Ideas to Relieve Emotional Pain

[RealEyes]

emotional pain is a huge shadow in my life and exhibits itself in many ways - isolation, physical pain, shame type stuff - anyone like to share what has worked for them in positive coping ? many thanks for anyone's ideas and input !

[Deb1658]

It's common to suffer emotional pain. It can be a result from many things. Can you describe what events have led you to feel this way? I find writing down my thoughts and feelings helps me uncover those deep emotions hiding in my subconscious.

[RealEyes in reply to Deb1658]

Big request Deb in regards to describing what got me to where i am today kind of thing. Important work, no doubt and thanks for asking. Childhood tragedies and an unsafe home environment was the beginning of a 'victim' based belief system that has coloured my life up to now - many years later. Now, with my parents at the end of their lives and still doing similar behaviours - I have had to protect myself from further victimization and stay away with 'no contact' for the last year at least. This is a major part of my distressign feelings at this time along with siblings and other family members who choose to have no clue or understanding, as that seems to work in their favour = no caring from them. Glad for this online community and what i have shared are some major points of my struggles in these times along with other tough life experiences that tend to disrupt my sleep, daily life and relationships. An ongoing process of inner and outer work in maintaining my 'healthy' mental health. IT is quite exhausting and hard at times. take good care Deb and later realeyes

[Hidden]

Hi I have learned over the years not to be too hard on myself. For example if I get up late I think 'lazy cow' but this is always followed by 'well done for getting up at all'.

I have come across articles on Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN) online and this talks about exactly this and it fits me to a tee. I have gained quite a lot of understanding about myself from it, so have a look and see if it helps you.

[RealEyes in reply to Hidden]

I appreciate your feedback and CEN lead lilac Thanks so much for that and I can really relate to the part about being kind to my self with what I say to myself, etc. Sooo important to be kind to ourselves and talk gently and caring ! Loving myself has been tougher than i ever thought - once i realized that i was in so much self hate/pain, etc. Thanks for your friendly reminder about how important it is to be kind to my Self. Enjoy your weekend lilac (:

[Hidden in reply to RealEyes]

drjonicewebb.com/about-emot...

[RealEyes in reply to Hidden]

oops, i keep pushing the 'report' button - instead of Reply - (my eyes! :() Anyhow, thanks lilac for that link, too **

[Hidden in reply to RealEyes]

You are very welcome. x

[oldman1952]

Hi RealEyes, physical pain and emotional pain can and do have devastating effects on your bodies physical health. Both are invisible but you know that they are always with you. One pain makes you suffer and the other pain makes the other pain worse. You do not mention the reason for your emotional pain and I totally understand that, but you have got to get one of those pains sorted out first. It is your decision. If you get depressed because of your past problems then you need to see a specialist counsellor. There are many organisations out there who will listen to people who have had horrific emotional and physical abuse. Time is now for you to get that help. Your GP or surgery nurse practitioner will be able to put you in to touch with the correct organisation that will assist you to look at what happened so that you can start to move forward to a better place than where you are now. They have counsellors who use a variety for counselling theories. From CBT to Person Focused Therapy and EMDR. Look them up and you will realise that any counselling will have the same outcome. Help you to understand what happened to you and what can you do in the future to help yourself or others from not becoming victims.

As with the shame type stuff, what ever it was that caused you too hurt in such a way was not your fault. The fault lives with the person who caused you the pain that you are suffering now. There is a web site set up for people that need help to change something in their life. It is called (livinglifetothefull). It was set up by Dr Chris Williams a psychologist in Glasgow. On the site there is a link to an online counsellor who if you are in crisis you can talk to them about anything that is a problem at that time.

Talk about seeing a pain management specialist regarding the severe physical pain that you are suffering at this time in your life.

Take care of yourself RealEyes. Best regards and good luck in the future as I think you have suffered enough. Now its your turn to be special. Oldman1952

[RealEyes in reply to oldman1952]

Yes, there has been a lot of reasons for what is going on with me now - and I have been working on my life for decades in order to maintain a positive outlook and being the 'best that i can be'. Lately it has been more tough due to family members who i have 'no contact' with and who are close to death. A Very Trying time in respect to family dynamics while also protecting my self from more emotional n psychological abusive behaviours. And, yes, I do talk to someone who does assist me in coping better amidst these challenges. It is good to be here as it is important to get other people's input about what has worked for them. Thanks oldman for responding to my message and later,, realeyes (:

[RealEyes in reply to oldman1952]

and, thanks for the website link - i will check it out

[johnnygeetar]

I can only say what works for me, Im unable to work, but I have an allotment and i grow my own veg,I know it sounds funny but it has really enriched my life, I can take it easy on a bad day and do a bit more on a good day, you get sun fresh air and you see lots of wildlife. You meet lots of other people on the allotments and over time make new friends. You can work season to season. I also have a dog as my best friend who goes everywere with me so im never on my own.

