I get so b***** frustrated and angry at everything, my ears are bursting with noise that I can't get rid of , my pain seems to live with me like it's part of my body and in my mind almost 90% of the time and everything I do and every thought has to firstly pass the test of can I manage, will I be able to cope and will the pain be too much.
Frustration is the other thing that gnaws away the rest of me, it's no use flailing round and looking for answers that are not there, it's no use cussing the Doctors or the NHS for they are only just part of the blame, so it is to myself that my anger and frustration flails the most.
There is no advice, there is no more doors to pass through , no more Doctors to get angry at, nobody but myself is left to blame and I am in so much Pain that even blaming myself is just another waste of time.
But what to do I've tried it all and I've lived with it so long that all the advice is useless for I've done everything that anyone can possibly think of to cope with the Pain, anger, and that frustration can bring to my table on a daily and hourly basis .
Neurological impairment is just another issue that now just cant be ignored no matter how hard I try and then of course the long term side-effect issues of taking certain medication's.
But is my anger justified can I look out at the suffering of others and then justify my anger for on this site you will hear such terrible suffering , more profound disabilities , pain possibly that is worse than mine and other thing's that I just can't imagine.
So I must keep my anger locked away and my frustrations to myself for it is only I that can truly know them and only I that can truly cope with them, oh I can share them, but only I live with them.