Should be happy I'm here but I'm not!!!!

I'm fed up of EVERYDAY same symptoms same dryness same bloody realisation about what I've did! I no longer want to carry on like this. I do not think my body is holding onto water much as it completely goes through my body. After paracetamol my body is so dry!!!!!!!!!!! My nose my throat digestive system privates too!!!! Everyone says I'll be back to normal. I'm sick of it all. I got good news but it won't help the dryness that never goes away or gets better!!!!! Everyday I wish I died in hospital because I know I'll just go home and try and die because of the mess I made. It's not even been a month and frankly don't care!!!!!!! All my mucus membranes have dried up.... badly!!!!! I don't even know how to stimulate or make the dryness better water just completely flushes through..... with no hold on ant water it seems.... I'm so tired!!!!! I'm only 20 how am I suppose to carry on like this I'm so done!!!!!!!!! 😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑😑 everyday I regret my choice I can't eat food I like hard food I won't be able to have any proper relationships with any others because of what I did. I'm so tired I wish someone just took my soul away!!!!! I no longer get pain. Great. Dryness is still here to stay it seems!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I no longer want to do anything but DIE. Because of my mess. Paracetamol has dried me up and nothing will feel natural again. I haven't been normal in so long!!!!!!!!

77 Replies

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  • I'm sorry I don't know you're story and I don't expect you to tell me.

    But I want to offer you some hugs and a hand to hold if it will help.

    I'd also suggest contacting local mental health clinics for some help. I know it's a horrible feeling to want to die and I honestly believe they will help you.

    If you're in the Cambridge/ Peterborough area there is MIND and CPFT which both support people suffering from mental health crisis. You can also call 111 and select option 2 I'd you're in those areas. They'll put you through to someone you can talk to, and they can guide you.

  • Getting mental help won't help my physical issues.... I appreciate it but won't help me medically I'm tired of this.

  • Mental help could help you cope with the mental effects of your symptoms, and the guilt you are obviously feeling.

    I'velooked at your old posts so understand the dryness now.

    I suffered with dryness for 5 months following what I done. 8 months on and still not 100% but definitely better.

    I used eye drops, had mouth swabs and used lots of body lotions and moisturisers to help cope. It improved gradually over time.

    It wasn't my first attempt and I doubt will be my last. Having a councillor during my recovery times definitely helped as I had someone who I knew for sure wasn't judging me and using CBT helped me process they way I thought about it all.

  • I know I won't be 100% that's why id rather not be here. Everyday is a day of regret and I cannot cope with it..... everywhere is completely dry and I'm in regret and just wish I died in hospital as I took too many and it's dried up my body.... I dunno how to live like this forever and I do not want to. My pain has subsided but the dryness won't. I'm tired of it...

  • Is this an allergy of some sort. Hey epicjinx just following you.

  • Was diagnosed with allergies before but now I think it's how dry my nose is..

  • Coconut water is good for hydrating Lidle sell it - Green tea with a spoon full of honey should off good hydration and repair - again lidle sell green tea-bags. Aloe Vera Juice will be soothing for your insides. If you have Asian or Chinese shops near you they usually sell both drinks. You are young and the body can repair it just takes time. x

  • I'm hoping it can repair more than just liver damage... I'm unable to think it can at the minute. As the dryness is still here to stay it seems

  • Hi again. Did the doctor tell you this?


  • Well they just said about my throat being able to heal and belly issue is different not much seen on dryness. It seems to stay which severely worries me my body aches and keeps telling me I'm hungry constantly even after eating a small meal

  • I'm not sure what you mean about the belly issue being different. Do you mean that the doctors say that your throat will get better with time but they don't know how long it will take for dryness to get better and aren't sure how long it will take for belly to recover?

    Can you afford to eat extra small meals or snacks in between your regular meals?


  • I got told my throat and belly issues I'm having are two separate issues. My throat will heal and belly for anti acid but not much on answers for dryness.

  • I think I read you have stopped the anti-acid tablets. The were probably just to stop the acid your body naturally makes from coming up your throat. You need the acid in your tummy to help digest food so it is good to stop the tablets if you are not getting acid coming back up. You can always phone the dr and ask them to call you back for advice. You can always call 111 who can give advice as well. Get a jar of coconut oil and take a spoonfull each day. the cheapest place to buy is a Aisan super market it is usually Β£1.99 a jar. you have had some good advice from folk on here. Just keep eating simple foods like scrambled egg - chicken soup and try some fruit like banana, pear, apple. You can bake the apples and pears or cook them in a little water like apple sauce. Jars of Baby foods might be another good thing.

