Back in January I was still getting around, having a life with my family then Feb came and because of some chemo treatments and the damage they did to my kidneys I had to get nephrostomy tubes put in. I crashed so hard that whole month that my husband thought I was dieing then. I began to rally back in March, did 3 chemo treatments which would slap me down so hard that i could not function hardly at all. We saw the oncologist a couple weeks ago and i told him in done. I really wish i could hang a little longer but it is not God's will for me so I'm in in-home hospice care with my family around me. I stopped eating 2 weeks ago but can still drink a little. My nurse said it will probably be renal failure that ends my life. I really hate this disease. I am 55 years old and had way too much life left in me. I am accepting my fate because I have my faith and the Lord is right here with me, but it is still so maddening because there is no reason that I got this cancer other than I had ovaries. I complained for 5 years before being diagnosed but no one looked outside the box. I was even told by one gynecoligist that I needed to join weight watchers and lose weight... great advise.
I wish all of you well and hopefully in the next couple of years there will be good, non poisoning treatment or cure! I wish I could hang on for that! Take good care of yourselves... Tracy
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Hi Tracy. I always find it hard to read that we may lose another lovely friend as I find with corresponding with each other we do become friends, I admirer your strength in your faith and find this must be a comfort but also hate the fact that you are only 55 and should have a life time of memories a head of you.
I've been on here now for near 4 years and in that time have corresponded with some amazing ladies who are not here with us now and it does not get easier.
I can only say to you with heart felt best wishes and that I hope when i'm in your position I have the same strength you have..take care my friend Lorraine xx💙💙
Tracy.... my heart is breaking reading your post, but I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing it. You are brave and stoic beyond belief!
On June 19th, 2017, I was 56 years old, so in about a month it will be a year from my diagnosis of 2 primary cancers - Ovarian and Colon - both stage 3c. Less than 6 months in I found myself faced with the same decision you are making now. It was for different reasons perhaps, but ultimately it was the question of whether or not my life, as is, was worth preserving by putting myself through the hell of the treatment it was going to take to extend it. At the point where I was literally out of time to decide, I went forward - mostly because I just didn't know how do do anything else. On December 28, 2017, I was receiving my 2nd treatment in my 2nd round of 3 more chemo treatments, and that's when I met Leslie. She was in the chair right next to me. Turns out we both had ovarian cancer, and we even had the same doctors. I can't tell you how glad I was to be sitting next to her. We looked about the same age and, like me she was very outgoing. I couldn't wait to talk to her... about EVERYTHING. FINALLY, someone in close proximity that I could connect with who would actually GET IT! Leslie began our conversation by telling me she that day she had decided to stop treatment. It stopped me in my tracks. I spent the rest of those 6 hours holding back tears, holding back questions, just trying to hold on. We smiled and joked a couple of times but she had her brother and her niece there and there was, as you can well imagine, a lot going on in their worlds on that day. We exchanged phone numbers and I sent her a text before either of us had even gone home including the link to this website. I knew that here she could find whatever she needed - support, understanding, hope, a clinical trial, maybe that ONE thing that she hadn't considered that might reignite the fight in her, or enough gentle prayers and love to carry her out of this life with peace. I texted her a few days later and told her she'd been on my mind and she sent me a lovely text in return: "Every day that you give me your laughter and smiles is a good day! Thank you for being just so darn normal in being able to talk about all this. My love goes out to you" and she added a little heart icon to the end. That was the last time we ever communicated directly. I texted her yesterday and her brother responded and told me she had died last week. I'm not sure why I wanted to share this with you, and pray I haven't said anything to make you feel bad or that makes anything more difficult for you. You are in an impossible position. Even with faith in God, all any of us have ever known is life, and it seems incomprehensible to face the decision to choose to give it up. I would never deign to tell you or anyone in our position hat they have to keep fighting anymore than I would encourage you to call it a day. This journey is intensely personal and damn near unbearable because the intensity of everything is almost more than we are equipped to take . I fear I may end up where you are now, where I was before. I think about it often. I think about Leslie and how she was there and now she is gone. And today, just a day later, there you are facing the same reality. And tomorrow, who then? I will keep you in my thoughts, and in my prayers and I will offer you my support and friendship from the United States. If you ever need a listen, or a chat, I'd like to offer that too. I know this site is full of women who have your back, but it's important for me to put this out there - for you... for Leslie.
Thank you four sharing with me Cyndie. You in no way have said anything to hurt or find offensive. This is a horrible place to be and i never imagined i would be faced with it...i was a fighter! I planned to fight this out yet again but then my body just hit a wall. I truly have peace as I believe your friend did to. That is worth so much! I wish you much success and offer my prayers to you. One day there will be a cure..... too bad it wasn't now. Tracy
Tracy, 55 is far too young to go. What a hateful disease.
