She is fighting a lot of personal demons of things that are buried very deeply and not of mine to share.
I know what I feel is the root cause but likely, as a man, I’m wrong but my heart is in the right place so please don’t slag me/us off for that SHE/WE are truly struggling and need the help right now.
She has always wanted to be a mum. She has always wanted so badly to be a wife and we were both too busy fighting the battles of daily life to take the time to connect and do those things.
She’s not terminally ill, but, she is on borrowed time as far as she’s fighting everyday not to be in a wheelchair.
I do not care SHE DOES!
She says things like she wants to die if she’s going to be permanently in a chair and I tell her things like “God doesn’t make mistakes. You are the most beautiful woman in the world to me”
I think she’d rather “divorce” me so she can let me go and let me be free of her daily struggles but I feel like I know why she’d be doing that and it’s not because she doesn’t love me anymore but because she’s giving up on herself.
It is very very hard for those who are close to a chronic pain person. Often they are in the firing line for any anger, pain, frustration that person feels.
What you do have to remember is not to live their life for them. They may want to do something which you know will cause them pain or worse...a flair up but....it is their choice not yours. We have to be there with tlc and heaps of it.
There sounds like a lot of #don't know' in both your posts. Is her pain a recent thing or worsened over time? Usually it is gradual til you reached the point where you are struggling. Is that right?
Honestly, it’s always been worse than I understood because I was blind to the cues so I’m motivated a lot out of fear which is difficult as a man to admit.
I feel like I’ve lost all control and i don’t know what to do
Self discipline and control. I feel like she’s going to die even though she’s not actively dying and never know that I’d give her the world if she’d just hold out her hand and tell me to come home.
• in reply to
I tell her things like “God doesn’t make mistakes. You’re beautiful and smart and perfect and she tells me things like
“Don’t treat me like a child.” I wouldn’t dream of that. I know she knows better/differently but how do I explain from a distance without being critical or offensive.
She’s not ever angry at me until I say stupid things without thinking but it hurts her more when I say some thing so I try to be gentle but her physical pain and emotional issues make “home” not happy when she’s suffering in so much pain.
Everything she’s tried to do physically to fix herself has only made it worse and I fear she’s giving up.
I fear she already has.
Her words and actions don’t make sense to me and so I just shut down.
One is chronic pain, the other mental health from some form of historic trauma.
I have chronic pain AND mental health issues, and there are times when my pain feeds my anxiety, which in turn starts off my personality disorders. Pain n CPTSD, ain't a great combi either, it gets you depressed.
Let's leave.the mental side for now.
I was told 24 ish years ago, I'd be in a wheelchair.in twenty years.... Guess what, no chair for me. I'm still fairly active (as can be considering) I go out the house approx 3 times a week, just for a wander round the shops and have a coffee or three! This wouldn't be possible without morphine n a rollator. Are there days I'd rather be in a mobility scooter, hell yes!
My fiancee accepted me for who n what I am, before we actually met, as I was honest upfront. Sadly she has developed Rhumatoid Arthritis, had sepsis last year, and now since June has been diagnosed with cancer of the throat.... She's fighting all of it. She's new to pain, and will snap quite often when having a bad day, but cos no trauma history n mental health, she doesn't keep on like it, and will often apologise moments later.
I think your gf/Mrs needs to seek help with her past, which I think is at the heart of how she is reacting.... Just my opinion.
I think her chronic illness is the core of her issues which often causes depression. As a person who has had chronic kidney disease for 40 years and on dialysis (life support) for almost 18 years I understand her. I finally sought out anti-depressants which help. As a woman often in sharing how I feel, it's important my honey just listen. As a man, and a spouse his natural instinct is to want to fix everything FOR me. I don't want that. I want to empower myself and overcome the obstacles myself.
My advice is get to counseling, both of you separately and together. Keep a journal. Write a letter to her and share all your feelings in it. Then when you can. Read the letter to her. Talk to HER.
i had to double check this was not my hubby although i’m ok with using my wheelchair now it took awhile to get that way it takes a lot to get used to the idea the life u imagined for yourself is very different from what you got when you have along term illness you sound like a good husband but it’s hard on you too the only thing that can really help is counselling and patience she probably has a mental health condition related to either past issues or having to cope with illness/pain etc all you can do is love her be patient and look after yourself too
Content on HealthUnlocked does not replace the relationship between you and doctors or other healthcare professionals nor the advice you receive from them.
Never delay seeking advice or dialling emergency services because of something that you have read on HealthUnlocked.
Right Brain Wrong Body
Getting Off of Painkillers 
depression ,pain ,and fed up!
How do I cope. .My story: 
