I'm sorry to post without any kind of direction, but I am in so much constant pain. I'm so lonely and feel like such a burden to my wife. She's the most loving and caring person in the world, but I know it's been as rough for her as it has been for me and it has taken its toll. And I just feel like the pain is getting worse. I know it would most likely be disastrous for her if I killed myself, but might also be some kind of relief for her not to have a burden anymore.
Has anyone had any successful experience with anti-depressants and chronic pain? Because I unfortunately haven't, but after trying them every few years and having bad experiences, I get desperate enough to try them again.
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Resqc
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I just want you to know that you are not the only person feeling exactly like you! Unfortunately I don't have the answers you need but wanted to say HI. I have an appointment with my pain management doctor to discuss any new treatments available. Maybe you could start there too.
Thanks. Where I live, there aren't many (or any that I know of) options for pain management. But meeting with another orthopedic doctor this week. Best of luck with your appointment. I hope it helps.
Hi Resqc,In answer to your question - yes, I have really benefitted from anti depressants. I was reluctant to go on them( I thought what's the point), but when you get the right one your life really will feel more hopeful. and both you and your wife will benefit from that.
Go back to your GP and tell them exactly how you're feeling- I have found it hard to ask for help sometimes, but when you are depressed you need treatment.
In the meantime, did you know that the Samaritans do an email service- you write to them - offload how you're feeling and they email you back. I have really found it helpful and used it a lot. Being listened to really helps.
If you can get on to a Pain Management Programme at a local hospital, that might help. I have just finished a 3 week course and met people in the same situation as me which is very helpful longterm. Do ask your GP to get you into one if possible. I have felt exactly the same as you so completely understand your frustration.
Thanks. I've tried courses like that twice before, but I guess the most important thing is to keep trying and not get discouraged. Thanks for your support.
Have you tried calling the Pain Concer helpline for advise from the charity.
I was in a very bad place in 2017. I will spare you all the details but I basically could not move for pain after being diagnosed with global Erythromelalgia as well as chronic muscle, joint and connective tissue pain. I had been a fit and healthy 32 year old and suddenly I had a life long incurable disease and absolutely nothing took the edge off the pain. Drs were throwing morphine at me, oxcodone, gabapentin. Nothing took the edge off. So I decided that I couldn't live with that pain.
I wanted to live. I wanted a life. But I couldn't face walking up day after day after day in screaming pain with absolutely no hope of any relief. Who would?
Eventually I saw a pain consultant and it was life changing. I now get alot of pain and have a crisis about once a month. Otherwise painscore sits at about 6-8/10 most days but it's manageable. The problem was they needed time to work out which cocktail of drugs would help me, but I felt that I couldn't stand it another second.
I now have IV lidocaine infusions twice a year which are not pleasant but give me a certain quality of life.
On reflection, I don't have the active and outdoorsy life that I had before. I remain very limited BUT, I do have a life that I find joy in. When I was at my worst with the pain I thought I wanted to end my life because I didn't want to live. In fact I wanted to end my life because I couldn't bear the pain which is a different thing entirely.
If you weren't in pain would you still feel like killing yourself ws an option?
I think it's vital that your doctor takes you seriously and tries to treat your pain in the immediacy, refer you to a pain clinic and see if you can get some emotional support from a professional. I do urge you to call pain concern. That is why they are there.
Please don't make a decision to do anything drastic. Think what life would be like if your pain were managed and aim for that. I never thought it would be possible but imanaged to come out the other side.
Thanks so much for your comment. It's very encouraging and I'll keep trying to find a solution for at least a pain-managed life. It does make me feel more hopeful
I have read through your post and I am so sorry to hear that you are having such a difficult time with your pain and mental health right now this must be really exhausting to deal with on a daily basis. Thank you so much for reaching out and sharing this with us, the replies to your post from other users sound really helpful. I would also recommend speaking with your GP like the others mentioned, as well as the NHS 111 or the Samaritans as they will be able to help you to get the best help and support possible if you feel that your thoughts are becoming overwhelming and more persistent – the Samaritans phone number is: 116 123 and provides free 24 hour help so please call them whenever you need.
Research has shown that mental health can play a major role in chronic pain and it is really common for people suffering in pain to feel like this and question whether to live so please remember that you are not alone and there is always help out there.
Your GP would be the best place to seek medical advice. They can inform you of what might be best for your situation, you can ask any questions about how anti-depressants might affect you and they can refer you to pain specialists, psychologists and pain management programmes all of which can help you adjust to, cope with and gain control over your pain.