  • What is the coconut oil for if I might ask?

  • you can eat it or put it on your skin

    it is known to heal

  • you can cook with coconut oil instead of vegetable oil- even fry a egg in it. it's quite nice.

  • I might give it a go eventually.

  • make sure it is organic unrefined coconut oil, not the regular coconut oil you use for cooking it is different. The cooking oil will NOT work. You can use virgin coconut oil for so many things it has saved me a ton of money. Fantastic for every part of your body including hair, try swishing a tablespoon in your mouth ,daily, for as long as you can and spit. Removes a lot of toxins.

  • Hi I too have read your previous posts and think the root cause of why you did this is mental health issues. You need to start looking forwards not backwards and get some counselling for this.

    Your body will recover but it might take some time. You were 'lucky' as you can do irrepairable liver damage taking so many paracetomols.

    I heard a story of a young man who overdosed on this and when he came round in hospital he was grateful to be saved and wanted to live. Unfortunately it was too late as he had caused severe liver damage and died a few days later.

    Unfortunately there are no painless ways to kill yourself - I know coz when I get those feelings I trawl the suicide sites looking. It fair puts me off trying as the biggest danger is not that you will succeed, but that you could end up permanently impaired which would make your life much harder.

    I have an acquaintance who tried jumping to do it. She ended up losing a leg. She can't deal with this and the last I heard is that she has gone completely downhill and is in a psychiatric hospital.

    Learn from your experience, give your body time to recover, then move on. Life is often a b....h but usually worth it in the end. Put your energy towards getting your life back and planning for your future.

  • "Unfortunately there are no painless ways to kill yourself " Not so! We all have the option of a pleasant, cheap method - except those who are totally paralysed.

    In case you missed it I would watch this excellent BBC Horizon programme fronted by Michael Portillo 'How to kill a human being' see

    Many are quietly getting on with it but soon it will be recognised and legal evidencing safeguards will be put in place. Ironically just having the option is strangely empowering!

  • You may well be right I don't know. But I was trying to talk the poster down so I don't think it is a good idea to say there are painless methods. Maybe you think differently?

  • Yes I do! Telling untruths is never a good idea as it undermines trust. I believe that the nitrogen option will soon be universal and with proper evidencing will be immeasurably empowering to many and a welcome route for a few.

  • Well we will just have to agree to differ. I am all for telling the truth but that can have limited value when trying to help someone suicidal. How would you feel if you told them that and they went ahead and did it with a method you told them about?

    I know how I would feel.

  • Perhaps we can agree that telling untruths - as I originally quoted - is not acceptable then?

  • Depends on your priorities. I don't see the point in telling someone who is suicidal that there are painless ways to do it . Keeping someone from killing themselves is more important than the truth at times.

    I don't know if it is an untruth or not as every suicide site I have seen says there are no painless methods. I am by no means an expert in these methods so for all I know there could be or not.

    I gave my answer to the best of my knowledge and I can't do any more than that.

    I have nothing more to say on this issue.

  • I've read this too that there are no painless ways of doing it so I agree there. Still on the hunt for answers no suicide support group on pain killers thought.

  • Oh just thought. There are a couple of good sites on here for depression/anxiety sufferers. Why not join them? They might help you.

  • Hi

    So sorry to hear how you are feeling and what you have been - and are going through.

    It isn't easy being positive when you are suffering from this extreme dryness is it?

    I too, have just looked through your previous posts and wondered if your sister is still helping/supporting you or has that changed?

    Do you mind if I reflect on what you have written so far?

    10 days ago you were still in pain. Maybe wondering when and IF it was going to stop. Now you say pain has stopped. It may not feel like it just now - but you have made progress. You have got your pain under control. You have done well.

    This terrible dryness, well I don't know what to suggest that will cure it quickly, I'm afraid. My mother had dry mouth and the artificial saliva spray wasn't nice. Sipping water constantly was the better option. Is your mouth too dry to suck Fox's Glacier Mints and Fruits even if you sip water with them? I survived on them when I couldn't eat and mint imperials. Moisturisers for various parts of the body as already mentioned for a little relief. I use Simple moisturising bath & shower creams because I can't tolerate perfumes.

    About your throat problems. You could ask your GP to refer you to ENT for a nasendoscope. I have throat problems. Some were caused by rising stomach acid due to Laryngopharyngeal Reflux. This is when stomach acid rises up above the oesophagus into the throat. Others caused by Hypothyroidism which was caused by Hashimoto's Autoimmune Thyroiditis. I didn't find the throat sprays helpful either. Have you tried gargling with warm lightly salted water? You could try a mouthwash with warm water and a little bicarbonate of soda.

