Having adown day

Sorry girls! Take no notice! Most of my probs are to do with refusal to grow old gracefully! Cannot take the failure of the epidural to reduce the pain, not unendurable but wearing! And I drink too much red wine! It is OK! only a bottle or two a week, as daughter of a 'heavy drinker' and an alchoholic I am wary of going too far!

Tonight, however, I hate f eeling as I do, particularly being old and undesirable and the colostomy does not help!

Moan over! Please do not feel the need to resond! The beauty of this site is to be able to sound off without being told to shut up!

Thank you all for being there!

56 Replies

  • Don't worry about the wine! Think of it as the Meditteranean diet, Pain is extremely wearing. It is particularly horrible when you don't have effective pain relief. I have periodic back pain that really needs morphine and when it comes I often have a drink or two at night - and months pass without me drinking anything. (One of the few positives of OC is that a scan picked up the cause - disc problems.)

    Just cocoon, do whatever makes you happy for a day or too. You deserve it.

    Hugs Cx

  • Love it chrys! LOL! No idea what will work!

  • Dear Margaret

    You're far from undesirable but I think you're a little down lately. I wish I could magic a remedy for you. Wine is good, especially red wine, and lots of us drink more than we should.

    I'm not sure it's terribly interesting to grow old gracefully. I've known people of 30 who are old. I, for one, will not be able to cope with growing old and infirm. Whenever I get a bit fed up about the beastly Ovarian Cancer I think of this and contemplate whether I could bear the alternative. I shall be disgraceful to the day I die and I think you will too.

    Do use the Personal Message facility. We're here for you. Bon courage mon cherie.

    Loads of love xxx Annie

  • Dear Annie! Always so good! I, on the other hand am not! I get down from time to time, espescially when i cannot control my bodily functions! I am still in the market but, regretably, there are no interesting takers! LOL! Most men of my age are excruciatingly BORING! Sorry girls but you do not stop feeling desire at any age!

    Love you all!

    Thanks for your suport!

  • I realy am down butdo not let it affect you! I needed a way to rid myself of negativity! I hatevgetting old and most of my age group here seems to be represented by their children! I am intelligent, educated and knowlegeable and I feel isolated! So stupid I know!

  • What about a course in something? I rather fancy going back to studying. My subject of choice would be French. Having completed a degree in my thirties there were compromises to be made. I rather like having the freedom to choose what I want to do now. xx

  • I have a BA, PGCE, MA by research a CELTA QUALIFICATION and did 2years of a DPhil in my early 60's gave up in favour of visiting my new grandson! I have been learning piano for 14 years but the last 3 have been eratic and I am trying to get back into daily practice. I really should get out my Becherelle's and revive my French! A formal

    I also started a book group with my social group and undertake theatre bookings! I have a subscription to Opera North, go to the cinema most weeks and see most productions at theatre Royal in York. Finding time for a regular commitment could be difficult!

    I get 'down' at night when I cannot sleep!

    Now to hang out the washing and do the piano practice!

    Love M xxxxxxxxxx

  • Dear Margaret, I didn't intend to infer that you needed more qualifications - I just thought it's good to join a course to meet like-minded people.

    We seem to have so much in common. I belong to a book group. We generally meet up once a month having chosen a French work of fiction - only drawback for me is that I'd prefer to read the classics - the group favour modern fiction. It's good all the same and I enjoy our sessions.

    I love the opera - and we talked about this months back when I first joined the site. When I was in the cinema last week they were advertising opera from New York and we thought we'd enjoy that.

    Did you see Untouchable? Martin really enjoyed it too. It's available as a download and might cheer up a long dark night if you're finding sleep eludes you.

    My I-Pad is invaluable for night-time distraction. I love the way the screen can be adjusted for night-reading so I can read in bed without turning the light on.

    Sadly I don't get to the theatre as much as I'd like as Cardiff isn't on a decent tour which is a shame given we have several theatres. It means we have to go to Bath, London or Stratford-on-Avon to avoid GCSE texts or musicals.

    You're even learning the piano. I took this up again at the age of 30 and enjoyed it. The piano went to a good home a few years back after the children left home and it was no longer played. I still have their flute and clarinet - perhaps I should put my hand to them? As you say, the days are very full. I finished work at the end of July and I'm on garden leave until end January 2013. I don't know how I ever fitted work in!