It can be hard to ask all the important questions in such short GP appointments so it might be worthwhile checking out our Self-Management Navigator Tool: painconcern.org.uk/the-navi...or our online leaflet on managing your healthcare appointments:painconcern.org.uk/product/....
These resources will help you to prepare for your GP appointment and the check list on the Self-Navigator Tool will make sure that you ask all of the questions that are most important to you.
It might also be worthwhile speaking to your pharmacist while you wait for your healthcare appointments as they can also review your medication with you to see what is and isn’t working for you and what might suit you better.
I’m not sure if you have had any of this information before Resqc, but sometimes understanding more about pain and the possible triggers can be a really important step in learning to manage your pain. We have a leaflet that I have linked here, painconcern.org.uk/wp-conte...which provides some information and techniques on how to best self-manage your pain as well as the Living Well with Pain – 10 Footsteps to Living Well with Pain interactive guide. This may also help you to learn the skills you need to manage your pain as it is full of tried and tested ideas, many of which have been suggested by people who are themselves living well despite their chronic pain:resources.livewellwithpain.....
Also, mindfulness can also be useful for managing your pain and it can also be a way of switching off from the pain and can be really beneficial to our mental health. Vidyamala Burch and Breathworks provide guided meditations: vidyamala-burch.com/guided-..., and mindfulness-based pain management techniques: bing.com/videos/search?q=vi... which help those who suffer from chronic pain, illness or stress to live fuller and more meaningful lives. More information can be found at the breathworks website: breathworks-mindfulness.org...and on our podcast Mindfulness and Chronic pain: painconcern.org.uk/mindfuln...
These resources may just help with your pain management while you wait for more specific and tailored support from your GP or healthcare team. It can also be really beneficial to speak with friends and family about how you are feeling. I understand from your post that you have a really supportive and caring wife which is great as she will be able to help and support you in your pain management and mental health journey as support from those around you and others in similar situations can play a key role in pain management.
It is really great that you are a member of our online support group but it might be worthwhile looking into face-to-face support groups that are run in your local area. We have a service here that can help you to find community support groups that are local to you: painconcern.org.uk/communit..., but your GP will also be able to support you with this. There are also a number of mental health support groups that you can attend as well, the charity Mind run a number of groups and I will link to their website here: mind.org.uk/information-sup.... This mental health charity also run a free helpline that you can ring for any mental health questions you may have, queries about treatments, and where to get help near you.
I appreciate that there is a lot of information here so please take your time and read through it in your own time. Please feel free to take a look at our website: painconcern.org.uk, there are a range of leaflets and podcasts available on there that might give you more information about your chronic pain condition, ways to manage it that you might not have thought about before and support for making the most out of your healthcare appointments. We also run a helpline that you can call on a Monday between 2pm and 4pm, and on a Wednesday between 6pm and 8pm if you would like to speak to someone from the team about anything.
Thank you again for posting on our forum and please remember you are not alone. As I mentioned earlier, if you feel these thoughts are getting overwhelming please call the Samaritans or NHS 111 straight away and they will help you get the support you need. Please remember that you are not alone and if there is anything else we can help you with please get in touch again either through the forum, the helpline or the email service we provide: painconcern.org.uk/helpline/.
I wish you all the best in your pain management journey and finding the treatments and methods that work best for you, I hope this information has been helpful.
Part of the pain management course I just attended focused on Mindfulness and although I was sceptical and thought it was a load of rubbish, the NHS promote it as the best treatment for chronic pain sufferers as it does actually de-sensitise the nervous system which is causing the pain overload in the first place. As they said, they would not bother to promote it if there was no scientific evidence to support the fact that it decreases pain levels. I also think that once you get through the worst times, you come out the other end and find a more healthy way of living than before. Hopefully the pain decreases and it gives you a chance to focus on you and what you need to have a healthy and stress free life.
