Yesterday my wonderful brother-in-law passed after a long battle with cancer, and I feel guilty and jealous because I want to be dead and it should have been me not him. I'm just a drain on society, having to live on benefits because of my condition,living in a council home which could benefit someone else.
My sister and her husband worked hard all their lives and made plans for their retirement which has all been snatched away. Two nicer people you couldn't wish to meet it's so unfair.
I've had this death wish for as long as I can remember, had all sorts of councelling to no avail, its always there even like now when I'm not depressed. Like the constant pain I just have to manage it everyday. I dont take any medication anymore because of previous overdoses. I cant trust myself to have them in the house. Does anyone else have constant all over body pain with their Ataxia? I know we all experience different things.