Had more botox at the pain clinic this week.
I have been having injections every 3 to 4 months for the past couple of years to manage my pain, and so far it’s been fairly effective. It acts as a dimmer switch, turning the intensity of the pain right down for weeks at a time. I have tried and failed at a wide range of more conventional pain management options before going on this road. Here are some of the things people ask me or comment on (most of them don’t have chronic pain, hence the flippant answers) :
Q Lucky you! Free botox on the NHS. Can’t you just take an aspirin though?
A Lucky? Yes, I’m very lucky. I count my blessings that I can get this on the NHS, I don’t need reminding. Whilst we’re on the subject, thank you so much for paying your NI contributions to enable me to have this done. If, in the future, should you break a leg or need your piles removing, can I pop round to tell you that I too have paid my NI contributions in order for you to have your treatment?
As for taking an aspirin, been there, done that, got an entire Gap store of t-shirts emblazoned with the names of pain drugs that didn’t work. Botox is the last resort that moderates the pain and has given me my life back. If I was really lucky I wouldn’t have pain in the first place, or at least it'd be the sort that clears off if you wave a packet of anadin vaguely in its direction.
Q Wish I could have some of that for my wrinkles!
A I prefer the term “laughter lines”, and just so you know, the botox goes nowhere near them. Instead it goes into the knotty bits of troublesome muscles which get my nerve endings over excited and it shuts them up.
Q. Does it hurt?
A Like you’ve stubbed your toe by accident and then walloped it with a dirty great hammer on purpose. Still, no pain, no gain as they say. It doesn’t seem as bad with my eyes shut.
Q. Can’t you just pop into that beauty place on the High Street?
A. I’m sure they’re very nice down the High Street but I would trust them with injections as much as I’d trust an anaesthetist to do a spray tan and a bikini wax (come to think of it, I’d rather have needles stuck in me than the aforementioned beauty treatments).
Q. But I’ve seen them do botox on those TV make-over programmes – the women just wince a bit then they go off for a celebrity hair-do and a whole new wardrobe
A. That’s on the telly. In Real Life I slogged it out at work, nipped into the hospital, then it was straight off to tackle the kids / homework/ pets / dinner. I didn’t even have time for a cuppa in the League of Friends cafe! And you can forget shopping – I am drained of get up & go for a few days after. I guess that's what happens if you've been injected with poison. As for the hair do, I come out of there with bed-hair as a result of the doctor rummaging around my scalp for trigger points and sloshing on the alcohol gel.
Q. You say you had botox yesterday – how come you’re not any better?
A. It takes a little while to kick in. Come the weekend my eyelid will begin to feel heavy and carrying a pint of milk in my left hand will be hard work and I’ll know the magic juice is starting to take effect. Because I was already in pain when I had the jabs, things feel even worse today. But give it a couple of weeks and it’ll get bearable again.
Q. How are you feeling? (my husband asks)
A. "Fine." (But only because I am too co-dydramoled up to the hilt to articulate the uncomfortable truth, which is "ugh. It feels like there's a fork stuck in my head and my fingers are burning").
Q. Where’s your “I was brave at the hospital” sticker, Mum? (asks 9 year old child)
A. The thing is, they don’t give out bravery stickers when grown ups have injections. Therefore, my son doesn’t think I am very brave and it’s business as usual on the mum front. I think they should give us Pain Clinic Frequent Flyers some kind of reward points – Nectar points would be handy...
Q. Are there any other helpful tips you’d give?
A. yes, grow a thick skin and pretend to laugh at every hilarious joke about wrinkles as if it’s the very first time you’ve heard it. And if you’re having the back of your shoulder injected and are required to undress, remember to wear some presentable undergarments. There’s nothing like being forced to sit in front of a bunch of medical students in your washing machine grey bra to hammer this point home. Take it from one who knows.
Crikey I'm tired now, need more tea! Here's to autumn and feeling better.
POSITIVE PIP GUIDANCE ON CHRONIC PAIN
when you feel nobody is listening
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Article from The Scientist: Why Swearing and Pain Go Hand in Hand By Emma Byrne