Hi Resqc, it’s 03:26 am , I hope this doesn’t wake you up if you have managed to fall asleep. The pain keeps me from 😴 longer than 2 hours at a time . I’ve been a pain sufferer most of my life . Spent so much money trying to get treatment and a diagnosis . Finally in my 30’s I was diagnosed with Hyper Mobility Joint Syndrome and along with that Fibromyalgia. That was 30 years ago . I wonder if this makes more sense. You don’t want to take your own life , but you want to go to sleep and not wake up . There’s a difference. You just want relief from the pain . Sometimes you may feel “ if I could have just one day , pain fee , it would give me the energy to get through another week “. Try not to look to far ahead . Just take an hour at a time . I have tried anti depressants but the chemicals in my brain don’t allow them to work for me. The medical field are improving all the time so don’t think there’s not one for you . As I don’t know what has caused your pain , it’s difficult to comment specifically. If you do have Hyper Mobility Joint Syndrome it can can be difficult to diagnose. The medical field have recently discovered that there is a link between Hypermobility and NeuroDiversion. I have very recently been prescribed Fentanyl patches . They do relieve most of the pain but are very addictive. So I’d suggest you avoid these types of medications if you can . My GP prescribed them because in desperation I tried to take my life . Please please don’t go down that route , it causes so much emotional pain , sadness and guilt for you and your loved ones . Something that was brought to my attention was that it may not have worked as I had hoped and then I could have caused other complications like a lack of oxygen to the brain . Imagine that !. There is a treatment out there for you . My most successful alternative treatment was gentle reflexology. It’s wonderfully relaxing as I think as pain sufferers we are very tense and we can make the pain worse . I wish you every success with your Doctors appointment. Please be completely honest with the Doctor so they know how the pain it is affecting you emotionally and your sheer desperation.
I have never written on any forum before . I wish I had some miracle cure for us all . Remember to learn to accept your limitations and listen to your body when you need to rest . Take care my fellow pain suffer . Learn to be kind to yourself .
Thanks for writing me. Sleep is one of those challenges that are so immensely frustrating. Like a math equation that can never really be solved. I've tried to buy new mattresses, pillows, heating pads. In the meantime, I will ask my new doctor about gentle reflexology. Thanks so much for the tip.
And thanks for the warning about fetynal patches. I was on opioid medication hard after my first spine surgery, and it's a road I'd really rather not go down. I'm glad you survived and hope you are continuing to stay strong and resilient.
Have you tried taking magnesium vitamins? Obviously check with your doctor first but taking them a couple of hour before bed will help your body and mind to relax.
I have Psoriatic Arthritis and I take 2 magnesium pills every night allows me to relax and depending on what type of pain you have (joint) you can try Blu Emu super strength cream or Australian Dream Cream (I use both) and they definitely help me.
Hi Batty1 My niece in Australia had been talking to a health care provider and told her about my situation . She suggested magnesium. I was so positive and took them over some time , maybe a year . I had some blood tests and sadly I had a massive build up of magnesium in my system( strangely this can cause symptoms similar to those I had already been experiencing) How very unique we all are. Although it didn’t work for me , I know it can be brilliant for others .
Just a suggestion, look up the symptoms of low folic acid. I was surprised . I’m now taking 800mg of folic acid to get it into my system. It takes 12 weeks . I’m only on week one . Who knows , it may bring some improvement to the way I feel.
It is so comforting to know people care and are happy to try and help .
Do you have kidney disease? This is why I suggested the poster ask her doctor first as with any recommendations from anyone here you must always ask your doctor first.
Hi there. I know exactly what you are going through. I suffer from chronic pain after years of back surgeries I have been left with nerve damage and constant pain. Because of the pain I have depression and anxiety. My head and my pain are so connected. The more sad I am and anxious the more pain I am in, the more pain I am in the more depressed and anxious I am! I have taken antidepressants for 25’years and they work for me sometimes. I currently take mirtazepine which help me sleep and venlefaxine that keep my anxiety at bay. I am on morphine, baclofen and Pregabalin for pain. On your post u mentioned suicide. Take it from me it’s the last thing ur wife wants you to do. I have had 4 accidental overdoses and the pain I put my family through was horrendous. Chronic pain doesn’t just affect us the whole family suffers too. Talk to your doctor about antidepressants they work if you go into it with the right frame of mind., which of course is difficult. I use an app called mindful it’s good. I feel for you so much and identify with what you are going through. Don’t think your wife would be better off without you, my dad and sister have found me four times wondering if I am dead don’t put her through that. Dawn 🫶
Thanks so much for reaching out. I'm glad to hear that you've had some success with medication. The last time I tried anti-depressants, it seemed like the doctor prescribed everything but the kitchen sink and I felt like I lost a few months out of my life without ever having anything that helped. But you're right it is important to keep trying and that's what I should do.
I'm really glad to hear that you have a supportive family. My parents and siblings don't really have any sympathy for me and for a long time didn't think the pain was real or that I was faking it for some reason. And now we really don't talk much at all. I feel like my wife is the only one who understands the pain that I am in, but it's taken a toll on her as well. It's really tough. But thanks for the support.
