Libido

[Bobbyo1]

Just a question I had dianosis seven years ago but since then my and my husband have not had sex we have cuddles but my husband and I have no libido my husband has type 2 diabetes and has thrush problems since I had my operation which was not the debulk he is frightened he will hurt me I also now got a growth on my renal vein which causes me back pain I know we say it does not bother us but I just wonder if many women and men are experiencing thisxx

[Desertrose62]

Hi there, it’s common for men who have diabetes to experience a drop in libido and or erectile distinction and I’m wondering if your husband is going through this and doesn’t want to tell you hence him saying he’s afraid to hurt you if you make love. Also the thrush he’s experiencing could be a side effect of his diabetes and you may just have been passing it back and forth to each other.

General loss of Libido? Yes. I think it’s very common when illness is involved and I know that mine is non existent and at just 63 I’m looking forward to it coming back. However, I don’t think it will just magically reappear one day and I genuinely believe if you don’t use it you lose it so to speak and that an active love life needs working at.

That’s not to say though that people can’t be happy in an relationship where there isn’t any sex involved but both of them really need to be on the same page about it in order for testament not to set in.

I think I’d start trying to sort things out by talking about it with each other and trying to find out if anyone feels any of the usual stirrings at all even if it’s just. when they’re alone.

[Desertrose62 in reply to Desertrose62]

Sorry that should be erectile disfunction . Not distinction.

[Bobbyo1 in reply to Desertrose62]

Thankyouxx

[Jenjill47]

HI Bobby, we are in a similar situation. I have lost all sexual desire (aged 73). My husband too (same age). Deep down I worry about it because he is the most amazing person in regard to caring for me and he used to enjoy our intimacy. What I worry about too is that we haven't had an open conversation about it. I wonder if I am depriving him of sexual joy. The way I feel right now (stage 4 endometrial ca) I have a hard time, just cuddling and being affectionate.

[lesleysage]

Hello, Bobbyo1,

One of Ovacome's webinars is on Sex and intimate health after surgery. This is the link to the list of webinars they offer. ovacome.org.uk/webinar-reco.... There is also the list on their post of either yesterday or Thursday.

Anyway, I hope they help. Or, because the webinars have been developed in response to questions and chats with both members and non-members, if you wanted to talk with the Support Line. you could try them on their freephone 0800 008 7054 or the other ways for contact they offer....see Ovacome's website. L x

[SASSY196 in reply to lesleysage]

Thank you really helpful

[SUE7777]

Hi, There are a couple of good web cam recordings well worth watching which might help on this link ovacome.org.uk/webinar-reco... hope it helps. Sue xx

[SASSY196]

I am so pleased that you have posted this intimate question as I wanted to post one a while ago and didn't have the courage- thank you I hope my answer is not too full or frank as would not want to embarrass or offend but think these conversations are very important. I think the importance of sex various between couples and as long as you both know and agree where you are that's ok. I am now 54, my husband 62. It was 18 months ago that the *****we struck, in September 2018. Like most here I had extensive surgery including a radical hysterectomy.

For me and my husband it was important to try to resume a sexual relationship , I wanted to feel and give that intimacacy and I would say I led on conversation's ( but I do on most things!) but I think we were both very scared and yes my libido was gone ( as was his through non use). My husband also needs a tablet to 'help him out' so that complicated the spontaneity of the moment.

I checked with drs that I was physically ok and post chemo - about 3/4 months after surgery we began to actively restart our sex life. We took a gradual approach, building up to the full act as it were and we very gently got there- mainly I would say we had fun trying ( linclufing lovely showers together) and intimate moments. There was failure and anxiety along the way but that also led to lovely tender moments with cuddles. My ability to be ' satisfied' is not as good as it used to be and we invested in a small vibrator to support with this. I also got some chemical free cream to smooth things out! I was on Avastin and have a slipped disc, oateopenia and arthritis in a shoulder so we used pillows to support positioning when needed

For us the effort we put in paid off, we are not frequently active but we have some lovely shared moments. I'm back on chemo, next weekend - week before monthly chemo I'm thinking I'll be at my best and non toxic and all being well I will be suggesting a lovely intimate Sunday afternoon ( when I'm least likely to be tired) because as long as possible I want to try to have those moments.

However if it's not a possibility or a desire I think that's of course fine and intimacy can be found in other way or not at all if it is not wanted. There are I'm sure many wonderful relationships and marriages without sex as a feature.

In your relationship there is are issues because of thrush and those caused by type2 diabetes / your back which you may or may not be able to overcome but if you wanted to maybe you could find intimacy in another way- A bath together or him sitting by your bath and gently washing you or vv, a naked or clothed lie together, a massage or a snuggle on the settee etc etc

I do wish you the very best and am thinking how wonderful it is that you sound as you are doing so well being 7 years post diagnosis and again well done for raising this very important topic

Sara xxx

[Bobbyo1 in reply to SASSY196]

Thankyou you for answering it not a thing that's discussed we have a long marriage of nearly 49 years my husband did discuss this as I thought it was bothering him he has since been to the doctor and he may have to be circumcised but as you say to try little things unfortunately we have no bath but thanks once againxx

[SASSY196 in reply to Bobbyo1]

I was also thinking maybe another approach could be to just start with a little romance unless you do already. For example you can buy online restaurant prepped meals, pop a few candles on/ turn down the lights or now COVID restrictions reducing ( if in UK) and you are confident go out for dinner or have a special picnic etc etc Or put some slow music on and have a dance.

[Bobbyo1 in reply to SASSY196]

We go up our caravan when open we the most of it meals events extra but thanks for the advice apprecciate itxx

[SASSY196 in reply to Bobbyo1]

Sounds lovely. All opening soon.x

[Pianoplayer731021]

Hi, our libido naturally goes down after menopause. When we combine cancer treatments with aging, it is harder to achieve that sexual intimacy. I’m 74 and husband is 76. I understand what’s going on. Take care, cuddles are good. Donna xx Thankful that I have a loving husband no matter what happens in life. USA 🇺🇸