I don't know where to start. I had ovarian cancer almost 15 years ago, at 18. I'm almost 33.
Background...
Long story, short... Had a 12 inch tumour removed with some difficulties, was given 6 cycles of BEP chemo and then had further operations on my remaining ovary due to finding cysts. Then had several further operations for hernias etc due to treatment and previous cancer related operations.
But anyway.... I'm now at a point in my life where I'm in a happy, stable relationship and we're trying for a baby. I've been loosing weight, taking Preconception tablets, tracking my ovulation. Literally trying to do whatever I can to get pregnant. I haven't ovulated for 2 months. I'm obvsiously thinking the worse. We've been trying on and off for about 18 months....regualrly trying for the last 7.
My doctor has said that I can have an appointment with the feritly team after 12 continuous months.
But I'm a mess, I think about it constantly. I feel broken and useless. I've wanted to have a baby since I was 18, but haven't been in a position to do so.
A friend of mine that is pregnant came to stay with me this weekend and I feel awful. I'm happy for her, I really am. But I've struggled all weekend. She's spoken about it constantly, mentioned it at every possible opening, obvsiously because she beaming. But it's crushed me, like seriously CRUSHED. I couldn't tell her how I was feeling because I would never want to take that away from anyone. But I'm a mess.
I guess I just wanted to talk to people who have had similar experiences, people who understand and maybe can give advice. I hate feel like this, I feel like cancer has won.
Thank you to anyone who has read this.
Kara
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The most heartbreaking moment for me came last year, when my beloved daughter, who had just turned 42, told me she really wanted to have a child.
But with me struggling with Ovarian Cancer, and my sister struggling with breast cancer, and all three of us BRCA 1 positive, she had no choice, but to give up and have risk reduction surgery.
She had passed the age, when IVF could be considered.
She wept and wept and broke my heart.
That’s all I want to say.
You are far too young to suffer this blow.
But give it the full 12 months and maybe there will be hope for you.
Hello Kara, I'm so sorry to read your sad story. Thankfully my cancer came when I was far too old to have children. I am lucky that I have four children and had no problems with conception. Like you I had wanted a baby since I was 18. Well, since I was a little girl, actually. I can only imagine the stress and sadness you must be feeling and I just want to send my sympathy. It must have been really hard having your friend so thrilled with being pregnant actually staying with you. I know from friends how fraught life can be when trying for a baby with no success. Try not to let it take over your life, though. Easier said than done. Would it maybe help if you actually stopped trying for a baby for a while until you are nearer the time you can be referred to the fertility team? Just enjoy making love when you feel like it and not to a calendar's dictat.
I'm sorry if anything I have said is insensitive, Kara. I just want to sympathise with you. Sending love and a big hug. Keep your chin up, Solange 😊🤞
You havent said anything insensitive. You've been so lovely, such kind words. I think I really just needed to unload... To people who understand. I just felt like such an awful person.
I've never thought about coming on a forum until my mom suggested it. The support is amazing.
Thank you for replying to me and tha k you for your suggestion. Ill run it past my partner.
You were so young for such a devastating diagnosis but you’re still here with us so that’s the upside. Following your treatments and surgeries did they talk to you about your ongoing fertility and the possibilities of conceiving?
I was post menopausal when I got my diagnosis so my fertility was the last thing on my mind. I had my two boy, they were born nearly 5 years apart. The reason I tell you this is that we decided, when the eldest was 18 months old, that we wanted a sibling for him. It took quite some time to conceive and our GP suggested we stop ‘trying’. What he was trying to tell us was that you can try too hard and also that the monthly wait and see isn’t good for us. I may be wrong but I believe that quality is better than quantity (ie have sex slightly less often and let reserves increase so they’re of stronger and better quality when it comes to sperm)? I’m sure somebody with better knowledge will put me right if I’m incorrect with this. If you’re not ovulating though I don’t think a pregnancy is possible so your non ovulation needs addressing first.
In real terms you’ve not been trying for long and it is taking over your life and that in itself can be counter productive for your long term good mental health.
I hope that once the 12 month period is over that the fertility team can help if you aren’t successful in the interim period. Do not beat yourself up, we are all here for you and will support you through this. Take care ❤️Xx Jane
They didn't really mention it much at the time. Just that I'd be eligible for certain treatments. I begged them to removed everything so I would have to worry about it returning, but they obviously wouldn't do that to someone my (then) age.
I'm definately putting too much pressure on myself.
I am really sorry for you and your story but most of all try to be patient and strong God is great.
My sister is 23y old diagnosed with stage 3 ovarian cancer they doubt is due to BRCA (tests being done), she will have a total hysterectomy and she won’t be able to have children while that was the only thing that she wanted, at least you are still alive even tho its not easy for you. I hope my sister reaches your age and hopefully she will do it.
Be strong and thankful of what you have and you will always feel better.
I'm sorry to hear you are having such a distressing time at the moment. As you will see from the replies you've had from our members, My Ovacome is a kind and supportive space for you to share your worries.
I just wanted to share some information with you which might be helpful. A lot of these charities are for infertility as well as fertility, so please don't click on them if you think that would be too upsetting. Please know that I am not suggesting you are infertile, it is only that most information sources focus on both fertility and infertility issues.
Shine Cancer Support supports adults in their 20s, 30s and 40s who have experienced a cancer diagnosis. They have information on fertility here: shinecancersupport.org/info...
Fertility Friends is an online forum and although they say it is a forum for infertility, looking at the discussions there is a wide variety of topics so this may still be useful for you: fertilityfriends.co.uk/
Our Younger Women's Guide includes information on fertility. It does tend to focus more on infertility so may not have the information you are looking for, but it does have a lot of information and is available here: ovacome.org.uk/a-younger-wo...
I hope this is useful. Please do get in touch if there is anything we can help with.
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