    For wind both ends you could try sipping some warm water with the Bicarb. It will help to bring all the wind up. But don't use too often as I'm not sure what medications you are on, if any, and some medication needs stomach acid to work. I was prescribed Zoton Fastab orodispersible lansoprazole by ENT Specialist. I find it better than the others or the capsules. But GPs don't usually prescribe it.

    I also like my food but I used to eat too quickly which wasn't good for my intestines! I had to concentrate on keeping food in my mouth and chewing it for much longer. I wonder if that would work for you so that you could still eat the hard foods you like. If well chewed and ground down before swallowing perhaps it wouldn't hurt the throat as much?

    Finally SOME FACTS -

    You are Precious and you are lovely and you are loved.

    You may not feel like this now but it is true. We are all precious.

    Please forgive yourself. What happened is in the past. YES you have to deal with the consequences now, as we all do for past things we regret.

    Something good to come from this? - You have made new friends on here who care enough to share with and support you. Please don't worry about the future just now. You are still in the early weeks of your recovery. Concentrate on you getting better. It may not be easy, but all we can do sometimes is take one step at a time. Day by day, hour by hour.


  • Thank you I guess. Just I don't have much energy for anything now and I should forget the past but I can't. As I'm struggling so much to be anymore "normal" now. It just replays in my head and only thing seems to be for my only option is death because of the dryness. I'm trying to eat and drink what I can. None of the things seem to help me now. Just seems like a nightmare I think...

  • You won't have much energy yet as you are still in the early stages of your recovery. It's good that you are sleeping. You probably need a lot more sleep just now and to build yourself up slowly.

    What's your favourite food?

  • I eat prawns mainly and just eating soft food at the minutes.

  • Spoil yourself with prawns.

    Is your sister with you or don't you see each other often?

  • She's been taking care of me but all I do is sleep and eat little bits.

  • Well, that's good isn't it?

    You will probably sleep a lot. Then one day feel like you have a bit more energy and be able to eat more. Then gradually things should improve maybe a little at a time.

    If your throat doesn't improve, though, I would go back to GP if I were you - and ask your sister to go in with you. You could try a different GP at the practice. I usually write down what I want to say because my mind goes blank by the time I go in to see the doc after being in the waiting room for so long!


  • I've been to my gp just to take antiacid tablets but it doesn't help....

  • What antacid tablets are you on?

  • I had heartburn for over 6 months every single day and one bottle of alkaline water helped me. So now I drink alkaline water nothing but water which I hate water.

  • My sister thinks my thriat will get better after spewing so much but I'm not sure.

  • Are you still being sick then?

  • No. Not anymore which is great but so tired of the symptoms..

  • I forget it begins with o or something

  • Would that be Omezprazole?

    You could try phoning doctor and ask for a phone call back and ask if it could be changed to Lansoprazole. I think Zoton Fastab orodispersible is best but you could ask GP but doubt you would get it.

    What strength for of Omezprazole are you on. It is PPI by the way. Proton Pump Inhibitor. It reduces stomach acid.



    Try sipping a little warm water with bicarbonate of soda which may help the throat and stomach acid and wind. But not close to time you take Omezprazole. Several hours apart.

  • Even if you have been to GP you can keep going back if throat still problematic.


  • I've stopped taking it as I do not get acid coming back up my throat anymore the gas/burp was from those tablets. And I'm wanting to but I'll have to wait until I'm back up in Scotland I think.

  • So how is your throat now?

    You do know that you can see a GP where you are don't you. You just phone or call in and ask for appointment. I think you fill in a short Temporary Resident form.

  • My throat is still the same no improvement has a physical lump at the back but no gp seems to take this seriously. Just concern about around about it.

  • Have you seen a GP where you are now?

    If not why not phone nearest one and ask to see a GP urgently as a Temporary Resident?

  • Have you ever had an Ultrasound scan of your Thyroid or neck? You could ask GP to send you for one.

    Have you ever had blood tests for Thyroid Antibodies or TSH or FreeT3 or FreeT4?

  • I don't think my sister will take me just to say to wait it out..