Sorry to hear about ur lack of support from your family. I have gone through that to, my family not believing in my pain it took taking my mum with me to a hospital appointment for her to realise that my pain was severe and real. There is nothing worse than chronic pain and for me back pain. I can be bed bound and folk come in and say oh you look fine. Yeh I may look fine lying here as long as don’t move. It’s a difficult thing to to describe how depressed you feel. My mums first reaction to it was “pull yourself together”. Not helpful. I went through quite a few different medications for my depression until I got the right one. So if you do gone on them don’t be scared to say to the doctor these are not right and remember they take at least 2 weeks to start working. I hope you get some help soon but don’t feel like you are alone. Take care. Dawn xx
Go straight to your doctor today and tell your wife she problem knows
Your doctor should be able to help you and give you appropriate pain relief. Re: your wife, she would be devastated to lose you, so this would be a bad solution for her. She is a human being and in certain circumstances will get tired and irritable, but believe me she loves you and to deprive her would be terrible. You have my deepest sympathy and hopefully you are getting the help you need.
Hi Resqc I know where you are coming from, first of all and most importantly there is hope. Like many others I know all to well, that feeling of desperation and loneliness.Loving someone doesn't come with conditions, your wife sound wonderful and caring. Her being their for you is important to her not a burden to her. Though I do understand why you may feel as if you are.
Pain can be overwhelming it can totally overtake your life. You can't sleep, you can't think, you just want to curl up in a corner and pull your hair out.
Simple answer is yes anti depressants do help, I've got a spinal injury that has meant I've been in chronic pain since an accident in 1984. In my case they help the pain medication I'm on. They help me relax and that helps the pain.
I see you have made an appointment with your doctor, they will most likely send you to a pain management specialist "If its long term pian".
While you wait for the appointment, there are so many different types of pain killer they can offer you. I don't know what you have been taking or where the pain comes from, but painkillers like Co-codamol is a good starting point. Possibly they might offer you something like citalopram to help with the desperation you are feeling. Also if you are not sleeping ask for a sleeping pill. Most doctors are rightly reluctant to offer these because of the side effects of long term usage. I hold them in reserve for when I can't cope. Maybe one ever 6 weeks. It resets my sleep patterns but took ages to get them from my doctor.
Hope this helps and don't forget you are not a burden to your wife.
Thanks for reaching out. And for offering an outside perspective. I'm so sorry to hear that your pain has been ongoing for so long. I think I've tried citalopram without many good effects, but I shouldn't give up hope and should continue searching. I haven't tried co-codomal, so I'll ask the doctor about it. Although I am really scared/hesitant to take anything with opioids.
Thanks so much for your offer of support. And I really hope you are continuing to be strong and resilient in the face of the pain.
Good to hear back from you, if you don't mind me asking what painkillers are you taking?I can understand your reluctance to take opioids, but you have to consider quality of life.
Since my accident I've worked, been a single parent of my 6 month old daughter (who's now married and teaching in a college ) and got a BA( honours) all while taking opioids.
As with an drug one has to be careful. The most dangerous narcotic I've taken is Alcohol. I started by having the is occasional sip of whisky before bed. Ended up not being able to sleep unless I had a drink, and the sip got bigger. All without me noticing, until one day I was in the shop looking at whisky thinking I've only got half a bottle left I better get another one. I stopped and now only have a drink once a month if that.
What I'm saying is there are far more dangerous things to takes than opioids.
Something you said in your original post is that you felt a burden to your wife. Something I've always done is turn situations around looked at them from all points of view.
If it was your wife who was in pain and suffering so terribly, you wouldn't feel as if she was being a burden to you. You would do everything you could to help her because you love her.
Hi mateOthers have suggested far better resources than I can but for what it’s worth I was hit with horrible chronic pain around 15 years old and it messed my life up horribly, I couldn’t go to school without being on so many drugs I would randomly pass out etc. and this obviously led to a bevy of mental health issues, including being much closer to suicide than I would like to admit. My parents anticipated me being unable to live alone due to the physical difficulties and I struggled with school because the medication and pain obviously doesn’t help with mental concentration.
I’m now eighteen and suffer from the same problems but have learned to deal with them and face them with a better attitude than before, as well as having found a loving girlfriend who supports me (previous girlfriend broke up with me when it became clear the pain wasn’t going to get better), and have managed to lead a relatively good lifestyle though obviously it’s a far cry from what most able bodied people have. I managed to score well enough in my A levels despite the pain to allow me to get into uni and am now looking at living alone and independently, a prospect which three years ago seemed impossible!!
