Overthinking

Hello lovelies

Hope you are all doing ok

I have just returned from a wonderful holiday to Miami and the Bahamas with my fantastic husband Kevin, it was to celebrate his 60th which is today. We flew back overnight and I managed to embarrass him on the plane by getting an announcement to the whole plane, the lovely Virgin Atlantic crew presented him with a bottle of champagne too.

Anyway, yesterday while on stopover at Miami for over 5 hours I started to feel a little breathless and immediately convinced myself that I had a pleural effusion!! I worked myself into a total panic and crept off to the restroom to have a meltdown. Having been in first line remission for 10 months I felt sure that my luck was due to runout and ‘this was it’!! Anyway over the course of the night flight and drive back to Bristol I started to cough and immediately put myself onto my pulse oximetry that I have as part of my nursing kit....oxygen sats = 100%. I now realise that I have picked up a little bug as hubby is starting to experience the same symptoms. But I can’t tell you how petrified I was 24 hrs ago with a transatlantic flight to face, i suppose this happened because I feel like I’m a walking time bomb and the holiday was so perfect I thought something was bound to bring me down to earth with a bump. I wish my mind wouldn’t be like this but I guess it’s all part of the whole picture of this wretched disease.

Anyway, I have been lucky enough to travel a lot in this past 10 months despite Avastin and stoma. Norway, Italy, Switzerland, Orlando with the children and grandkids and now this. I saw this picture on the flight out to Miami in an onboard magazine and it really sums it all up for me. If you are well enough and have the funds don’t be scared to chase your dreams. When I was lying in hospital this time last year I couldn’t have dreamed it possible..

Love to you all, especially those lovely ladies who are having a hard time right now, LA and Sarah to name two. I’ve held you in my thoughts a lot.

[Hidden]

Meant to say.... lots of love Marian xxx

[Hidden]

Hi Marian, it is easy to catch bugs on planes and of course we think the worse case scenario. I have to admit that I often think my good luck will run out, currently I am stable for a few years. It is of course part of the territory and our oncology team cannot understand why we as patients think like this. I am glad you had a fab holiday and life is definitely for living. Hope you and your hubby will be better soon

[Yoshbosh in reply to Hidden]

Hoping to join you in the stable crew, Joan 😊 xxx

[Hidden in reply to Yoshbosh]

You will be very welcome Marian,

[Yoshbosh]

I hope you feel better soon, Marian! Glad you had a wonderful holiday. Vx

[Hidden in reply to Yoshbosh]

Thanks V xx

[Cropcrop]

What an excellent photo, it sums up my philosophy on life these days, this bloody disease certainly re-focuses us and puts things into perspective.

The virgin crew are good aren’t they?, we flew to New York last July with them for our ruby wedding anniversary and we too got bubbly and we’re spoiled.

I’m so pleased you only have a bug (that sounds awful that I’m happy you got a bug but you know what I mean 🤔) and I can totally relate to the walking time bomb bit, we all tend to over analyse the slightest symptoms but at least we’re all being body aware.

Welcome back to the UK, I hope your jet lag isn’t too bad and you soon get back to your normal self and can start planning your next trip, you are right to do as much as we possibly can health and finances allowing, we only get one go at this so it’s important to pack as much in as we possibly can. I hope you had an absolute ball on your trip and you both feel better very soon.

Love and hugs back to you, keep well lovely ❤️Xx Jane

[Hidden in reply to Cropcrop]

Thanks Jane, hope you are keeping well xxx

[Travelmonster]

Wonderful to hear you had such a good holiday and I hope you both feel better soon.

Much love

Paula xxxx

[Hidden in reply to Travelmonster]

Thanks Paula. I see that you have just been to see the northern lights, how fabulous, bet they are an emotional sight? That’s on my bucket list too xxxx

[Travelmonster in reply to Hidden]

Yes it was really emotional, I've heard of so many people that have been and didn't see them, so we feel really lucky. Hope you are feeling a bit better today xxxx

[Caroles1]

Sounds wonderful (the trip, not anything else) you are talking to the queen of overthinking! Always convinced I have a re occurance until my check then feel wonderfully well 😳

Keep on keeping on xxx

[Hidden in reply to Caroles1]

Isn’t that always the way?? I am the same, as soon as I realise I’m ok I feel energised and all the ‘symptoms ‘ disappear...... power of the mind eh?!!!! Xxxx

[Emsymits]

I'm with you! So glad it was just a scare. Fab sounding travels by the way... I've got a trip to Pompeii and Mexican Mayan temples booked for this year. I can't wait!

