Anyone out there sick and tired of friendly, and sometimes quite pushy, advice on what you should be doing to be cured of cancer. From specific diet regimes to YouTube links like ‘Jews don’t get cancer’ and a whole range in between. I find it interesting that it is always the healthy ones getting very excited and convinced about those cures, and not the ones that do have cancer. Everyone thinks they know the secret and we have cancer because we don’t want to adopt their solution. It just makes me feel lonely.
Or am I too sceptical? Your thoughts?
Much love to all of you.
Written by
Grace-53
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Totally, Totally, get where you are coming from. I tend to ignore, pull a face and think 'wait until it happens to you ' - not that I'd wish what we go through on ANYONE. xx Kathy xx
'My friend refused chemo 8 years ago and she's still fit and healthy' is quite irritating. Especially when it turns out she has had several major ops instead. Anyway, must go and grind my ginger and floor-sweeping breakfast...
Totally with you. Have just been talking to a friend about this. It's not about what the others say really, it's about listening to your own voice. I am at the stage (5th line) where I wonder if chemo is doing me more harm than good - I notice friends are keen for me to continue but my body is saying it doesn't want it!
Hi Grace. I think we all have this problem. Initially, I tried to console myself by telling myself they just don't know what to say to us and they just want to help. But it puts us in the position then of not knowing what to say to them, as we don't really want to insult/upset them. So anyway, here's the ten things not to say to someone with cancer.
1. You are so brave.
2. But you don't look sick.
3. You can beat this - you're a fighter.
4. Have you tried Gerson/juicing/a diet of 80% raw carrot etc, my great aunt's de facto partner's sister in Brazil was cured by that !
5. You just have to be positive. It's not good for you to be stressed.
6. You need to find God, Krishna etc.
7. Everything happens for a reason.
8. I understand how you feel; I had a lump in my breast/blood in my poo etc, but it turned out to be a cyst, pile etc.
9. Did you smoke, drink, eat a bad diet?
10. Nothing.
Best wishes to you all and enjoy those raw carrots. Pauline.
1, 2, 3 and 5 are the ones I hear the most. I know people mean well, but if I had £1 for every time someone has said any of those to me, I would be a very rich woman!
Totally agree, we’ve had some input here too from a small minority of people who say we just need to think ourselves better or eat certain stuff, we’ve even had some input from one person who said he beat cancer without using medical help but when you look into his profile on various media’s he has had major surgery 😬🤔, the fact he was selling his book and all it’s allied products was somewhat telling. These people pray on our vulnerability at a time when we least need it. There are so many theories and ideas out there but ultimately we know what we need to do for what’s best for us. In no way are you too sceptical you’re realistic and we’re right here with you, you don’t need to feel lonely we’re here lovely ❤️xx Jane
On a slightly different track, the lady who told me how lucky I was to have curls again, and how much she envied me, was totally unfazed when i told her the easiest way was to get cancer and go through a course of chemo.
I had a colleague who said that it was really worth all the surgery and chemo to get my lovely curls 😬 there are many idiots out there and they walk amongst us unfortunately. The curls didn’t last and neither did my relationship with the now ex colleague😂. ❤️Xx Jane
I couldn't agree more with you girls. Yet I have to admit my own guilt. A year and a bit before my own diagnosis, I couldn't grasp why my mum didn't want to continue taking Tamoxifen after breast cancer surgery and radiotherapy, because I'd googled some study results up suggesting a 5 pc increased 5 yr survival chance. I completely blocked out her unbearable joint pains.
Well she stopped Tamoxifen and - after two different cancer diagnoses only months apart, stage 2 and 3 - she's been cancer free for over 5 years now and I have recurred. That'll learn me, as they say 😁.
To be fair, she's been doing the same thing to me, lol. 'You should really push for IP chemo.. I have a friend who is a doctor who says that works really well.'.. Mom, mine is a chemo resistant cancer...😏
If positivity cured cancer, I would never have got it in the first place! I am seriously the most positive, grateful and optimistic person I know...and look where it got me 😂
Drives me nuts! So much so, that I wrote a blog on what NOT to say to someone with cancer! And what we would really like to reply and a more skillful reply. Big hugs from Australia.