Essentially the main thrust of this is to try and say that with time and building up your mental coping mechanisms it can become easier to deal with, especially with someone who sounds really supportive of you and would be heartbroken if they didn’t have you.
Thanks for reaching out. And congratulations on completing your schoolwork with good grades and being able to live independently. I don't have much advice to offer in return, but I can suggest being pretty open with the university about your condition.
After my first spine surgery, my parents had this odd take that I shouldn't tell anyone about it because it would affect my career prospects, but this just led to the pain clouding things and not being able to focus as much on schoolwork because of lots of reasons from the pain medicine to the chairs being so uncomfortable to sleepless nights... Just a really rotten situation all around.
But seriously, thanks again for your support and I wish you the best for your future academic pursuits, that offers some hope for me and others I'm sure.
Thanks very much, and I agree completely about being open with conditions. If you’re in the UK and people discriminate against you for a disability then they can be prosecuted under the equality act, and have to make reasonable adjustments for your disability, though this is not so clear cut in cases where you might physically be able to do something but it will cause you considerable pain. Fortunately I’ve never had to use anything like this and it still doesn’t get rid of the issues concerning subconscious discrimination. I applied for some part time work during sixth form and interestingly the only place that offered me a job was the one that I had an online interview for, so they didn’t see my disability. This may have been coincidence but my parents are very much of the view that I should hide it in the future however this just seems wrong to every moral fibre in my body, and I hope that being open and showing that despite all these issues we can still live our lives we can provide inspiration to others who might be feeling that they have to hide it. Hopefully all here will be in a fortunate enough position that they never have to go through significant amounts of pain from hiding their conditions to earn enough to live on but sadly some do. All you can do is live as full a life as you can and do everything you can to treat people, especially disadvantaged people or those you care about, as well as you can, and so I’d very much encourage you to stick around to try to do that!
Never think that leaving your wife in this way would be good. It would have a lasting impact. I know how hard it is, stick with it and try to get help. It sometimes seems to me that it goes on forever but everyone has really back times. Give her a hug I am sure she would appreciate it. Some of us are lucky we have support. Try to think of the good times and hopefully they will come again. Take care
Hi Resqc - I live with chronic pain too, and the single biggest concern about it for me has been the perception that I am a burden on my wife, and have guilt trips about spoiling her life and not being able to do all the things we used to do together, and planned to do in the future.
But after a couple of years I shifted my mental attitude and came to terms with this.
Talk to your wife about it. Do the things together that you still can do (e.g. nice meals). Encourage her to do other things with other people (e.g. we used to go on lots of long walks together which I now cannot do - so she joined The Ramblers and now walks with a new group of friends she has made).
Accept that your lives may be different to the way you planned, but encourage her to blossom and make her own life ... whilst at the same time still loving you. Believe me it CAN be done.
I also found citalopram helps me keep the negative thoughts at bay ... there should be no stigma with trying antidepressants. And then I just use prescription strength co-codamol when I feel I really need to. I often take it BEFORE we go and see friends and I know that I will have to try and "perform"
Thanks for your message. It really helped give a better perspective. I'll ask the doctor tomorrow about co-codamol, I'm not sure I've tried that one before, although I do believe I have tried citalopram and it didn't help me much. But thanks for the advice.
And you're spot on with the word choice of 'perform.' I guess it really is a performance after all. Thanks
Hi I’ve been in pain with L4/L5 since February 2018. I had a discectomy January 2019 which enabled me to go back to work for 2 years. Although I still had pain but was much minor. Last May it began to worsen and is now in my pelvis and groin area. I feel bad as my husbands works, looks after the house and me. I have no choice but to go through this but he has and he chooses to go through it with me because he loves me. Talk to your wife about everything! Talk to your GP I take antidepressants but they aren’t for everyone. You do need to be able to deal with the pain your in better. There are a lot of ways available to do that. Meditation breathing exercises, swimming, yoga and medication Such as stronger painkillers or nerve blocking injections. I hope you find some kind of relief soon 💜
I've read thru many of the responses and thought I should share my own unique point of view. I'm am 60 years old and have lived with pain for 15 years. During this time my pain was being treated somewhat adequately but then they stopped my pain meds and all I wanted to do was stop the pain. That was 3 years ago. I've tried unsuccessfully to unalive myself twice. It is not easy to do apparently. I've now seen how it effected my husband and have promised not to try again. I can't tell you that I don't think of dying every single day, but I remember the promise I made.