Em

x

[Hidden in reply to Emsymits]

Thanks Em xxx

[January-2016-UK]

Glad it was just a scare; we all do it.

Sounds as if you had a great holiday.

All the best!

[Hidden in reply to January-2016-UK]

Thank you x

[Jessica-DianeB]

Our minds have a lot to answer for!

Sounds like you’ve had a wonderful trip and well done for getting through the period of anxiety. I don’t doubt you’ve built up some more resilience because of it xxx

[Hidden in reply to Jessica-DianeB]

Thanks Jess, how you doing lovely? 💐💐

[Purple-iris]

Hi Marian

Your trips sound amazing and I am pleased that your symptoms turned out to be a bug and nothing else .

I can relate to your post re over thinking and although I should be feeling over the moon at present as have just finished avastin and had a clear end of treatment scan I’m struggling mentally being free of treatment. Definitely feel I’m carrying around a time bomb . Life’s a bit on hold at present , which doesn’t help , as my mother isn’t too well and needs some tests so can’t really escape on a trip . Best friend was diagnosed with breast cancer and is half way through her treatment but has had a difficult time and I recently found out a friend from my childhood days has terminal skin cancer so feel surrounded by cancer at present .

Feel guilty for feeling like this as there are so many lovely ladies going through a difficult time at present and I know I must get my act together and make the most of my treatment free time. Will give myself a kick up the backside and as you say remember how far I’ve come in a year . As your post says ‘the time is now ‘

Thankyou for posting .

Love and best wishes Kim x 💜

[Hidden in reply to Purple-iris]

Thanks Kim. Sorry to hear about your mum and friend. Your reply struck a cord, sadly I lost my Dad, sister and mum, plus mother in law in the 2 years before diagnosis (my mum just 3 months before diagnosis). It was indeed a horrific period but it makes me think ‘what if I was struggling with this disease and had to do what I did for them all then’? I feel it’s like they all went when they did in order to give me this time to focus on my own struggles.... if that makes sense? If I had them to care for I certainly couldn’t have travelled like I’m doing. I do hope you get the chance though Kim, remember that you deserve it xxxx

[Katsmum]

Lovely post and great picture. You have summed how I and many others feel exactly - it’s a bumpy road we travel but so glad you are getting to see the places you dreamed of. I love flying Virgin Atlantic, they are so good, did the Vegas thing two years ago pretty much at the start of the bucket list.

Hope you feel better soon and can start planning the next trip xx

All the best, Jane xx

[Hidden in reply to Katsmum]

Thanks Jane, yes we fly Virgin Atlantic whenever possible, they are great aren’t they? Xxx

[ShropshireJo]

Sounds a fantastic trip. Loved the sentiments in the photo. Hope you both recover speedily from your bug. Love Jo 🌸🌼🌻🌺🌹

[Hidden in reply to ShropshireJo]

Thanks Jo xxxx

[Nicky100]

Hopefully you are OK now. You have an amazing attitude and love geaeying about your travels. Where you going next?

Nicky xx

[Hidden in reply to Nicky100]

Alaskan Cruise 🚢 😉😂 xxxx

[Btte]

Thanks Marion great post, it says it all. Hope you and hubby will soon be feeling better. Love Bridiexx

[kat98116]

Glad it was a bug AND thank you for the post, as it helps me deal with my conflicting feelings about ending first line treatment. I'm strangely blue today waiting for my blood results to see if I can do my last tx tomorrow. If blood is low, I'm done. Then scan in 6 weeks to see how well the chemo did it's job. CA 125 numbers are good (30) and I'm reportedly very responsive to chemo. But feeling quite terrified at the moment.....I'm sure I'm not alone.

[Hidden in reply to kat98116]

Oh Katie, I so very much understand how you are feeling. It’s like being cast off without a safety net. BUT as the weeks go by you will get less difficult days I promise. I was pretty low when treatment stopped. It’s so hard to live our lives with this hanging over us but the way I try to think is that all ANY person has is ‘now’. I heard yesterday that an ex next door neighbor was killed on his pushbike while we were away, he was 34. He got up that morning and never came home. I know it doesn’t stop the crappy feelings of fear and panic but it helps me to try to rationalise and live life to the full, no matter the new limitations that this disease has placed on us. If you need a ‘chat’ private message me anytime Katie.

Big hugs, Marian xxx

[kat98116 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks Marian! That is so helpful - not to be alone in these feelings, which I know I am not! I've been 10 months in first line, and it seems my life has totally revolved around chemo and its side effects. Thanks so much for responding. I have definitely gotten through chemo "one day at a time," and as you say, that's really all any of us has.