Some difficult decisions

A friend asked the other day how David was getting on with Oxycontin reduction? Made me realize I hadn't posted for a while.

Summer has been particularly hot this year. Nights at around 25c have made sleeping very difficult but during the heat of the day the swimming pool has earned its keep! Curlygirl54 has been out for a second time since April. This time with hr young grandson. . A wonderful excuse to go to sea whale watching and the water park with fabulous rides and plenty of water!

First reduction hit a sticky patch and he was poorly. Was it withdrawal or just bugs going round? Who knows? Certainly during the Calima's we get my garden plants get caterpillars and bugs on them. Maybe he did too!

Two weeks passed and another drop. Much better. Into third drop and he did something to his shoulder. GP thought he had broken it...goodness knows how so off to A&E for Xrays. Very different system here. You turn up at said A&E and register then patient is taken into treatment rooms while family waits outside in Ambulance area or car park. A very warm day here so everyone looking for shade. 2 hours passed and still no David. Friends had heard so popped by to see if they could help or do anything. Another 2 hours and he emerged clutching a script and arm in sling.

Nothing broken and likely a strain. Script for Paracetamol made me fall off my wall with laughter!!

So everything was put on hold while time to get shoulder better.

Back on track now and reduction down to 40 x twice a day.

Sadly other conditions have reared up and we have decisions to make. He wants to come off drugs completely but maybe that won't be possible as things stand.

The anger he has felt for over 30 years biting at him again. Harder now the longer the pain continues..Drinking more and more too in spite of denials. I have spoken with GP and he wants me to arrange for him to see specialist psychologist..I can't do that. As anyone knows the only person who can do that is David himself

As I said...some difficult decisions to make

Pat x

20 Replies

  • I am sorry to read of these difficulties and very hard decisions. The GP sounds like he's copping out of a tricky conversation that he should be having rather than delegating to you.

    Best wishes for a good solution that meets David's needs and respects yours.

  • Thank you ITYFIALMCTT for your kind words. GP said he is not qualified to deal with David's problems which I guess is true. Like expecting a brain surgeon t deliver a baby!

    I have been David's full time carer for over 20 years but still comes hard to take on his roll.


  • You're kinder towards the GP than I would be because, tbh, tho' I'd have no expectation that a GP could provide the counselling, I still think he should be the one to talk to David about accepting a referral - and the GP should identify an appropriate referral.

    I know the healthcare system is different in other countries but, even so, I think that asking you to talk to your husband is inappropriate.

    Please look after yourself.

  • Understand what you mean ITYFIALMCTT but...where alcohol is concerned it has to come from David himself. If GP or I push him the denial appears with anger. Once he admits he needs help the heavens will part with help ad support.


  • Sorry to hear that your both having a hard time. As for David it's hard not to feel angry and just wants to feel normal and fed up with just coping. As for you it's hard to live with someone that is depressed and angry which makes your job much harder. I hope this is just a short term problem and you get the good old David back. He needs to stay on some medication if it makes him cope better. It's not always worth being brave if it's making him feel worse. X

  • Good to hear from you lowlife. Not many of us 'oldies' still around!!

    Sadly like all chronic pain sufferers the old David has gone forever but he still has a few things he can do.

    No one can fight his alcohol addiction for him just be here to give him all the help when he admits his problems.

    One of the many positives of being in such a beautiful climate is...he can use the pool every day. This has, at last, strengthened his leg muscles and he can tackle stairs once more.


  • You are one strong lady pat. It's so easy to just walk away and I think David is so lucky to have met you. You know where we are if you want a cry, rant etc to make yourself feel better. I hope David gets the help he needs soon so that he can pick himself up and carry on. X

  • Thank you lowlife...good to be among those who truly care.

    A stubborn, strong willed, extrovert with a huge love of life was my late Mum's description of her daughter!!

    And the sun shines on over clear blue seas


  • Thanks for update Pat, nothing seems to be going smooth for you. Your right about psychologist only David can agree to that. It does often make it look like there is no need for pills too by conceding, but withdrawal often needs other help I think. The drink is just a crutch as they say but I used to know some one who found whiskey the best pain releif. Thinking of you while you both go through this tough time with decisions to make that are not easy xx

  • Thanks Katie

    Yup whisky can be a very good crutch but...when it stops working? Like meds you just take more and more til it overtakes you. The denial is one of the hardest to deal with but....he knows how much damage he has done and small steps.

    Strongest meds and whisky NOT good bedfellows.

    Now me time for a cuppa sitting beside the pool...not all bad !!



  • Yes Pat one step at a time, one day at a time too. Enjoy the poolside tea I can sit on the patio for tea if the rain holds off bye for now x

  • Hi Paton,

    Nice to hear from you again, I'm sorry to hear that things have been tricky lately. Having lived with someone with alcohol issues in the past, I understand what you mean with the wish for help,has to come from that person themselves; I also remember only too well the anger when I would question or suggest help or even that there was a problem. So I know how difficult that is, but now also compounded with a chronic pain problem and withdrawal from meds, life must by very hard for you right now.