[RealEyes in reply to johnnygeetar]

Yes ! I have had a small garden in the past and it is a good source of positive energies and good food + I like being outside, too. I would like to have a pet in my life although it is not an option where i live and pets are a big responsibility yet well worth it in the long run. Thanks for writing to me Johnny and All the best on your gardening plot and the pain relief that is part of it. If you want to share - I would be interested in reading about what kind of food you are growing, etc. Happy Spring time to you n later, ** RealEyes

[johnnygeetar in reply to RealEyes]

Hi, Ive been over wintering Kale, Leeks,winter salads like Mitzuna and lambs lettuce, Swedes, Turnip,Beetroot, - all still being harvested. I planted Onions ,Shallots and Garlic in December and they are starting to grow now. Im putting my first and second earlys potatoes in this week( under glass ). I try to grow as many different types of veg as i can. Some things will thrive and some things wont because you never know what the weather and pests are going to throw at you, the trick is to expect both success and to fail. Im trying something new this year called a Kailet, Its a hybrid of Kale and Brussel sprout. I grew Quinoa last year (just one plant) to see if it would grow in lancashire up on the pennine hills and it did so i will be planting lots of it this year as it is expensive to buy and is a very healthy food. If you only have limited space at home do a square foot garden and this will increase what you can grow,you can see good examples of square foot gardening on youtube. Hope this helps.

[RealEyes in reply to johnnygeetar]

Thanks for sharing JohnnyG - that is quite a list of vegies you have got growing and good plans for your quinoa and kailet ... I am taking this year off doing a larger garden and am looking at doing something on my balcony instead. Sounds like you have a good amount of your own food happening. Smart guy! All the best for your season and enjoy the outdoors, re**

[johnsmith]

Not sure where your are on the health disability journey. Emotional pain may be a bereavement response. If this is the case you have to let it take its course. It cannot be rushed. You are mourning the things that once were and are not now.

Emotions are felt in the body. To change the emotion you need to change the way you move and your posture. Yoga and martial arts are a way to do this. You can try t'ai chi which is more slower moving and thus does not put to much stress on the body.

Meditation and mindfulness is worth investigating. My experience of counselling is that it does not give you the tools you need and has the potential of making emotional pain a lot worse. Join a church group of a religious tradition that meets your fancy will be helpful in ways you may not realise. You do not have to believe if you find the right group.

Hope this helps.

[RealEyes in reply to johnsmith]

Thanks John for your thoughts. The emotional pain going for me is the results of complicated grief and ptsd along with depressive tendencies from the above ... I think your ideas about moving the body are soo true - I had not really connected the idea of posture to this. I think that is an important point to moving the energy that is 'stuck' in my body from the past. Thanks again for your input - I appreciate it. **

[oldman1952]

Hi JS, some people have had bad experiences with some dodgy counsellors that have not been trained or have ever been evaluated or completed case studies. For this reason I learned my trade over many years. Reading and researching many different counselling theories, then devised a type of counselling that combined a variety of theories and looked at how they worked together. I also had good mentors who had a wealth of experience, one from a forensic background and the other a generic social worker who was also a trained mental health officer. Through out my career spanning 40 plus years have counselled many hundreds of people. So JS I do have to disagree with your thoughts on counselling services. Not every one will be happy with being in therapy because to open up and reveal your inner most thoughts can be a hard thing to do. However to have empathy with your client you must be able to listen, never judge and have unconditional positive regard for your client. The person having counselling might have severe issues with body image i.e. Anorexia nervosa and Bulimia. Sexual or physical abuse as a child. Can you now tell that person, that they can recover from that extreme trauma with out having counselling from an experienced counsellor. Please JS start to look out side of your box and see that there is a very good need for counselling in pain control also to boot there are very good people that know what they are doing . best regards Oldman1952.

[RealEyes]

Everyone has their own experience with counsellors - I have, for sure, and not all have been beneficial to me. I like to think there is something to learn from every one I encounter - as counsellors, too are only human and also get triggered - whether they know it or not. Being honest to ones self is one of the biggest challenges I have found in my life. Being Self Aware is truly a gift we give ourselves ... especially as we age, I think. Thanks for sharing one's thoughts every one ... life is a mix of soo many experiences there is soo much to learn from them, given the courage to explore and be willing to see things differently - not always easy, that is For Sure. All the best and thx again every one for sharing here! **

[Hatty1955]

youtu.be/Re3PncX2Dcg(Not working as expected?)

Hi, I watch a lot of this man Robert Smith on YouTube. It's all about emotional freedom. I hope you find it helpful and interesting.

[RealEyes]

Thanks for sharing Hatty - I will check him out. **