  • hey pal,try not to beat yourself up,what happened with the paracetamol has caused your body some damage,and I can't imagine what the dryness and lack of mucus could be like,I would imagine a pretty miserable situation,we've exchanged the odd message before,and I noticed you've had numerous replies,probably to many for me to read,but know doubt all trying to point you in the right direction with your physical problems,your so young and I've got to be honest with you I don't what the long term prognosis is with your health condition,so as with anything in life we all make mistakes,and yes your in a very sensitive frame of mind,and people sometimes don't know what to say ,or totally ignore that there's something wrong,firstly keep going to your doctor regardless of how many times you've been,and please don't get annoyed with me are you getting any help with your mind set? Someone like a community psychiatric nurse (cpn),these people are there to support with ANY type of worrying underlying conditions,so mind and body go hand in hand,and if one is out of kilter then the other will be,I know your looking for a solution to the dryness issues and the lack of moisture in your mouth and everywhere else and hopefully someone can give you a solution for this problem,hopefully you can a get through this difficult period,and I'm sorry if I've repeated what anyone else has said,as I can't stand wearing glasses to read,but I feel replying to you is a very worthwhile cause so I've got big ears and you can bend mine anytime,even if its a good ole rant,I'll keep an eye on any future posts and off course I'll reply wether its a serious health issue or even if your feeling on the low side of life I'll try and cheer you up,as long as your not a man united fan lol,even us man city fans have a sense of humour πŸ˜…

  • Was going to 'like' this reply Cb1963 until I saw you were a Man City fan! Man Utd forever :)

  • lol,here's to another interesting season ahead,nothing like a bit a banter to keep the brain ticking over

  • Yeah can't wait.

  • where in Scotland you bound to ?

  • I read through it all. I am so sorry. I spend a lot of my time contemplating those thoughts and for the first time in my life I've found a real person that considers it as much as myself. I'm 18 and I suffer from what I guess is PN or Pelvic fldoor syndrome, as wel as peyronies. I have no confidence, hardly a drive, and my cobditions are gting worse. Sorry for the aawful sspelling, my phone wont let me type properly right now. I can't help. I want to. I jUST want you to know that I fought tears reading your post and you are not alone. If you ever nneed to talk, I'll be here. -Nick

  • I have not felt normal either in a couple of years. I also don't feel I'll be the same. I've been in a wheelchair for six years. I feel my legs have got weaker and weaker. My marriage has went down the drain because of this. I no longer have a wife or any relationship with any woman. I've always been an attractive man and a lot of females still like me . I'm scared to even try cuz of my abilities or lack thereof. I also can't hold water it goes right through me. I used to be very athletic played football and basketball for many years. I actually had a scholarship for basketball instead went to work for the city. I made a bad decision but I have to live with that. I have recently got into quantum physics which challenges my mind and soul. It does help me take the negativity away the least I don't think about it. Ever since I changed my diet I do feel so much better mentally. I hate the way I have to eat. Well I guess I don't have to eat that way but I'm trying to live. It makes me feel better so I continue to eat this stuff I have never cared for. You need to drink at least 4 liters of water Plus. It's a lot and like I said water goes right through me. And helps me to digest the food and have bowel movements. I will give you any information that I have learned over these last couple years. I have got off all my medication but the spasticity medication. And never seem like it held just made my head more foggy. Since being off it my head is a lot more clear. I think a lot of it has to do with the food that I hate eating. I do have a tortilla soup recipe that is Hardy and very good tasting. I absolutely love it. It's one of the only things that I do like eating that is very healthy. If you'd like we could be pen pals since we're both going through a miserable time. I would like that. Maybe we can help each other. Something's better than nothing. There are a lot of people that understand what we are going through some of the same issues as us. I mean not the same but they can sympathize because they understand more than that average. I do have kids but there young and don't understand. I have to try for them and now for myself. I want you to do the same for yourself try and keep trying. How old did you say you were? Be there for me and I will be there for you. I can't work I sit here all day struggling suffering and misery and pain. They say what don't kill you just makes you stronger but honestly I don't feel like trying either. I hate feeling this way and being this way watching everyone else live their life happy while I sit there and reminisce.

  • Please consider seeing a rheumatologist because to me you're dryness sounds like it could be caused by a disease known as Sjogren's syndrome. If it is in fact Sjogren's syndrome there is medication that can help improve your dryness.

  • I don't think it's sjogrens syndrome I think it's a result of the paracetamol.

  • But sjrogens and other auto immune disease can cause serious depression as a result of inflammation in the brain. Many clinical papers are now being produced which are encouraging the medical world to look at depression in an entirely different way. Inflammation of the brain cause by AI disease can cause depression, agitation, confusion and irrational behaviour. Infact I know someone who was sectioned under the mental heath act only for it to be discovered that she had Lupus. That goodness someone picked up on it.

    I dont know why you did what you did but I have looked after plenty of people who have had mild to severe liver damage as a result of many causes. But I also have a rheumatology background and your symptoms and really ringing bells with sjrogens or at least an AI disease, which although are not curable, can be manageable if on the right treatment.

    Think about it.

