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New Here & Worried About My Wife

Hi lovelies, I hope I’m not being silly, but I am very worried about my wife, who is having some symptoms, which could possibly be OC. She is 49 and has recently been bloated and putting weight on around her middle, while she appears to have lost weight everywhere else. As the scales don’t say she is losing weight, she says I have nothing to worry about. She told me a few weeks ago that she could feel ‘lumps’ in her tummy when lying down and if she presses on them it feels like her bladder is full. Sometimes during the day she will run to the loo every 15-20 minutes and when she gets up to pee during the night I can hear her struggling to go. The other thing is that she has been starting to complain of being constipated, which has never been a problem for her before (if anything she has always been the opposite). Every time she sits down to watch tv she nods off and I know she has been getting pains in her lower back and down her legs. Whenever I mention being worried about her, she is very dismissive and puts everything down to perimenopausal hormones and laughs it all off, blaming it on her ‘middle-aged bladder. No one in her family has to my knowledge had OC, but both of her maternal grandparents had colon cancer I believe in their 40’s. Finally after much persuasion she has agreed to make a doctor’s appointment, but she sees no urgency for this. Meanwhile I’m unable to sleep for worrying about her and these symptoms she’s having. Am I being daft or am I right to be concerned?

Thanks in advance,

Paula.

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It may be nothing but getting it checked out properly is good practice and she is lucky to have you concerned and looking out for her. Symptoms of ovarian cancer can seem to be so many other things. I think that one of the biggest problems is that even doctors often misdiagnose which happened in my case as I am sure for many others. So maybe make sure she goes to someone that is versed in the field rather than just someone who happens to be a physician. The first doctor I went to told me to get some over the counter anti diarrhea medication and my cancer consequently went undiagnosed for some time that was preciously wasted.

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Hello Paula - some of the symptoms you describe could be gynaecological issues but could easily be one of many other conditons, only tests can give you both the reassurance you need. If I were your wife I would be asking the doctor for a CA125 blood test and a CT scan. Unfortunately like Ronlitber I was misdiagnosed and told I had IBS by my doctor, and diverticulitis by another. Be insistent about wanting tests, and don't be fobbed off.

Wishing you all the very best and here's hoping it is nothing serious. Lyn x

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Encourage and support her ( as you are doing so far..).

I was in denial at first thinking also middle age spread, ( but another decade on...). However I knew something wasn't right when I was eating much less but still putting on the weight ( which may well be ascites, or fluid around the abdomen). Combined with a need to wee frequently are two flag up signs that yes she does need to press for the CA 125 test and some initial investigations...

Best to investigate and hope its solvable in a different direction... but action need now.

Let us know the outcome, we are all here to help and support

Janet 🌈

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I think she needs to see a doctor ASAP. Is she afraid of what is wrong? I hope it is menopause!

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Hi. Whilst it may not be serious your wife does need to get this sorted. Have you said how worried you are. The sooner whatever it is is diagnosed the easier it it to treat. I hope your wrong but do try and persuade her to go drs xx Do let us know how you get on xx

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Yes you are right to be concerned.

Oc symptoms are vague and it may turn out to be something else but these things shouldn’t be ignored. Sorry not to be reassuring but it’s better to leap into action now than regret that you did nothing..like me xx

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Even if it’s not OC whatever is causing her symptoms needs investigating and then sorting out.

I was going to the loo frequently and sometimes urgently. I thought it was age also. I didn’t lose any weight either but my tumour was growing and masking weight loss.

Your wife won’t be the first to delay taking action. I think you need to push for that first appointment.

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I also, like many others, put my symptoms down to age related ones. I always avoided the GP’s surgery like the plague!! For me what made me finally go was the swelling around my abdomen, not being able to eat much/feeling full very quickly and then constipation. Like the other ladies on here say, go now and get it checked. I had suffered from IBS all my life so put many of my symptoms down to that and dismissed it. I was diagnosed quickly once I went luckily but my bowel subsequently perforated (added complications) as the cancer had wrapped round it. Let’s hope it’s nothing but best get it checked.

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Hey Paula, your wife is very lucky to have someone like you worrying about her. In my opinion she should be seeing someone asap, hopefully it will turn out to be nothing but as her symptoms are pretty much what most women here experienced she needs to get to a doc soon. Wish you both all the very best.

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Please get her to the doctor .The earlier OC is diagnosed the better your prognosis is

It might be something else but it seems like all the signs and symptoms we try to make people aware of.

And be persistent if you have to be.

Take care 🌻🌻🌻

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Hi Paula, I totally agree with the other ladies. When she visits dr, push for CA125 blood test and mention your fears re OC.

Hope it’s nothing serious, sending best wishes.

Joy

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I'm not a Doc. But the symptoms telling you that something wrong happens.

It may be a colon cancer or a heart problem and you should see your

Doctor for checking what that means A.S.A.P. !

