I just need a short whinge I think. Since finishing Avastin in February I've been really enjoying every minute- went to Spain to see my daughter (who is studying there) did loads of things I thought I would never get to do..hurrah! But this week my mood has suddenly tanked..I'm losing my temper, feeling upset, not sleeping...why? Because I have my follow up appointment in oncology on Friday...derrr. I have no reason to believe it will be bad but..this is almost like PTSD..I am catastrophizing at every turn..eeurgh!
Thanks for listening...whinge over.
Hope you are all having a good Wednesday xxxxx
Lyndall
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Lyndy
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I understand what you are saying, usually I am like a wasp before the scans and the check ups with consultant. Sometimes it is good to try some meditation exercises if you are into this. If this is a follow up appointment, it should be fairly straight forward, clinical assessment and tummy check etc and all should be good, Do something tomorrow to take your mind off of this if you can, wishing you well for your appointment
we all need a good whinge now and then, lol...... Sometimes I feel I must drive my hubby crazy, thank god he is amazingly understanding....... Thinking of you and hope all goes well on Friday,
I think this is normal Lyndall. However well we are feeling, we can always see the monster trailing us out the corner of our eye! My hope is that once I acknowledge it occasionally I can then move on and get on with my life. I usually manage this, but come check up time, things are bound to wobble a bit! I hope all goes well for you.
Share your feelings as we finished Avastin at the same time. I kind of feel I've lost my insurance policy! Feeling well but any slight symptom making me edgy for what might be 'waiting in the wings'. I do very well when my attention is diverted (as you did while in Spain ... probably you forgot about it for long stretches!) but when I'm not diverted or pre-appointment it seems so much easier for the brain to think the worst. Anyway, onwards and upwards. I don't have a check up till late May, so going to try and enjoy April. Hope you do too. x
Hi Lyndall, I had a CT Scan yesterday, results next wednesday and Im like a bear with a sore head ! I say it doesnt affect me, I feel fine, no reason to expect a recurrence but nearly 10 years into my journey the wobbles still hit when I have an appointment due (every 12 weeks). what you are experiencing is perfectly 'normal'. Best wishes for your appointment Friday. Kathy xxx
I think, though it's not PTSD, it's a bit the same in that reminders bring back all the memories of the bad times. I get down and snappy when I've got a scan or a visit to the hospital for some reason, then I feel better when I'm actually getting ready to go and when I'm there. The waiting is awful. But you don't have long to wait now and hopefully it'll be reassuring news.
Even when I don't have conscious concerns, I find that 10days or so before a follow up, my sleep becomes increasingly disturbed. I suspect it's sub-conscious memories and fears bubbling up. I don't always even notice it's happening but cumulatively the nearer I get to the appointment, I will have had quite a stretch of poor sleep with all its consequences. Add into that our completely understandable fears and yes, can completely relate to feeling how you have described! Wishing you hope and strength Sxxx
Thanks everyone. I think that I needed to say it ( or write it) out loud. I spend a lot of time saying 'I'm fine ' 'I'm still here' but sometimes I have to say (to myself as much as anyone) I'm not always fine...it's not over.
You are so not alone in this, I really really don't like check ups even now, I have no reason to think it's going to be anything other than positive news but, and it's a big but, we've all been down the 'C' road and there's always a part of us that thinks the worse will happen again.
It should just be a straight forward bloods, tummy check and chat appointment, as this is the first of this type of appointment for you there will be a bit of the unknown involved for you too, try not to worry too much lovely.
Big encouraging hugs and love for Friday, we're all here for you ❤xx Jane
I think when you come to the end of treatment be it chemo or Avastin there is always a bit of fear when it is appointment and test time. I finished Avastin in November and still ok. All the best for your appointment, thinking of you. Sophia xx
Ah hun, you're in good company with how you are feeling. Try not to beat yourself up about it. All the very best for tomorrow. Let us know how you get on xx
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