my name was foreign, with mixed african heritage. The tipping point for my partner (white european) was when i was taking our dog (alone) for a walk to build up my strength, 2 middle aged men decided to start screaming at me for walking on a path. They did not yell at any one who had walked there before me, calling me names and behaving threateningly. We packed our things, and moved back to his home in ireland. I was still very sick and was by that time extremely depressed/enxiety, with massive joint pains, tinitus, asthma, dizzy to passing out, and at times i would just lay there my body shaking unable to move, to weak to call for help. Finally i got hold of an doctor and thats when i finally found out i had b12 and b9 defficiency with b12 on 111. Today i just found out my 17 year old sister have had diagnosed with helicobacter, with stomach ulcer bacteria. only symptoms she had was dizziness, she went to the doctor got directly put in hospital. got given bloodtransfusion and b12/iron injections directly with fallow up diagnosis in the same clinic i was in. (My sister is white, blond hair, swedish name). Im truly happy that she got the help she needed so quick, have no symptoms and that she does not need to suffer ore fight for any one to believe her. But i suppose thats where my selfishness comes in.... I feel extremely hurt and i have not been ready to talk about til today. Still today i have days im so week i can only lay there, my body shaking, in pain and silently crying cause im to week to make a sound. even theogh i crash less, i still have enxiety to the point of every impulse in my body is begging me to end it. I dont want to die, im a fighter i do not give up. but to have that strong impulses scares the living....... out of me (sorry). It feels like im fighting a loosing battle at times... i just hate how weak and pathetic ive become. im sorry once again if im offending any one, im aware of allot people suffering way worse right now and i shouldnt complain as much. but at times i feel over whelmed and i hope you can understand my need to finally let it out to people that might understand/share my experience and pain.