Just tried to post something and pressed the wrong button and it all disappeared - just about sums up my luck this week.
To cut a long story short, I had my pain clinic follow up this week, after a 6 month break because things were going so well. I'd had this little daydream where I was going to walk in and ask to be discharged because I felt I just didn't need the help anymore.
Then things started going pear-shaped.
I was resigned to having more botox, in fact I was just keen for them to get on with it in the end. I'm not bothered about injections these days, it doesn't even hurt that much.
Only this time it REALLY HURT - I'm not exaggerating, if you'd asked me to rate it on a pain chart I'd have said 10/10 and then some. The doctor said it was probably because I'd got stiff. I was so shaken up they wouldn't let me leave the clinic for a while - not that I felt up to going anywhere.
That'll teach me to be optimistic.
I told them about the daydream, and then the tears finally came. I have to say they were wonderful - tissues and hugs came out of nowhere. It's that kindness that makes all the difference (I gave them top marks on the patient satisfaction questionnaire).
So back to the usual. As well as the post-botox fatigue and aching, and a few other little problems that life is chucking in my direction, I am feeling worn down again.
I'm clinging to what one of the nurses said when I asked if patients ever did get discharged : "some people do get better. You never know..."