    I can empathise with David too though, the anger and frustration of living with chronic pain is something I know all too well, it's pretty crappy I must say. I am lucky to have a wonderful husband who has stood by my through it all but I do worry about his stress levels dealing with a very often unhappy wife.

    Please look after yourself, you are such a supportive lady to both David and the people of this forum, you must make sure that you're ok too.

    I hope that a happy medium can be found with his medication soon so that it works for both of you.

    Take care ❤️

  • Thanks Toplady

    Been with David 22 of his 30 year battle with pain. Consultant said many many years ago his condition would deteriorate but nothing ever prepares you for the speed it has advanced recently.. They do say if you want something sorting ask a blind person!! But even armed with that there are just somethings I can't do for him And...can't doesn't exsist in my vocabulary



  • I feel he's pain and all you can do is try and be there for him. He got to open his eyes and want to make that change by himself. I know I had my own son there and one point in time. He first made the choice to clean up when I told him I was sick. I thought it would throw him hard in to drinking and to pills but it didn't. He asked me if I would help him I said I would but he had to really do this for himself not for anyone else. So I made the first meeting with him AA we went together. That way he was so scared and mom was next to him still proud. Today he is cleaned up and a manager at a factory in our town. He is buying a house and a 2015 Dodge Ram truck and he comes over to see if Mom needs anything before he goes home. He's a good boy. So it can turn out good you just need to believe and you just need to know when they are truly done. I have been in your shoes you worry and worry and you wonder if they are ok. You worry about what they are going to do next to get the pills. I know I have done all that to. Now you have to go the other way. You are in my prayers and thoughts along with David. On day he will be done. He is already telling you that he want to stop maybe it's get close

  • Thank you Itwillbeok and for your encouraging story. A proud Mum indeed.

    As you rightly say it is the person themselves who has to make the first move. We hope David will have the strength to do that. As his carer I already do as much as he needs without doing everything. The meds can be done with GP and pain consultant's help. Alcohol can only be hm


  • So here's another 'old timer' dipping in! You are all absolutely right about Pats strength but having witnessed life for her both in April and last week, I have seen just how challenging it all is. I accompanied her to the GP but the consultation was nothing like what we would hope for and expect here. No empathy for the situation Pat is in but hopefully having good friends around and remotely will hold her up as she holds us up.

    I completely understand Davids feelings, I have a 44 year history with dramatically worsening chronic pain and no hope at all for any improvement now, only deterioration. I totally get, as most of us would the need for oblivion but as Pat says it is a never ending spiral that leads to much much darker places.

    I may not be here often but I'm still about and wish everyone of the members and especially Pat brighter days ahead.

    This amazing lady deserves to live in the warmth and brightness.

    Big hugs



  • Another lovely post from a much valued friend. I raise my Tea mug to you Curlygirl and all on this forum.

    Sadly oblivion doesn't happen no matter how many meds or alcohol is consumed. Well yes it could but not on my watch it won't..

    We would all like that magic pill which takes the pain away, looses us 2 stones instantly or stopped the wrinkles and grey hair..My grey hair has now bleached blonde in the sun but the rest is still there and I don't have the answer.

    Yes I was very disappointed in my GP's apparent lack of any support but that is the way here.

    I do feel extremely lucky living here and with a live in lodger/carer I have time for myself. But I want that time with David growing old together.

    If I have any say in that will happen


  • Is David drinking more to compensate for the decrease in pain meds? I haven't been following the case. If he is trying to get off of pain Meds. He should be working with pain management. Alcohol will only make him angrier and not address the pain.

  • Thank you Cmh59 for your reply.

    Perhaps I should fill in a few details. David broke his back over 30 years ago whilst serving in the Royal Navy.. Medical discharge followed and years and years or pain, depression and marriage to me. Sorry I shouldn't joke but only way I can cope sometimes. I have been his full time carer ever since.

    Days in the Navy of rum rations still existed in his time and alcohol was a part of a sailor's life ashore.

    After his injury alcohol did help with th pain, the memories and generally blocking life out. Over th years the meds got stronger as did dependency on whisky. Not a good combination but couldn't manage with out with in spite of neither working.

    We have attends some excellent pain clinics as members of the pain family. Consultant never really bothered too much about how much he drank. I did and still do.

    We now live in the Canary Islands where again w have an excellent pain clinic...more staff than all th ones in UK put together. It was here that th consultant told him to come down from high Oxyconti as she had put him on low dose of Prgabalin to help him sleep. His choice to coe off completely as they stop working.

    Gosh sorry this is a ramble! Hope you understand now!!

    Pat x

  • Ok I do underderstand better, I think. Why are they Seitching his Meds? Is the Praegalin designed to help with the pain or take the place of the Oxy? I think you should mention the increase is alcoho to the dr as this could be an even worse combination My hubby had a hip replaced and followed dr's orders, except chose to self medicate with alcohol and stop his pain Meds He had a major set back in his healing and it took him twice as long

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