    Hope you're having better nights these days. xxxx love Annie

  • No its not stupid I often feel like that as well. Have a hug (())

  • Thanks! So good not to feel isolated!

    M xxxxxxxx

  • Ageing does not make one more respectable or more right wing! i am angrythat I cannot make enough difference! Take no notice! I am justmuserable tonight


  • I hate getting old too, and have no children, so no-one but me to look after me. I sometimes think being intelligent and educated is not as desirable as having a simple belief and faith and acceptance. (Not that faith and intelligence are mutually exclusive!!!!!!) But it can make you analyse, question and ruminate too much. The red wine is good. It can make everything seem softer and it helps with sleep for a while. Be kind to yourself. Remember you can rant away on here. We cannot offer answers but we can sympathise and offer our virtual hugs. Try and think if a little treat for yourself tomorrow. Even if it's justblisteningbto a beautiful piece of music or watching a fun programme on TV. Sometimes I have found that having a really foul-mouthed rant, written on a piece of paper, then screwing it up and shredding it, before anyone can see what a mad old bat I am, helps a bit! Give it a try! You'll have fun thinking of the insults and 'creative' language!

    Love n hugs Wendy xx

  • Hi Wendy,

    As a Christian I feel I must come in on your remark Wendy, you might already know that I have a faith... this does not make me unintelligent or undesirable...I feel I can be intelligent and have a "simple faith" as you put it ... this does not take away my intelligence... I don't feel the need to defend "God" as I don't think He requires me to do this...but I am required to stand up for what I believe...it is not a "get out clause" either or an easy path to take or a "crutch" that some might think it is..my faith at times has been sorely tested...but being a "Christian" and my belief in God and the fact that Jesus died for me is a choice and path that I have accepted....which is open to us all..we all have a free will to accept this...but to suggest that this decision I have made to follow Jesus is not intellegently thought through is wrong... I became a Christian many years ago... a decision I did not take lightly...many times I have let God down but can honestly say He has never let me down...I also would like to say that I am not religious in any way...and being a Christian is a personal faith that doesn't require me to do things in repetition (as in religion) but nonetheless is a way of life that I have chosen love x G x :-)

  • Must admit G I have never found the possession of faith or not was in any way connected to intelligence! I envy those with faith!

    Love M

  • Hi Wendy cant imagine you writing rants on a piece of paper you always seems so calm and relaxed. Love Babs x

  • Oh nooooooo! I often feel a rant coming on, boy racers, litter, bad manners, government intervention in primary schools, ageism, it can all get me going. I just think it's better to get it out of our systems - hence the shredded paper trick;-) That's what is great about this site. We can 'get it off our chests' amongst friends.

    More importantly, I guess your op is not going ahead today, but if it is, all the very best of luck. I will be sending you good wishes for whenever it goes ahead. Hope you get it done soon.

    Love Wendy xx :-)

  • oooh, I love a rant Wendy - particularly those who litter and are bad mannered.

    Another thing that incenses me is drivers who think they own the road and ignore the law (such as using mobile phones when driving) because they're likely to cause accidents and hurt people. If a car gets too near me on my bike I give it a thump.

    These meandering thoughts probably aren't helping Margaret today. Wish I could send some good cheer up to York. How about we take ourselves off to watch a real feel-good film. My choice would be Intouchables - out this week in some cinemas. It just shows how there's fun and laughter for even the most physically challenged and lonely people.


  • Oh yes they are! It is good to know I am not alone! As for pet rants I hate pedestrians who wander around glued to their mobile phones. Walk into the road And all over the pavement without looking (as motorist, pedestrian and cyclist I hate this habit). In agony today! Lots of bad lanpguage to shred! LOL!

  • I wish you could get some decent pain-killers. Martin's agreed to see Intouchables with me. We're going along this evening. Hope you can get to see it as it really is uplifting. Perhaps you should advertise for an assistant. ho ho - you'd need to see the film to enjoy that little aside. xxx

  • I shall check whether it is on at City Screen! Must see it!

  • Hope the shredding helps, really let fly, Margaret. I wish I could send you a magic pain reliever via the airwaves.