A ‘friend’ sent a Xmas card saying ‘it’s a shame you won’t try anything alternative. I did and my cancer didn’t come back’ she’s been crossed off my Xmas card list!
Yes this is the one thing that really upsets me. I don’t mind people who don’t know what to say or who inadvertently say the wrong thing but the miracle cures really rile me. Even after explaining that cannabis oil can interfere with cancer treatment and that I cannot take supplements while on a clinical trial the youtube links keep coming. It upsets me because it brings doubts that I am on the right treatment. I had a consultation with a top oncologist in London and I asked if she had any dietary advice. The answer was “ no”.
I try to remember that most advice is coming from a good place. People want to help, or say something supportive. However, after 3 years, I am a bit tired of some of the comments. Despite trying lots of different things after my first line of treatment, it still came back twice, and this second recurrence has led me to be on my 5th line of treatment...it’s a persistent b*gger and isn’t taking the hint!
Recently our Teal Sister’s coffee group was meeting and we had two new members. This was the first time they had been with like minded women and were very excited to share their experiences. After a little while one commented that she when people would say how good she looked she wanted to punch them in the face! We all agreed, but of course we wouldn’t do it!
Blimey,with you guys on this one, big time. Fortunately, I'm told I'm so formidable that most people back off or don't force their stories/fables/advice onto me, or only try it once. I think the thing that drove me mad more than anything was people saying fairly casually, 'oh, my uncle/grandma/aunt/work colleague has cancer and she/he just has a bit of chemo every now and then and they're fine'. After taking a really deep breath and counting to ten, I ask questions like, which cancer (they often don't know), or if they say, maybe, liver cancer, I ask what stage it is and what chemo they're having... and they don't know. But its still totally exasperating... nothing like a bit of almost total ignorance to make people think they can dish out advice, is there...
And as for 'being positive' and 'you must fight', I'm surprised I haven't yet knocked somebody's block off ... I don't think about my cancer like that. My cancer is simply my own cells gone rogue, its not some alien invader from the planet Zog that can be vanquished by a light sabre battle. I also don't like the latest MacMillan campaign, the 'cancer doesn't care about you' one, because it still implies the cancer is some sort of exterior evil monster that's decided to attack you, you poor thing.... Half of us get cancer of some sort, and, apart from those with pre-determined genetic causes, most cancers are likely linked with a replication fault in the genes/cells, possibly or probably caused by exogenous things like various pollutants; in the air, in our food, in our water and so on. I was a landscape gardener for almost 40 years, and I've lost count of the number of pesticides and chemicals I've been exposed to during that time, many of which have now been withdrawn because they proved to be carcinogenic. Plus there is an apparent link between using non stick cookware and ovarian cancer in particular - bit bloomin' late to tell me that now, isn't it, i've used non stick pans all my adult life. My cancer, I feel, is more a result of just having lived and sod's law than being something that's attacked me.
And there is a whole community of people who believe that sugar is the devil incarnate if you have cancer, not accepting that most everything we eat turns into glucose anyway, if you don't want your cancer to be supplied with any sugar,then you'd have to not eat anything! And as for things like the bicarb protocol 'cure', well, what can I say ...That said, though, there are people who, for whatever reason, are now cancer free, and have not had classic treatment, or have only had surgery. And its interesting that, in Poland,there are two hospitals in the same city where you can have cancer treatment; one recommends a no sugar, low protein, high veg and fruit (preferably whole food plant based) diet combined with removing things like cleaning products and ordinary toiletries from your environment, just using things like vinegar for cleaning instead, yet using surgery and chemo too. Their recurrence rates are lower and any recurrence takes longer (for any cancer) to arrive when compared to the other hospital, which makes no recommendations of any sort in regard to diet and environmental contaminants. That would suggest these things make a difference to longevity, even if its only by weeks or months...
Miriam
I'm with you all on this. I accept well-meaning comments on how well I look (I take that as a complement given I've got terminal cancer!!!) but the miracle cures .... arrgh, that really @#$%&!@# me off. I do believe eating as well as you can and taking as much exercise as the poor body can handle is helpful for our mental well being and can assist the effectiveness of treatment - that said diet and exercise are no cure.
I will put my faith in the countless clever scientists and clinicians beavering away in labs and hospitals working on the causes, mechanisms and possible solutions to cancer.
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