I pray for you to have only pain free and peaceful days to come, and share your hope for better treatments or even cures to be developed in the future.
Tracy I am so sad to read your post, but can sense how amazingly brave you are and have been on this journey. I am glad you have your faith and that can, at least, offer you some peace and comfort. I very much hope that the time you have ahead of you is one filled with love and family and you manage to remain as pain free and comfortable as possible. You are in my thoughts xxx
Bless you Tracey, you are such a strong lady and way too young to have to be dealing with this. Like you say, the only thing any of us did to deserve this awful disease is to have our ovaries.
I’m pleased you have your faith to help to through this, I wish you peace and comfort as you take the next steps, I hope you are pain free and have comfort and love from your family.
You have all our love around you, I hope I am as strong as you are now when my time comes. I send you so much love and support love. Big gentle hugs ❤️Xx Jane
Tracy, thank you for sharing your journey. We all look to one another about treatments, side effects and coping, but we stand with one another when it is too much and we are done. Cancer and the treatment is brutal but your courage and faith light the way. May you be surrounded by love, family and angels. I stand with you and send love, Valerie xx
55 years old! You shouldn’t even be having this conversation with anyone, you should be out there and enjoying life! Unfortunately this disease rules everyone’s lives when they get it and those closest to them. It’s absolutely heartbreaking reading your post, you sound like such a wonderful person. I wish you peace on the next stage of your Teal journey!
Tracey, thank you for your braveness to say goodbye to us all.
Warm wishes for gentle days, Lesley
Tracy, I am so very sorry to hear that you are coming close to the end of your journey. It sounds that you have made your peace with your family and with your God and I know that whatever lies ahead, you will take with you much love. You will also take a part of each of us with you as we are all in this together - and you have the love and support of all those who have gone before you as well as all those who are living with and continuing to beat back the beast.
When you are no longer to see the bright side, we will sit beside you in the dark and hold your heart in ours.
I hope I am as aware and as strong as you Tracy when the time comes and that it is not too hard for you and your family... you have made your peace that's the main thing...
Hi Tracy, writing that post must have been so hard so thank you for sharing with us. I’m sad for you, for all of us who got this rubbish disease, but relieved that you have been able to make peace with the situation. I’m 53 so I can relate to your feeling that there should be so many more good years ahead, but I too am starting to come to terms with it, and be grateful for the life I have had.
Hello Tracy. I have just read your post. I cannot add anything to the replies already, they would have been my words too. But I can send love and prayers and a big gentle hug. With love Carolyn 🌸🌷🌸🌷xxx
So sorry Tracy. I don’t know what to say except that I am thinking of you and sending my love and support.
I will do everything I can in whatever time I have left to raise awareness of this terrible disease and to highlight the number of women who presented time after time to their gps and consultants only to be sent away. Lives that still had so much living to do. Wishing you some special happy moments with your family around you right now. You are a very strong and wonderful lady.
Oh Tracy, I am heartbroken after reading your post. I wish for you days of joy, laughter, love with family and friends close by. You are so brave and know your faith will carry you through. We are with you on this journey and can only pray for peace and comfort for you. Go well xx
Thanks for this. It is tough but I have found “My times are in His hands” to be helpful as I mosey along to terminaldom. Some days I want to go home sooner than others. Faith helps so much. May He be very close.
I am sending you a virtual hug. That is a hard decision to make and only you can make it. I had to stop chemo due to nerve damage so severe I could no longer stand. I was not sure I could go on. My oncologist recommended radiation next. I really did not want to go on. She is an amazing person and I felt so fortunate to have her as my doctor. She even asked me if I hated her as she was the doctor to send me for chemo. I could never have hated her, but I hated the chemo. Somehow just being given permission to have my hate, relieved my feelings. I was certain I could not handle any more treatment. She said.I should take a few days to think it over. But, she said she was not ready for a world without me in it. Not sure why that gave me the courage to go on, but it did. These kind of decisions are so hard. I am glad you have made peace. I hope you can enjoy all of the time forward.
I am so sad to read your Post, Tracy. I can only echo what the other Friends have said. I think you are being so brave and you just shouldn't be in the position you're in, especially at such a young age. May you spend the rest of your time surrounded with love and peaceful happiness with your family. It must help such a lot to have your faith and belief in God. I wish there was something else other than chemo for you but as that isn't to be I send you gentle hugs and love to you and your family. With much love, Solange 💐
Dear Tracy, I pray for your safety journey to the Heavens and our Spiritual Father. I pray for the Holy Spirit to guide and protect you and your family. May peace and love surround you, and may you meet our Savior with joy.💖Margaret
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