    Can only send a hug (((xxx)))

    Luv W xx

  • I thought when I wrote it that I had probably not expressed very clearly what my meaning is! I have faith, too. It's just that 'reason' sometimes gets in the way of it. There have been loads of Christian writers who have pondered on this. I certainly would never belittle anyone's faith. It's an important part of so many lives, much better and wiser than mine.

    Love Wendy xx

  • Hi Wendy,

    i should be thanking you... you gave me an opportunity to talk about my faith...that I wouldn't otherwise have got...so don't feel bad about this...but it might have lead others to come to this conclusion... so thought it best to address the balance in these times of P.C. .....It is often a misconception that somehow Christians are a little bit soft (not just in the head) we are the same as anyone else...and perhaps ponder things a lot deeper than what one might think.

    The last thing I would want to do is fall out with my lovely friend Wendy.. and I knew that you were just being your usual encouraging self...this is what I like about you.

    Love x G x :-/ ;-) :-)

  • Thanks Gwyn, I have a strong belief, myself, and agree with you that the practicalities of living life in the Christian way, ie loving others as yourself, is a wonderful way to live. I did say, in my original posting, that faith and intelligence are not mutually exclusive. What intelligence we have, allows us to seek and question! You are right in that the two things can be combined, and often are......

    I love a good debate, too, so it's always good to air our views

    Love Wendy ;-) xx

  • Hi Wendy,

    Haha...It was late and sorry that I seem to have read it in the wrong way,the word to remember is "Not" but your explanation above does make more sense, I should have known you wouldn't have meant it any other way.... and I am sorry if I caused you offence with my wrong interpretation of it....but as you say a good debate and thank you for that lots of love x G x :-)

  • No offence taken, Gwyn:-) I am always looking to understand more .......B-)

    Luv W xx

  • Well, if we're having a debate and airing views on this rainy wet day, I've always wondered why God is a man and why women seem to be ... well there's no other word for it ... abused. Of all the religions I've come across I'm attracted to Buddism and Hinduism. I like Buddism even though Buddha is a man and I've just questioned that. He appears to be nice and round and jolly and not inclined to instigate crusades which led Christians to kill thousands of innocent people, or indeed fatwa which seem to be doing much the same thing. Oooh I'm being very risky here but I don't mean to offend anyone. The reason I was attracted by Hinduism, which I explored a bit when I visited Kolkata, is that they see a god in all things. Both religions seem to me to have a gentle philosophy and harmony that is so important for us all if we're to live in peace with one another.

    I think it's good to have a faith but I don't get too hung up about the detail because it seems to me that what you believe in is largely determined by where you're born. Would we be in heaven, I wonder, if all the different religions put aside their differences and worshipped together. xxx

  • Hi Annie,

    As far as I am concerned all religions have good and bad points which leads me to say I am not religious in any way shape or form.....I feel religion is dangerous...and won't and don't go there...and the word god or gods in small letters is my case in point... but each to their own we will be surprised one day....you know the saying don't argue about religion or politics and not being religous or political I don't..... you see if people can't see that I am different there is no point in me telling them is there?

    Love x G x :-) ( no sunglasses today wet!wet! wet! ) :-/ ;-)

  • I think we're singing from the same hymn sheet Gwyn - couldn't resist the religious reference. lol xxx -:)

  • Oh yes! I forgot to say the issue was about "intelligence" and not "religion" and that too is debatable haha love x G x :-)

  • Talking of both.......have either of you read 'The Shack' by William Paul Young, it's really interesting, religion and intelligence......and thoughts that might appeal. A really interesting book. I must read it again, come to think.....

    Love Wendy xx

  • I won't go into this one Wendy LOL as I don't agree with it ...oops !!! but each to their own love x G x ;-)

  • Sorry to join in... But I've read The Shack. Like you it was a while ago now. It was a thought provoking read. Very American which I wasn't completely comfortable with but overall uplifting.

    I am reading Bring up the Bodies at the moment. Strong stuff as my Mother would say.

    Love Sarah

  • Hi Sarah - I've just had a look at the review of Bring up the Bodies. Looks a great book so will be another one to download for me. Thanks for the recommendation. xx

  • Probably best to have a go at Wolf Hall first as it is the first part of the story. Reading in bed at the end of the day is one of those simple pleasures.

