I feel the need to share with you all, as you are the only people who will actually get how i am feeling today.
When i was having treatment at the Christie hospital I met a young girl (I say young because she was my own age) She was called Louise, I struck up a conversation with her because we kept smiling at each other. Turned out that she lived about 10 mins away from me. She kept on saying she recognised Mark and she couldnt place where she had seen him before. Anyway as we chatted on it turned out that she was Marks sisters best friends niece and that the reason she recognised us was because we had met before at a function. We talked most of the day. She told me she had ovarian cancer but that it had spread to different places and that she had been battling for about 5 years. But boy did she look good shes very pretty. Its funny that after that day i never saw her at the Christie again. But I saw her aunite a lot whenever I went to Marks Sisters. she always said Louise had asked how i was doing and i always sent my love back to her.
About 10 mins ago i got a phone call from Julie ( Marks Sister) She rang to tell me that Louise is losing her fight and that last weds They said that she wouldn't last the week. She is still hanging on but it is only a matter of time. I am sat in my office (alone) crying as i write this blogg to you all. I am so angry that this god damn disease is destroying so many lives on a daily/hourly basis... I have a mixture of emotion of upset and anger and guilt..
Im upset for louise, Im angry that this awful sh***y disease is still winning. And the guilt comes from me being in remission, What makes me so special that someone as nice and decent and beautiful as Louise cant beat it but i can!!!! I cant make any sense of this. And at the moment i feel very sad and very alone with my mixed emotions.
Cyber hugs are so needed ladies.
Lots of love.