Feeling hopeless, 15+ years chronic pain and about to be a new parent in a different country.

[Resqc]

My situation is so hard and so complicated. I have a lot to be grateful for, and I am, but the chronic pain is just taking its toll on me. My wife and I recently moved back to her home country of Germany for one year, because she is pregnant and we wanted to have the baby somewhere she feels more comfortable.

But I've lived in Germany before and I know for a fact that the weather is so brutal on my pain. We lived here five years before moving to a warmer country. And I'm terrified to be trapped here. The pain is just so much worse. And the people are very difficult to connect with. It just feels so hopeless sometimes.

I met with the local doctor of the village (an appointment I was lucky to get) and handed him a detailed note explaining my situation and expressing how desperate and depressed I was for relief. And he wrote me a prescription for 5 pt appointments (which isn't enough to help, but at least it's something) and when I asked if he could recommend someone, he told me to google a specialist. I don't want to go on complaining about the lack of healthy emotion in the culture here, but does anyone have any advice? I haven't been able to find a PT appointment, even though I have a prescription and it just feels so hopeless. I feel like it was a colossal mistake to move here and I'll be lucky to get out of here.

Which sucks for many reasons, but I also want to be able to enjoy the birth of my child, but I guess I can't. I don't know. I feel pretty whiplashed by emotions.

I'm re-reading Viktor Frankl's man's search for meaning, which helps sometimes, but it's like pumping air into a liferaft, it's just so hard to stay afloat.

[PainConcernHelpline Moderator Community Champion Pain Concern]

Dear Resqc

I am a forum moderator here at Pain Concern. I have been reading through your post and am sorry you are having such a hard time.

I am not sure how healthcare appointments work in Germany, but I am sure they are similar to the UK. Pain Concern has something called the Self-management Navigator Tool which will help you be prepared and navigate healthcare appointments.

painconcern.org.uk/product/...

This episode of Pain Concerns Podcast - Airing Pain, specifically discusses healthcare appointments and the Self- management Navigator Tool.

painconcern.org.uk/airing-p...

There are a number of leaflets that deal with emotions and pain, stress, pain and relaxation as well as other general aspects of pain. Our web-publications, leaflets and self-management resources are free to download, alternatively you can order them as printed publications.

painconcern.org.uk/product-...

This link will take you to a page where you can search for other topics that may be of help / interest to you.

painconcern.org.uk/self-man...

Living with chronic pain is inherently difficult, and as in your case is often complicated and exacerbated by other circumstances.

The link below is to a website called 10 Footsteps, Living Well with Pain. It has 10 steps to help with self-management of pain.

livewellwithpain.co.uk/ten-...

I hope you find some help within the above information. The pain Concern community are great for support. If you find yourself in need of a voice to speak to, you may consider contacting Pain Concerns helpline tel:[phone].

Best wishes

Pain Concern

[Resqc in reply to PainConcernHelpline]

God bless you. Thanks a lot for the resources. I will keep fighting.

[Madlegs1]

Would you consider moving to the Canary Islands? There is quite a German community there and medical centres.I know Banana5 (I think that's the right name) moved there for her husband's health.

If you have moved to Germany for family reasons, then obviously this is not a runner.

Good luck with everything.

[Scotsman53 in reply to Madlegs1]

Resqc said "My wife and I recently moved back to her home country of Germany for one year, because she is pregnant and we wanted to have the baby somewhere she feels more comfortable."

[edythe]

Hello Resqc,

Where are you living in Germany? What kind of pain do you have? What kind of medical insurance do you have? I live in Cologne and have experience of chronic pain and know about local physios. I’m sure it’s a difficult experience to have to move to another country and find new support systems especially when you’re always in pain.

There is a network online called nebenan.de which is free and for which you have to register to join the particular neighbourhood you live in so that there are no fake members. On this site, for example, you can ask for a recommendation for a good physio or specialist doctor, find someone who might enjoy speaking English with you, lend you a drill etc. and so on. What about trying that? I’m sure you could write messages in English there.

Or find some kind of activity offered by adult education (VHS) where you can meet other people. It’s often true that it seems difficult to make contact with Germans at first but it’s a good idea to make a move yourself.

Can I help further in any way?

[Resqc in reply to edythe]

Hi Edythe,

Thanks for writing. I live outside of Mainz. It's chronic back pain, but it's sort of affect my hips, neck and shoulders now unfortunately. Have the basic public insurance, I think. But yes, it's pretty tough, I lost track of how many PT's I called that told me I couldn't be seen until jan or february. Thankfully when I explained the situation, I was able to get an appointment the next day. Although I'm not sure how much to expect. They recommend the DRK klinikum in Mainz, but I've been there before and it was unfortunately not a help.

Thanks for the recommendation of nebenan.de I have never heard of it and will register there today.

I guess if I could ask for some advice, everyone that I've met in the village we live in is polite, but also seem like they want to stop talking to me as soon as possible, any advice there?

[strongmouse in reply to Resqc]

Hi I lived in Germany for three years just north of Frankfurt. There is a strong English speaking community around the area and I found them very helpful. We moved for my husband's work, but I spoke no German and had never been there, even to visit. I made a good German friend, and it does seem to make a difference where you live with some communities being more traditional and others more outward looking.

I joined the American Womens' Club of the Taunus and they had loads of information on doctors, events and different groups. I know that as a male you might feel that isn't for you, but they may be able to support you and your wife at this time. It made a huge difference to my time living in Germany. There is a large expat community around.

aiwcfrankfurt.org/

[edythe]

Hi Resqc,

Maybe the physio, whom you seem to have seen once already can make some suggestions about a weekly course you could join to get some extra exercise. I’m sure something like this would be available in Mainz. There would probably be other men there, too. You would then have something in common.

And definitely try and find out if there are some expats around. As you are living in a village, I can understand that making contacts may take a while, as people may have lived there all their lives. But there may be people who have moved out of Mainz or Wiesbaden because it’s quieter and less expensive who would be more open to new contacts. Perhaps with your wife you can make contact more easily with couples who are also expecting a child - through anti-natal courses.

Do you speak much German as you say you’ve already lived in Germany for some years, or is language a real problem.