Mum Stage4b no treatment how can I help her

My mum was diagnosed with Stage 4b ovarian cancer with spread to liver, lungs and omentum. She is 77 and has decided not to have any chemo or hormone therapy. Christies are supportive of her decision and Macmillan and gp will look after her at home. She has no symptoms ??? but yesterday started coughing up mucus and gp gave antibiotics. She has a weak chest anyway with bronchiectus (sorry if miseplt).

My question is what can we expect to come - they have given her 6 months.


8 Replies

  • Hi Michelle. I am sorry to here about your Mum. I nursed my mum at home for the last three weeks of her life (that was after the hospital said she had a couple of hours or would pass away in the ambulance they arranged to take her home). If they have given your mum 6 months then it may be that symptoms won't show themselves until very much nearer the end. We actually arranged for my Mum's hairdresser to give her a cut and blow dry the day before she passed away and it was only in the last 2-3 hours that she slipped from us, having just refused a cup of tea and falling into a peaceful sleep. My Dad also died of cancer and to be honest it was only the last week that he showed any signs or symptoms (in fact the day before he passed away he was shopping for his whiskey in Morrisons!). I would speak with MacMillan as to what to expect. However if you do have any questions you think I may be able to help with please feel free to message me. Sending both you and your mum a big hug. Best wishes, Kathy xx

  • I'm so sorry to hear this. Everyone is different and in different needs when the time comes you will know what your mum needs, my husbands Nan didn't show symptoms or signs until the last day but she slipped into a peaceful sleep and didn't know a thing, now my husbands mum is going through OC, as hard as it is whilst she's still able we're creating lots of memories now so that we and our children can remember her as she is not how she will be, I'd suggest the same for your situation and family, one thing I have said countless times is don't dwell on the past it's happened you can't change it, the future hasn't happened yet so why worry about it, live for the day. Please make every day count if you need a friend please message me. Xx

  • Hi Michelle,

    Don't know what you should expect,but I thought of what I would like if I was in your mums position.

    I would love to be cosseted and cared for,clean and in comfy clothes,in front of the TV with my phone and I pad,knitting,magazines and good books,with a throw if I felt cold.

    A little fireworks party with family, a Christmas tree (in time) and candles,just cozy.

    After Christmas turns,some bulbs,(in and out), with the promise of spring and beyond to come and more than anything a caring family to spend my days with (as you so obviously are).

    Romantic, yes, stupid, no, enjoy your time with your Mum no matter what happens,

    Lots of love and best wishes,

    Carole xxx

  • Hi Michelle my mum was in the same situation as your mum is now. She was 76 years old I wanted her to have some treatment but she refused it. They gave her 6 months & my mum lasted 6 mouths. She lost lots of weight even when eating well & slept a lot. My mum lived with me & I think that helped her because she had company. She was quite independent till the last couple of weeks of her life. We had visits from cancer nurse's which did help.

    It was when my mum passed I took it really badly I think I held it all in till she died.

    Lots of love Cindyxx

  • Hi Michelle. I'm so sorry to hear about your mum. I'm on this site because my mum has OC. She was 80 last week. She was diagnosed at grade 3c. She had chemo and debulking surgery. She thought she'd beaten it but it recurred so she's living with it. I'm due to go with her to the oncologist on 25 October - very nervous. Not sure what to expect. It's such a roller coaster ride. Anyway, this site is great and the ladies are all lovely (and some men too). Sending you a virtual hug. Jane X

  • It is encouraging to hear all of these dear ones passed away peacefully, I have stage 4OC spread to liver and lungs and my biggest fear is being in pain, I had terrible pain shortly after I was diagnosed and was taken into hospital. I am a dreadful coward and have stocked up with all sorts of pain relief, including morphine injections.

  • Thank you all for such lovely and honest replies.

    Carole, def going to plant some bulbs that's a great thought and give mum the feeling that she could be here to see them sprout.

    Glad to hear that most of the people you have all cared for have slipped away peacefully. Mum has gone down to 6 st 10lbs from 9 stone she doesn't eat much, and strangely her memory has gone really bad. I live 200 miles from home but my sisters and nieces and nephews live local, I go home every week and have taken her to all the hospital appointments. Mainly cozy I had breast cancer 2 years ago and husband had bowel cancer 3 years ago and when we saw the oncologist 2 weeks ago I am sure it helped get honest answers as I wrote a long list of questions for her that I think I could only have done because of going through the chemo and stuff already.

    We have genetics appointment on Tuesday which she knows is only for the girls in the family as the outcome won't make any difference to her. I have my appointment 10th Nov. I have daughters, 2 sisters 3 nieces and 1 grand niece so mum knows it's important. But she developed a bad chest infection last week which antibiotics aren't helping so hope she won't back out of Tuesday.

    I used my breast cancer care website a lot through my treatment and so glad you are all here to help me through this very difficult time.

    Love to all you lovely ladies for being open and honest with me, thank you

    Xx Michelle

  • Hi Michelle,

    I know what you are going through because my husbands mum passed through OC and I nursed my mum and dad until they passed and all I can recommend is that you are there for your Mum,stranger things have happened in so far as that she could rally and be here in years to come.

    Just spend your time with her in caring ways and get some old photos out and laugh and talk about times gone by and times to come,fresh flowers in her room are good too.

    Well done for all the questions you wrote down and,yes, we do have to look to the future, I am doing that at the moment for my kids.

    I wish you all the best and you can always PM me if you feel you want to talk,otherwise there are lots of ladies here to listen

    Take care,

    Carole xxx

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