  • I felt heartbroken for you and it brought up some of my own past attempts of trying to end it and just be a distant memory.

    I feel like your implying you took an overdose or something along those lines and now have to face the consequences.

    Your so young, is there any chance of physical recovery? Has the doctors mentioned about your physical recovery at all? I am sure you have tried many things to try and be as close to how you were before. I can also see how your screaming for help but you feel unheard. It's scary when people mention mental health but clearly when you have a physical illness of any description your mental health will be impacted.

    It's the hardest thing to live when you disabled in any way and you weren't always that way but some how you muddle on. Yes your sick of the every day in and out shit you have to deal with but you've made it this far. Your trying to be strong and that shows because your on here sharing, that's a real brave thing to do.

    You don't know me but here if you need a chat and sincerely hope your ok πŸ€—

  • Physical recovery been told my throat will heal assuming the lump will go away but unsure of the dryness going. So it's here to stay I think so far...

  • Your not going to be happy, it's not easy being where you are at the moment.

    You need to allow yourself time, I do know that you don't want time or happiness. I will say this, who ever is happy in this hell hole, but something or somehow you are here. That should tell you that it's just not your time. So you have a choice now, your in control, you can choose to keep allowing yourself to recover or give up and possibly make your life even harder than what it already is.

    What I do know is, I am here, I can see what your saying, relate to your attempts of suicide and sympathise with you. I could easily give up but after failed attempts I came to the conclusion it weren't my time. These days I do think of ending it but I know there's a great chance I may not make it and live with the side affects. I was lucky I guess but I suffer in pain every day, every day life's a struggle. I'm miserable at the moment but I'm still fighting to see if there's a better day coming. I constantly think why me, what's the point, who would care. I have also lost someone to suicide, 2 people recently. They couldn't see further than their pain so they just done it. What they didn't realise is that there was a new day the next day and feelings do change, even if just a little. They didn't realise the people they left absolutely devastated. They didn't realise how much they are both missed and I would do anything to spend just one moment with either or both of them. Both in their 20s, both sadly not here today for me to say I'm right here for you, let me catch you.

    I hope you understand where I'm coming from and at least think before you do anything drastic xx

  • I do understand where you are coming from but now I'm extremely hungry tired and not eating as much as I use to.... quite frustrating... And feel like it's my only way away from the hunger and dryness..

  • I get where your coming from, have the doctors helped at all? I'm here for you if you want to privet chat x

  • No the doctors haven't been much help because they don't know how to help muchly..

  • I tried to end my life 8 years ago. Luckily I was found by railway workers, I'd jumped from a bridge and Landed on the embankment and on to the tracks. I look back everyday and think how grateful I am. I have over 60 deep scar over my body and I'm not ashamed either(one being across my throat). So I know where you are coming from but you need to own it! You want help because you have wrote here so that is a positive step. The next step is the fact you have replied before you know is it tomorrow will be here and you can look back and say that was another day done. Nobody says life's easy at the best of times but to be where you are right now makes it even harder. I'm on the depression forums on health unlocked which helps. I'm suffering with severe depression and anxiety, always text your sister opening right up and also right on here or other forums. Put some of your time in to helping others because it really is a big help. Your young and strong I know your strong because your still looking for answers. They are out there but we all need help to find them, and we will make mistakes along the way but we learn more that way. Got any advice for me today?? Help just one person and it will make a difference. Please stay safe

  • Does anyone know if it's possible to pop out a bone in the throat after excessive vommiting? This is what the lump feels like..

  • I too am hear for you epickjinx. I have a lot of painful diseases, I couldn't emagine having something like that on top of what I already have.

  • I'm not going to give you platitudes or a trillion reasons to see the 'good side of life', but I will offer you my sympathy, caring and good wishes. Have you thought of ringing the Samaritans or you may have already done so? They are not only non-judgemental but believe in self determination and will listen to you and your wants and needs. I really hope you can get some answers.

  • I did weeks ago on help for my throat but no help as I couldn't go and no one would take me as I just got out of hospital...

  • You can ring them on freephone 116 123 or email or text if that's better for you.

  • On text they don't do much advice wise but phoning up a bit helps.. But I don't know anymore

  • The Samaritans can't give advice, but at least you'll be able to talk to someone as to how you are feeling.

  • Thanks I appreciate the help on the helpline I think. :)

  • Mental health comments aside, have you been screened for sjrogens syndrome or auto immune disease which can cause dryness of the mucous membranes?

  • No I haven't thinking it resulted from paracetamol. I'm not sure if autoimmune would set in after something like that.

  • Biggest triggers of auto immune disease is stress, trauma and infection.

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