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Thank you all so very much for your kind replies. I think that deep down she is probably worried, but is in denial that there is anything wrong. This is someone I have lived with for 12 years now and I know what is ‘normal’ for her and what clearly isn’t. When her mum was round for dinner last week she admitted that she was experiencing what she described as ‘constant period pain’ and when we are out walking our dog I know she is having back and leg pains, despite her trying to soldier on regardless. What I can’t bring myself to do is to mention the possibility of OC to her, but I have strongly voiced my concerns that she may have ‘some sort of cyst’ which needs sorting out ASAP. Finally she has made an appointment to see our lady GP a week tomorrow (Monday 15th Oct). I would have liked her to go sooner, but she is on a course this week which she has paid for herself and she won’t hear of cancelling. Hopefully I can convince her that having me at her appointment with her will be a good thing as I’m not convinced she will tell the doc everything. Thank you so much once again Lovelies, for all your advice and support and for sharing your own experiences with me. I will of course let you know how we get on next week.

Take care,

Paula xx.

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I hope you are going with her to the appointment. In my experience, its usually men who do this, but people who ignore symptoms and just carry on are generally avoidant, either because they are scared (and who can blame them), or simply prefer not to know until its too late, perhaps not wanting medical interference. Whilst that's her choice to make, the other thing about people like that is, even when they do see a GP, they do not always report all their symptoms, nor ask for specific tests, often downplaying the problems they're having in exactly the way she has with you.

Ovarian cancer is particularly hard to diagnose until its screamingly obvious and thus too late, even if the GP (or in my case, the consultant gynaecologist) knows all the symptoms you have and carries out investigations such as CA125 - but bowel cancer might be a possibility too. Or it might be nothing life threatening at all; increased urination is something that happens during menopause, and lumps in the intestines when laying down can just be hard stool from constipation, but either way, the GP can only act on observation and the information he/she is given - if you are with her, you may be able to 'fill in the gaps' where she is not being entirely honest about what she's experiencing, as well as adding your own observations re her changing body shape, etc.

I hope it all goes well.

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Thank you so much for your reply. I am definitely planning on going with her to the doctor, even if it causes a few crossed words between us. Already enough sleep has been lost on my part over this and I know I need to push it, so we can have the answers we need and to take it from there. Six years ago she had a bad ankle sprain and she subsequently ended up in hospital with a DVT and pulmonary embolism. She could hardly breathe and even then I had an uphill struggle to get her to go to A&E. She is however most insistent with others that they get medical attention! I already feel there has been more than enough avoidance over this , so now it’s time for honesty and hopefully a good outcome for us. Thank you once again.

Paula xx.

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Good, I'm glad you're going to push it and go with her - I didn't force my ex husband (a good friend for years after our divorce) to allow me to go with him to the doctors - I strongly suspected he needed an angiogram and would have insisted on one. Unfortunately, I did not insist hard enough, did not go with him so he would not have reported his symptoms accurately, nor been pushy enough, so no angiogram was done. He died within six months from a blocked artery in his heart. I still wonder if the outcome would have been different had I just had the energy to over-ride his extremely forcefully expressed reluctance for me to be with him at his doctors... though knowing him, he may well have refused any medical procedures necessary anyway, which absolutely would have been his right. But stilll, I am left with that doubt... and wouldn't wish it on anyone else. Hopefully it'll turn out to be something tedious and not life threatening...

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Hi Paula

Get it checked out like the other ladies say. It may be nothing. I was diagnosed with stage 4 in July I went to my gp in April with diarrhoea and constipation which confused me plus hard bloating whilst waiting for diagnosis I lost weight everywhere else but bloated out on my stomach. Better be safe.

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Please have her see a doctor asap. Like so many others I put my minor symptoms down to menopause /ibs. As others have said, press for a CA125 blood test (it’s not a good indicator in everyone but it’s one piece of information) and a CT scan. Whatever it is, it needs to be investigated thoroughly. In the case of a gyn cancer she needs to see a gyn/oncologist not a regular gyn doctor. BTW Many including myself had normal ultra sounds with ovarian cancer. Wish I had insisted on a CT. Best wishes

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Your wife should definitely get checked out. A vaginal ultrasound will show any tumors and a C125 blood test will help determine if it’s ovarian cancer. The main symptom for me was the inability to urinate in the morning after sleeping on my left side. Sometimes it took several minutes before I could pee. Once I urinated then the rest of the day was normal. The tumor was blocking my bladder. A complete hysterectomy and 6 chemo later, I’m cancer free for 2 years!

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Hello Paula,

You care and that's why you're worried. I think it's smart to get your wife to see a doctor. Hopefully, there is no cause for concern. But until she see someone, you won't know. Use reason to get her to make an appointment and not a voice of gloom and doom. She might be just as scared as you.

Hugs,

Superkim

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