How lucky am I?

[Rachael47]

Gushy lady in the library today- 'Ooh, your hair's come back curly, aren't you lucky! I wish I had hair like that!' Am I unreasonable in feeling irritated, or should I accept that she just had no clue what she was saying?

[yewbarrow]

Irritated, definitely! But we have to keep it hidden don't we? Best wishes xx

[Choski]

Yes no clue!!

'Thank you' and move on! It's sometimes the only way !

Clare

[Katmal-UK]

I went back to work with my wig after I finished chemo and after a few weeks I decided to ditch the wig as I was quite happy with how my hair was growing back albeit white/grey. Everyone said how it suited me etc but one colleague said oh i see youve decided to grow old gracefully, I smiled and walked on..... people just dont think....

[Lyndy]

I never think quickly enough to get a repost in ...although I think of so many things I could have said after the event! Perhaps it is better to walk away xx

[Yoshbosh]

Ahhh, I'm sure no offence was intended.

I'm jealous! My hair is just as straight as ever! No curls, no different colour. How boring!

[Petrolhead]

My hair is naturally wavy and I usually straighten it. If it grows back even more curly the straitened will be on overtime. Not looking forward to the natural colour either. Will have to wear the wig till the hair is strong enough to colour.

I would have definitely had to reply what was I lucky in? Does OC outweigh being able to get curly hair albeit probably temporarily. Some just don't think.

Fay

[Choski in reply to Petrolhead]

Yes, great reply! Some people don't have a clue!

[Tesla_7US]

You're allowed to feel irritated. She's trying to connect with you in a positive way. Best she speak with you than ignore you. There is no right answer to your question, but there is a generosity of spirit in giving this woman some grace. She meant well. And you have suffered greatly. Right now, for me, it is healthier to show some kindness. Unless a person has experienced this disease first hand, they have no idea of the heartbreak and sadness it causes entire families. Love and a hug to you. Tesla

[Hidden]

Yes we can get irritated at people and their lack of thought but we have to learn to let it go over our heads

[Gleedy]

I felt irritated when I said to a friend ' I wish my hair had grown a bit longer for my son's wedding. Her reply....cant you put the wig back on. Same friend when I explained what my omemtum was when it was removed....oh I wish someone would remove mine and give me a flat tummy! So yes we should feel irritated but others really don't think about what they are saying. X

[January-2016-UK]

I expect she was saying something to her that sounded positive. It's not always easy for any of us to find the right things to say on the spur of the moment. Better she was chatty than avoided you. Hide any irritation and smile with good grace.

[MurielTheActor]

I say 'But you wouldn't want to have gone through what I have in order to get it.'I'm done with the 'well meaning' folk. They need to be educated!

[Annr5h]

It's strange people comment on my hair all the time, about the colour and how curly it is. Always nice comments though. I do sometimes think are they just saying it to make me feel better? Xx

[Alikay]

I think some people comment without thinking. I visited my ex-workplace following my retirement and in the conversation, one ex colleague remarked how lucky I was not to have to get up early for work. Gobsmacked or what?? Xx

[Bonnie11]

I told very few people about my chemo and just laid low for a few months.when I "reemerged" the amount of compliments I got about my glowing skin and short white curly hair was a great ego boost...and I am still dining out on it. They thought it was "my new look"...However the hair has straightened recently, so I may have some explaining to do. Many people simply don't know what to say to a person with cancer and I am mindful of this. However what irritates me is the people who knew about my experience (even though it's done and dusted for now) keep referring back to it ...when I am trying to move on and put it behind me. I refuse to be drawn on the subject now and smile, say I am great and change the subject.

[DesireeD]

Rude and insensitive comments from people, rarely bother me much anymore, and I am pretty good to smile and ignore-and forget; Usually....

My hair is such a disappointment-LOL So, I've had it professionally trimmed twice now since my last chemo Dec 31, 2015, but I hate my hair. I've worn it natural a couple times, lately, And people have commented that I should continue-but I MUCH prefer a wig.

Recently purchased a new shorter wig, with highlights, I love it much; and receive lots of compliments (I'm uncomfortable, not sure if they are just folks meaning well-LOL). I like having my hair growing out long, but mine has never been very pretty (just very fine and drab-LOL). SO, when I discovered the convenience and beauty of wigs, I doubt I will ever fuss much over my own hair again-and wish I had thought about wigs much sooner-LOL. I figure I'll save money- wherever I can- to afford a new wig once a year. It really may never look like natural hair- but I don't even care. Sometimes I'll call it my "fancy hat"- LOL And I'm real happy.

I never did stress at all over losing my hair to chemo, I knew it was expected, and just went wig shopping a few weeks before Chemo actually took MOST of it (while also feeling pretty horrid physically at the time.... I never did shave my head either)- and always felt thankful for a good cancer experience- all in all.

Currently NED, but have learned not to expect too much- LOL I hope to gather a collection of diff wigs and styles- for whatever mood strikes me- and gladly give up the fuss of hot curling irons- everyday of my life-trying hard to just to be "presentable"... LOL I can't wait to go wig shopping again- as soon as I feel I can afford to- LOL I really hope it's SOON!!!!

[Cropcrop in reply to DesireeD]

Have you tried simply wigs on the internet, they're fab, I got my wigs from them.

[DesireeD in reply to Cropcrop]

OOOOOOOH, I will go check them out- THANK YOU! Not sure how I feel about purchasing without trying on first, as this last one fits better than the others, not sure why, but definitely worth checking into!

[Hidden]

to be redundant: she doubtless meant well, but still a dofus. would have been very tempted to do an elaborate double take, complete with arched brows --(if i'd any to arch)--and murmered "how kind", whilst drifting vaguely away...

[Cropcrop]

I had the very same comments made to me, mostly I just smiled and said thank you and I hoped it stayed as healthy and curly (it didn't 😢) I was even asked by one colleague where I had my perm I gave her directions to Christies, she isn't known for her tact (understatement). I was a little bit cruel but they all knew about my cancer so I thought I was justified, maybe I was just having a bad day 😂. Sometimes comments can be really hurtful, especially 'you don't look like you have cancer' or 'you look really well' I said it's just make up etc etc. People can be really thoughtless. grrr! Enjoy your curls 😂❤️Xx Jane

[Sherrym]

I have been on the receiving end of unbelievable callousness! I must have been a very bad person in my last life to deserve the karma directed my way.

99.9 % are wonderful but I was dumped when completely bald & weighing under 7 stone just 1 month after chemo by my long term partner, after his daughter screeched her hatred of me to the world in language beyond belief.

Now a close family member's best mate is after my ex, & utterly loathes me because he ghosted her after a few dates! & makes it very clear every time she sees me. My fault? I have never had a conversation with him since it all finished between us.

Neither of these women are teenagers & I have never disliked or damaged them in any way. Sometimes weakness in a person brings out real wickedness in others.

Not seeking sympathy ladies, so glad to get all that off my chest though! The above posts only seem to highlight to me I must have done something bad sometime? Or have any other of you been on the receiving end of anything like this.