It's a long story. Stress fractures that were repaired following a surgery, but the surgery made the pain 10x worse and feels like it affected areas unrelated to my back, like my hips. I've had the pain since 2009, and had the operation in 2013, but the pain is still completely there. And I'm just drained and exhausted from everything.
Having constant pain is definitely exhausting emotionally and physically. I use Australian dream cream and Now Blu Emu and both have been helpful (not a cure) but definitely gives some relief.
I’ve been dealing with a psoriatic arthritis (Enthesitis) flare for over 5 years now its just life sucking but the two items I mentioned above are actually helpful but not everything works for everyone. I get desperate and try everything that others suggest at least once.
HI. I cannot imagine the pain you are going through, but i implore you to just step aside for a moment. Imagine it's your friend who was in pain and took his life and how you would feel. I would be mortified if my good friend did the bad thing and hadn't told me how bad he was suffering, and how many times he told me. I just would *not* like to think my friend had no one to turn to. What about your parents or children, how would they react to the loss of a loved one, knowing he didn't pour out his heart. Just think very hard. Get help, professional help, make a pest of yourself, shake the tree. You don't know what golden apples may fall. Many many hugs. We're rooting for you. Just don't do it.
Thanks very much for your support. I'll try very hard to do that and try to be as proactive as I can. I hope you're doing well too. Thanks so much for reaching out and for caring.
Please continue to search out new treatments for chronic pain. Have you tried ketamine infusions? I am researching that for my husband, I have read it can reset the brain and pain. It is also used for depression. My sister is a nurse practictioner in US and has patients whose pain is manageable through pain control pumps, etc. I will include you in my prayers for healing and pain relief.
Resqc, pain is among a collection of things found in the krispin link that cause loss of magnesium. Magnesium is needed for a laundry list of functions among them is activating thiamine (vitamin B1) and vitamin D. Magnesium and thiamine are needed in the brain and body as these links underscore. TTFD, benfotiamine and sulbutiamine are man made forms of thiamine offering good absorption and easily pass through the blood brain barrier. Use a B complex once a day with TTFD, for example, when using it for high dose treatment. Magnesium threonate is a form that can pass through the blood brain barrier easier than other forms. Because the daily dose will fall below daily elemental magnesium recommendations use a form of magnesium such as glycinate for the difference. Always consult your health cate professional before using any supplement.
Hi, sorry to hear how much constant pain you are in. Pain is tough and ongoing pain is really hard and can easily wear you down. Great that your wife cares, but pain is a lonely journey as only you know how you feel!
I use pain medication (cocodamol) including a low dose of nortrptaline at night and a sleeping tablet, along with gentle exercise (none which causes my pain to worsen), and various mental techniques to help me cope. Getting the right level of pain medication is really important. I have a mixture of health issues, including pain from previous operations, and from issues with my spine. It is pants at times, and because it is invisible others don't see how we truly are.
We are all different but there are things out there worth trying which can help. Pain management is different to living pain free. It is about using a mixture of things including pain medication / relief, physiotherapy (that is right for you AND at the right level), and mental well being. I went on a Pain Management Course and found it useful. The two people running it (a psychologist and a physiotherapist) explained how we feel pain. The main problem with long term, chronic pain is that our nervous system becomes hypersensitive. .
There is a video on YouTube (sorry can't remember the title) but it is about a man who stood on a brown snake In Australia. He brushed it off and thought he trodden on a stick, carried on walking, but then collasped, woke up in hospital lucky to be alive. (They are poisonous). The next time he went walking in the bush he was more careful, but then another time a short while afterwards he stood on something and lifted his foot, dancing around in agony, telling his friends, ''I've just trodden on a snake, I'm going to die, help!' He hadn't it was a stick. But the thing was it felt worse than before. His brain was rewired to be at attention.
One way of helping (only as part of pain meds, antidepressants if needed, physio, TENS, whatever helps physically ) is taking care of our mental and emotional well being. Your wife caring for you is a wonderful thing, a gift, even if when you are in pain it doesn't seem to help! You help her when you appreciate her caring. Strange thought but it is true. It might not seem to help your pain immediately but what you are doing is training your mind to see your pain differently.
There are various ideas for helping with this i.e. teaching our nervous system to be less on 'high alert'. Look up "Pain Managament" on YouTube and you will find several vidoes. Choose one which appeals to you. It doesn't treat the pain, it helps you to live better with pain. Not perfectly- anyone with pain knows about those really down days.
Do hope you find the orthopaedic surgeon can help you. All the best.
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