  • Have just downloaded Wolf Hall. The I-pad's brilliant for night-time reading if I can't sleep as I do't need the light on. Thanks for the recommendation. X Annie

  • Oh thanks for the recommendation Wendy. I'm reading a dreary ebook at the moment. Terribly badly written - Shades of Grey. I hadn't done my homework and didn't realise what trash I was buying.

    I'll download your suggestion as I could do with something decent to read. Good for the rainy weather. Any more recommendations ladies? I bet Margaret has some good reads in mind. xxx

  • Refused to spend money on Shades of Grey! Read the Story of O in the 70's and hated that! Don't really go for S&M ! Even de Sade's original!


  • oh yes I did wade through the first half of the Marquis de Sade until it sickened me so much I put it down. It was at least written consistently. I can't believe Grey is the biggest grossing e-book when there's so much decent stuff about.

    What's your recommendation?

  • Not really a cheer you up book, more a make you think one! I disagreed very much with some parts but found lots of thought-provoking ideas. Some of my friends have read it and hated it :-( so judge for yourself :-O

  • Thank you all! I feel much better again this morning, though the pain is still an annoyance, the red wine helped me to sleep (I had had several broken nights with nightmares when I did drop off) I see the pain consultant again next month and I think that he is going to suggest referring me for an op to pin the vertebrae and stabilise the spine! Has anyone else had this done or does anyone know someone who has? I am wary of more surgery unless it is really likely to cure the pain and restore my mobility.

  • Dear Margaret, I have two friends who had a disc removed and the spine fused together. Both are much more comfortable for having the op. Pain is ghastly at night and you must be worried to have nightmares.

    I think you need a good holiday. Somewhere where you can relax in the warm - but probably first the back needs sorting out and the head will follow. xxx love to you

  • Heard a good comment recently. We are all just on different buses going to the same terminus.


  • Hi Sue,

    Hummmmm! I hope not LoL (depends where the terminus is) love x G x ;-)

  • Magical mystery tour!!!!

  • Sooooo glad I am not on that bus then !!!!

  • I'll join you. Bet Margaret would too! lol

  • ha ha, not sure I like the connotion of terminus Sue! xxxx

  • How true Sue!

  • Hi Margaret

    So sorry you have been so down recently. Pain does does pull you further and further making all molehills huge.

    People who are worth it see you for yourself, lively and interesting to talk to, someone who cares. They don't see your colostomy and you certainly aren't old. If you are so are a lot of us, I think we are all really interesting and I wish I knew others on this site for real including you. Actually you make me feel dull and boring you are so full of get up and go.

    It's actually very brave to rant too!!!

    Luv'n'big hugs


  • Thanks Sue! Just occasionally my 'get up and go' does just that! LOL! I have just been out and bought a new food prcessor as my old one packed up and I do use it a lot!


  • There's nothing like a new gadget. That would cheer me up immensely. I bought a Nespresso Pixie Coffee Maker when the work on my kitchen started. It makes the most delicious coffee I've ever tasted. Perfect every time. Only problem now is that I've become fussy and critical about coffee in cafés. Given the extent of the building work and destruction to my kitchen, my sole cup of coffee per day is the one bit of sanity I still have. xx

  • Well said Sue. Hope it cheers you up Margaret. xxx

  • Hi Margaret, your thread got a bit diverted earlier, but I am so pleased you feel a bit more hopeful today. Your rant certainly got us all talking. There you are.....you are an interesting, intelligent lady who is not old in her head. Hope the back problem gets sorted

    Love n hugs

    Wendy xx

  • Hello there Margaret ...

    Not checked anything for a day ... so I was very sorry to read your epidural has not helped at all ..

    Enjoy the red wine .. a good relaxing tonic which you deserve ..and look at all the threads you got going on here ..could not agree with our Wendy more ..... ( ) Hug ..I still have yet to do the faces ....

    Love Jan xxx

  • Hi all! I resemble a yoyo at present! Up and down then up again! LOL! I have just done 2 loads of washing, ironed last week's stuff & thoroughly cleaned the kitchen! Yesterday I went out for lunch, came home, used the TENS machine, then went to a performance of The Guinea Pig Club! Uncomfortable to sit but a great production!

    Allin all I am currently "up"!

    Love M xxxxxx

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